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I'm in a breakdown :'' (

Posted , 8 users are following.

False_Hope
False_Hope

Right now i'm on the way to a path of destruction. I been stabbed in the back too many times and my enemies have got the better of me once again, I havn't got the energy no more... i have lost interest in all the things i used to love doing and now i force myself to even do something. I feel so miserable everyday i feel like i'm in a nightmere... people's voices make my skin creep, i feel like i'm dying or something i feel so lost within myself... there's not 1 day goes by without me thinking about death, i feel like i should be in some trash bag with a hole in my head being ready to be crushed i can feel myself being slowly detached from this world through all the trauma i been through i have done extremely well to be were i am today and sh** is my thanks. I cry all the time because of the hurt i'm going through... i just want to feel numb 24/7, School life didn't work out for me, college life didn't work out for me, family life didn't work out for me, i am too hurt to connect to this world... my heart is broken... everytime i leave the house i always plug my earphones in because i hate the sound of life and being alive. And even today when i went out for a walk in nature i still felt alone like if i'm not part of this world. I really am a peice of sh** right now... i havn't got nothing mutch going for me, i suffered alot,i even considered to drink and do painkillers because of the hurt i'm going through and i thought if i'm hurting i made aswell hurt even more, i just wish somebody can just put a needle in me so i can finally end this nightmare and be in heavenly peace. Amen

                                                     :' (

2 likes, 34 replies

34 Replies

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  • julian33896
    julian33896 False_Hope

    Posted

    Hi!

    Many people go through this, you are not alone. How long have you been feeling like this/how old are you?

    • False_Hope
      False_Hope julian33896

      Posted

      I'm 17, i been feeling like this since late 2013 and i don't seem to get any better i don't know if i'm plain scared or what but it's scary...
  • killerkid700
    killerkid700 False_Hope

    Posted

    Hello

    You sound like you're suffering with a horrible amount of depression, I really recommend you talk to your doctor about this. Please, don't end your life, you've got lots left to live. Find someone who will help you, be them friend or professional, and try to get through this. There will be something better eventually, you just need to stay here and keep fighting.

    Good luck to you Xx

  • False_Hope
    False_Hope

    Posted

    I can remember a few days ago when i was out i kept jumping up while looking at the sky and i imagined myself flying up to the sky and being happy and i was thinking why am i here on this earth! i dont want to be here! and i started to get frustrated. Today i had a vision of myself with a rope hanging from a tree and feeling all the stress being let go free...
    • killerkid700
      killerkid700 False_Hope

      Posted

      Please don't make any attempts on your life, tell your doctor exactly how you feel and get an urgent referral to a mental health specialist. There are plenty of methods to help you overcome this but you have to be willing to try
    • julian33896
      julian33896 False_Hope

      Posted

      Hi I'm 19! Close to your age, everything gets better, don't let a few people ruin your happiness. There is so much more than that! Think calmly, you will be ok and don't need to do anything to harm yourself. You can get through this! It's just a short phase of your life, there's much much more happiness and joy to experience
    • manda08392
      manda08392 killerkid700

      Posted

      I am glad to see you have a more positive outlook on this. I think you are the perfect person to help.
  • mari34228
    mari34228 False_Hope

    Posted

    Oh you are so young sweetheart. Do you have anyone around you at all that you trust? That you can tell? There is help out there for you if you ask for it. And more importantly there is hope.

    killerkid is right. You need to speak to a doctor. They will get you the help you need. And you CAN be helped. It's hard to admit the way you are feeling to anyone but once you do then you can start to move forwards with your life.

    It sounds like things have been hard for you but don't give up on yourself.

    Take care. xx

     

    • False_Hope
      False_Hope mari34228

      Posted

      I havn't got no-one my parents have been baster** to me i don't see or talk to my mother anymore because of what she did to me... i currently live with my father and everytime i try and tell him what i'm going through he seems to have the anwsers for everything and that's why i shut myself off. I never had a proper boys life because my parents psycologically damaged me in the past which lead me to think and act differently and they accused me of having something wrong with me which made me so depressed it mentally crippled me. I never left the house due to my low self esteem, i don't see myself anymore even when i look at myself in the mirror all i see is a dark shadowy figure... a bad charactre of a better man...
    • mari34228
      mari34228 False_Hope

      Posted

      I'm very sorry to hear that. But just because your parents treated you badly doesn't mean that nobody cares. You are young. You have your whole life to live and to meet someone who will love you. But that is in the future. Right now, regardless of your father's opinions, you need help.

