I'm continually scared

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Why all the negative thoughts? I feel so poorly at the moment . I do try to stay positive and continue as normally as possible . I have tried to talk to my family and explain how I'm feeling but all I get is " everyone goes through it ,you just have to get on with it "! The past few days have been extreme . Very low , crying ,such awful thoughts I'm almost believing there real. I want to sleep all the time in hope when I wake up I will feel like me again! I feel like I'm in another body ,screaming to get out . Without this forum I feel I would go crazy and I thank everyone of you for sharing ,this has really helped me as I'm sure it has a lot of ladies.

I only hope there will be more awareness and help to how this changes your life and the struggle we all can go through .

4 likes, 32 replies

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  • Posted

    Hi Samantha,

    I completely understand how you are feeling. My worst symptoms by far through peri menopause have been unbearable negative thoughts that would become obsessive. Also the depression and constant crying along with anger and frustration. Its all due to hormone imbalance.

    I got to a point where I couldn't deal with anything at all. My whole life was becoming impossible and I was becoming completely unhinged.

    I'v been on bio identical hormones for 9 months and now feeling good but it wasn't an instant fix and I still have some off days. I can go to work and deal with most situations again. My motivation is returning now to do the things I enjoy.

    • Posted

      I was HRT but I felt it wasn't suiting me . However I have started taking it again today along with sertraline and a bucket full of vitimins. I have never experienced anything like this . At points I have dreaded going to bed at night in fear I wouldn't wake up.

      This forum and all the comments has helped ,far more than my gp.

      I'm thinking of taking up yoga . Starting today . So hopefully along with that and HRT I will start to feel like myself again.

      Thank you for your reply . X

  • Posted

    My dear lady,

    Ditto, to all you have just said.

    I only joined this forum on Monday, but, wow, since writing a very low status, I have had the most wonderful responses 😊

    I have a day off work today, I work in the evening on Wednesdays.  Last night, was again a very restless night, with aches and constantly waking up.  It comes as quite a shock when I used to be a person who could enjoy 8 hours of undisturbed quality sleep!! All I want to do is go back to bed.

    My my family are not at all understanding of my constant mood swings, low self esteem, can't make decisions, emotional wreck and crying.  My husband is not understanding of the fact I have completely gone off marital relations. 

    I had an ultrasound scan yesterday, for investigation to an ache I have had in my lower right side which then moved to lower left side, questioning my kidneys. Also to check my ovaries, as I felt they were being squeezed!  The stenographer, told me that by accident she found gall stones!! Could not take pictures of my womb as she said it was "sulking"! In that it was lying straight and no pictures could be taken.  So I am being recalled in 6 weeks to see if it's stopped sulking!!  🙄 Also, following blood tests have a slightly raised WBC, so having a re test.  This all resulted from a GP appointment, that in 10 minutes I just shoved the NHS Menopause explanation sheet infront of the Doctor with "highlighted" symptoms that applied to me.  Started crying because I was so low, she said would you like antidepressants? NO NO NO, I said!! Really, I do not want to go down that avenue!! Have seen what antidepressants can do to people, so I choose not to.  

    Anyway, what I am trying to say, albeit, a bit long winded, you are not alone my lovely lady. Keep strong in the knowledge, you are not alone.  Hold you head up high, we will get through this, however though it gets! Smile xx

    • Posted

      I only joined a few weeks ago and it the best thing I have done 😊. Thank you so much for your response . I got emotional reading it . It's a shame we all can't meet up for coffee and a laugh. I so need to laugh .

      Hugs

      Samantha

    • Posted

      That's one other thing I have encountered!  My inability to meet up with my circle of regular friends, especially the "high maintenance " ones.  I am a Pieces, and am as my star sign says, very caring, bubbly out going person, until SLAP in the face from menopause!!  I have made excuses not to be out with some friends, as instead of my usual caring and listening to them, have felt the urge to say what's in my head and it's like Tourette's, instead of thinking it I say it out loud!! Then I am shocked at what I have just said, as it's so unlike me!! I used to love meeting up with various friends, shopping all day, lunch and coffee, afternoon tea, etc etc! Now, I can not bear to be out of the house amongst people, for fear of me breaking down, getting anxious, etc!! 

