I'm an alcoholic and I think I might die soon

Posted , 9 users are following.

When I wake up in the morning I feel like vomiting and I normally always vomit in the shower. I don't eat much so nothing but bile and liquid comes out.. You would be shocked to know I don't eat much because when I started drinking I was 135 pounds now I'm almost 300 pounds. It's mostly my stomach. I try to ignore it and go about my day knowing I'll have my vodka in the evening, but, it's getting scary. I'm nauseous all the time until I have a drink. I have a weird pain where I know my liver sits under my right rib. I think I'm slowly dying. I'm terrified to see a doctor because I don't want to hear the truth. I know they'll tell me it's too late.. I don't know what to do. My stomach keeps growing and I'm embarrassed by it. I hate being in public, I hate knowing that they're seeing this huge person and my friends all knew me as a little 135 pound person. It's embarrassing that they're thinking "what the hell happened to him!?" But at the same time I can't stop. I need help. I'm not entirely sure I want to die yet. I'm only 29 years old. 

0 likes, 23 replies

23 Replies

  • Posted

    High seth

    welcome to this forum and great you accept you’ve a problem.

    I am not medically trained, but when you mention how swollen your stomach is, there’s a chance it could be ascites, (might have spelt that wrongly) They are a build up of fluid as your body is unable to get rid of the fluid.

    Its very common in people with AUD (alcohol user disorder) and sometimes they need be drained to get rid of the fluid.

    Your dr will most probably have dealt with this before and won’t be shocked. How much vodka are you drinking daily and for how long?

    I,know from experience it’s not easy telling your dr, but hey, the longer you leave it, the  problem will get worse.

    As for the vomiting in the morning, it’s common, the alcohol has irritated your stomach. I’m assuming that you’re not vomiting blood? If that occurs you need medical help immediately.

    As you’re not eating properly, your body is lacking vitamins. You need to be taking thiamine tablets, available over the counter.

    As I’ve said I’m not a dr, but would strongly recommend you see your dr ASAP, it may not even be ascites. I understand your apprehension about seeing your dr, but at 29 you’re far too young to give up. There’s help out there, and there’s people on this forum far more knowledgeable than me.

    A regular and very knowledgeable member of this forum RHGB, I’m sure will reply to you.

    Please see your dr

  • Posted

    I couldn't give a good reply and now see that VickyLou has. See your Doctor please. Robin

  • Posted

    Dude, it's never too late. I went through almost the exact same thing. I went from 150lbs to 215lbs. Except I was drinking from the moment I woke up at 3am in the morning and drank small amounts all day to just stave off the withdrawals till I got home after work and could really drink. I ended going to the ER thinking I was going to die but wasn't. Just massive withdrawals with high blood pressure due to my weight. I also wasn't eating due to nausea and needed vitamins. I kicked it though with TSM and am actually back down to 150lbs. It can be done. Vodka was my chosen drink too. How much do you drink a day?

  • Posted

    Hi seth

    Just wondering how you are?

    please keep posting, even if you’ve not made an appointment with your dr.

    I think and hope you realise that your situation won’t improve. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be.

  • Posted

    Thanks for your responses. For those that asked, I’ve been drinking half of a 1.75 liter bottle a day. It started out as a pint a day then that became 2 pints.. now I’m on to half a bottle. I don’t remember the last day I went without a drink. It has to have been over a year ago. 
    • Posted

      You really do need to see your gp. If you feel you can’t speak face to face, print a copy of what you’ve written on this forum and let your dr read it. Then he’ll know exactly what your problem is, and the right questions to ask you.

      He will probably refer you to a local ARC, alcohol recovery centre, rather than treating you himself. As to whether or not the swollen stomach is ascites, only a dr would no for sure. If that’s what it is, then you’ll probably need to have them drained.

      I won’t pretend it’s easy, but you’ve done the hardest bit, admitting you’ve got a problem and recognise you need some help.

      Whatever you do, don’t just stop and go cold turkey. Not wishing to scare you, but you’ll most probably suffer from withdrawal symptoms if you do that. You’d also be at risk of seizures and DTs which in some cases can be fatal.

      I can’t stress enough, how vital it is for you to see your gp. As I said in my previous post, you’re only 29 and you need to get your life back.

    • Posted

      Hi Seth and welcome to our Forum.  The worst thing  you can do right now is disappear from here.  With the valuable advice, I managed to reduce from 20 units of wine a day to 2.   I feel so much better for it. I did it slowly and did not have any withdrawals.  Keep posting and coming back with your feedback.  You won't regret it.  Understanding your concern telling your gp; I felt the same but came clean and she referred me to ARC.  Didn't go though, did not fancy it so just reduced slowly and steadily and kept posting on here.

      You have literally a lifetime ahead of you.  Focus on the fact that YOU rule what will happen with your life and NOT alcohol.

      C'mon, update us and let us help.

      Kindest regards


  • Posted

    Nothing has changed. I'm still avoiding the doctor like the plague. Everyday I tell myself not to drink but the alcohol is too controlling. It's getting really expensive. I go through a full 1.75 liter bottle of vodka every two days. Thanks for your concern. I'll try my best to see a doctor soon. 

    • Posted

      A lot of vodka and £25 or 30 for 1.75litre i assume..try to reduce this if you Can since this dangerously high. I am concerned....be careful Seth!

  • Posted

    If you can't get medication to help have you ever tried a taper schedule? It's pretty easy for people to relapse but you might wanna give it a try to slowly reduce your alcohol intake. I've been able to do it once or twice when I was doing 20 plus shots of vodka a day but it was really hard.

  • Posted

    Hi Seth! Hope you are ok! You are too young to think that you are going to die. You have to be strong and you have to believe. It's a good point that you admit that you have problems with alcohol. It is never too late, go ahead and visit your doctor

  • Posted

    I went to the doctor today and got blood work. I’ll have the results next Friday. I was prescribed chlordiazepoxide to help with withdrawals. So today will be the first day in over two years that I go without having a drink. I’m struggling but I’m gonna have to deal with it. 
    • Posted

      Hi seth

      well done! I know how hard and frightening that drs visit must have been for you.

      Great that you’ve got chlordiazepoxide to help with withdrawals.

      Do you have a responsible adult who can help you, or is your gp in touch. Ideally if the dose of chlordiazepoxide is strong enough, the withdrawals shouldn’t be too bad.

      Hopefully, you’ve not just got medication, you’ve got some other support and advice about what to expect.

      Youre first alcohol free day in over two years. Please keep posting and let us know how you’re doing.

      Good luck

    • Posted

      Well done for you Seth. Brave indeed. A brand new day and new feeling not drinking. You will be amazed. Best of luck.Robin

    • Posted

      The Librium will make the withdrawal painless if prescribed in the right quantities. The problem is, that many GPs don't know how much is needed. As Vicky has mentioned, do you have someone to watch over you? The first two days will be the ones to watch and if you are feeling the need for a drink to steady yourself, then probably the dosage is not high enough - you should not drink whilst taking a benzo (Librium).

      You should plan to stay at home, sitting on the sofa or taking yourself off to bed for a lie down if needed.

    • Posted

      Great Seth.  You have started your journey to a brand new you. smile

      Take care.


    • Posted

      I have support at home. My spouse is watching over me and trying to keep me occupied. 
    • Posted

      I have an appointment on Monday to see an addictions counselor and my spouse is taking care of me at home making sure I’m doing okay. 

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