      Are you registered with a doctor? If not it's easy to do. But get yourself an appointment soon. You don't need to tell your dad. In the meantime, have you tried phoning helplines such as Breathing Space or the Samaritans? There are people there who will listen to you and will not judge you. That way you can get out how you are feeling.

      People DO care. xx

    • False_Hope
      False_Hope mari34228

      Posted

      Yes i am. but i wont say i have had a difficult childhood i just had a difficult teenagehood i'm more troubled than anything i shouldn't of suffered the way i did. The world is a sick place when it can be... but nothing will erase the pain i got... nothing.
    • mari34228
      mari34228 False_Hope

      Posted

      I don't know what you have been through but you can absolutely get help for how you are feeling. It might not 'erase' it but there are ways of helping you to manage it so it becomes smaller and smaller until it is no longer taking over and destroying your life.

      Please go to your doctor. You really can be helped. You don't believe that right now as everything looks so bleak. But that is because your mind is depressed and depression is crippling and sends you into a negative spiral. But with professional help you can get out of that. I promise. It will take time but firstly you need to make that first step and talk to your doctor.

      Your life CAN get better. Speak to your doctor. Please. xx

    • hypercat
      hypercat False_Hope

      Posted

      No of course you shouldn't have,  but that's life I'm afraid.  None of us should have suffered but you can decide to be a victim or you can decide to be a survivor. 

      I agree the world can be a sick place,  but on the reverse it can also be a wonderful place.  You have to take the bad with the good!   But don't give up on life coz there will come a time when you realise this - trust me.  x

    • julian33896
      julian33896 False_Hope

      Posted

      Is there a counselor at your school? At that could be a good first step to finding a good doctor if you aren't quite sure how to.
    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67 False_Hope

      Posted

      Can you talk to a school counselor? This isnt fair the way you are living. It will get better you know. HS is meaningless in terms of the kuds, the education is important. I hope your going to college you might end up loving life in a couple of years. You are depressed, clinally depressed thats evident and it would be great if you could call your doctor yourself and let the doc know they will help you. Your parents are human and cant teach you what they dont know so if they are mean its probably all they know themselves.ithere is a crisis center or phone number call it.if you are too scared then talk to a counselor at school. Youd be surprised how many kuds your age are feeling the same way as you are, you wont shock anyone by telling them your depressed. Try and keep busy, listen to music hopefully not screamo crap or rap its so negative. Just know life does get better.
    • False_Hope
      False_Hope lisalisa67

      Posted

      Last time i been to school was back in early 2012, There's always something and someone for everybody and that certaintly aint for me. Iv'e grown up like this and that's what makes me a man of god because i'm baseically a man of my own everything i did i found myself alone it's part of who i am but dosent matter what people say love is happiness, and that was taken away from me years ago... that's why i'm here searching for the truth and desperatly fighting for a way out. Trust me when your not wright inside there's nothing you can do... it's like a child crying inside you and there's nothing you can do apart from cry together and hope your sanity is enough to cure that feeling, Being on this earth has consequences and once your here it's hard to go back because of your responsiblities...
    • False_Hope
      False_Hope julian33896

      Posted

      No i do nothing and i never will. I became what the world wanted me to be. because if it really worked out that way... i would be like all the other wise kids who enjoy every second of there live's and feel good doing it and find harmony, unlike me who can barely get out of bed on time due to my self pitty and watch everybody elses lives while i fall into delusion and think about how my life could of been, but as they say...''The show must go on''
    • julian33896
      julian33896 False_Hope

      Posted

      There are many kids who feel the same way as you or have felt that way. Even though you feel like you're alone you're not. Keep staying strong, your only 17, your life can still be what you want it to be!
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