      Yes, it would be lovely to meet with fellow sufferers for a coffee and good old moan about the way we feel. 

      I do have one friend who is very understanding, which is great.  I do wonder, though, if she gets rather fed up with me😫.

      Laughing is the best medicine. Do not know what your seance of humour is like, but, I have found watching clips of Peter Kay is a great way to make me smile and lol 😝 xx

    • Posted

      Take good care SJane. Hope it goes well with the scan. We are all in tge same boat.
  • Posted

    Dear Samantha, I feel and go through exactly the same phase. And I HATE IT. I get very angry very quickly. I was shouting at my 8 year old daughter(I am 48!) something so simple. Then I felt awfully guilty. I feel I CANNOT GET ANYTHING RIGHT. I feel I am waste of space. Like you just want to stay under duvet all day. But of course it is not possible. So live life in fear, anxiety and horror (I don'to take any medication). All the best. You are not alone. Let's hope it passes quickly..!

    • Posted

      I don't socialise anymore . Apart from feeling fat,old and ugly, most of the time I.m too tired . My friends are younger than me so I don't discuss it at all . There are groups you can attend which I tried once . Unfortunately they aren't for me . Just sharing each other's experiences on this forum has become part of my daily routine😊. I too have zero patience with my family . I go into panic mode over the slightest thing . This cause chest pain and then I feel poorly and have to nap . I have my family who while supportive do not understand at all. Some days I feel so lonely so thank goodness for this forum . And it a chance for a good old moan 😞

    • Posted

      The same here! sad Scared of socialing. Zero confidence!
    • Posted

      I have always been fat, but the ' old ' part is new to me and I don't like it! I had alway been bullied for my weight.  

      May I ask what age are you Samantha?

      I am 58 and some days feel 78!

      i have recently taken up Zumba, Booiaka and have one hour PT.  The dance classes are really quite helpful, as it's a way of releasing pent up strain and anger, whilst staying reasonably fit! 

      Do you do any exercise?  xx

       

    • Posted

      Try going to the theatre or cinema, that way you are going out, but don't have to enter into conversations during the screenings. 

      Do you do exercise?  I go to Zumba and Booiaka, it's the best thing I have ever done 😊

    • Posted

      I am 49 . I was diagnosed with pre menopausal at 39. It's along journey.. yes I go walking daily . Depending on how I feel is depending how far.. I've started yoga today. Not sure if it's for me but I'm determined to stick at it for now.

    • Posted

      Hi Imaginecelebi, I use to be like that I'm not as bad but still have some kind of socializing out..every time I meet my friend I will get all agitated and can't sit still feel giddy, your not on your own, as I said I'm getting bit better now saying hello to people and not saying Hi and running home Lol.

  • Posted

    Samantha...YES!!! I seem to obsess over negative thoughts constantly and it feels like sleeping is the only escape. Then when I wake up those thoughts start all over again and I dread the whole day long. When I'm out doing things I think that it will help get my mind off of things, but then out of nowhere I start getting a panic attack and want to throw up. Trying to enjoy things that I used to just a few months ago is impossible. I completely feel like that person is never going to appear again. My husband tries to be supportive, but he's getting fed up and keeps telling me to just "stop" thinking those things and all that does is make me feel even more lonely. Most people complain about the physical aspects of this monster, but it's the psychological craziness that makes me want to check in to the nearest hospital if I could. I want to thank everybody for expressing their feelings because every time I start thinking I'm the only one I come back here and feel a little bit better...for awhile at least. I am just hoping I can make it to the other side in one piece.

    • Posted

      Yes the psychological part of menopause is hellish. I can be out having a good time and all of a sudden I start having crazy negative thoughts. Like "why are I having such a good time? Is something bad about to happen"? Or "Am I deserving of this happy moment"? It's ridiculous!  Just pray and pray!!!

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