I'm in refuge I'm so depressed!

It is normal to turn to alcohol at times of stress or anxiety, as it blocks out these thoughts and hits the opioid receptors, genrally making people feel happier, albeit temporary.

Of course your brain will tell you to keep going, because being mellow is a pleasurable experience. As for it escalating, that is usually down to the underlying problem i.e. your current situation. You are vulnerable at the moment, so just try to keep it at the couple a night and it is good that you are leaving the wine and spirits alone. The problem with regular daily drinking is that your body becomes used to it and requires more alcohol to give you the same experience.

There is a depression section on this forum; https://patient.info/forums/discuss/browse/depression-683

I would have a read of the threads first before posting, as it may not be for you. Funily enough it contains depressed people and some of them are a bit manic and it can drag you down. My style of posting was a bit too forthright for them, they are a sensitive crowd.

I can't comment on your current situation, with regards to your partner/husband, having never had any experience of this, but I'm sure the refuge has people that provide support on this matter.

Did he plead guilty on assault for both you and your son? I was in a domestic situation for over 22 years...I'm proud of you that you have taken "refuge" and that he is under charges.  I don't know how the UK looks at domestic violence but in the US...the judge would not let him change his plea for domestic.

​The drinking..I don't think you sound like you are a "problem" drinker although you are drinking AT your problems.  Like RHGB said...it feels good to escape and you are under an amount of stress where you want relief and are medicating yourself with alcohol. 

​Possibly just stick to your bed time largers...and just two....because you are doing it at bedtime...and then your going to bed....I don't see you "over drinking".  Just don't start in the day as you have a little one to look after.

I'm really sorry to hear about all you're going through.

That is a lot of trauma and your body is reacting by over producing adrenalin and cortisol - the flight or fight stress hormones.

The alcohol you're drinking is a depressant and serves to temporarily numb these feelings. Many people drink to relax after a stressful day. The problem arises when we use alcohol to self medicate - especially for extreme stress, trauma or psychological issues.

I have a lot of personal experience with this so I can explain first hand.

This self medication seems to work pretty well in the beginning - so much so that we crave the calming effects and that leads to the second problem which is the addictive nature of alcohol. Because we don't need a prescription or a therapist - alcohol can seem like a very quick and comfortable "solution" to deal with stress and trauma how ever short lived. Then our body becomes used to the alcohol and we need more and more to achieve the same calming effects.

I say this because it seems you are well aware that you are starting to crave more alcohol to calm yourself.

While a few beers every night is not generally considered alcoholism - the fact that you are using it to self medicate - I believe gives you more of a chance to develop into an unhealthy behavior.

I want to say this:

You are incredibly strong. You got yourself and your children out of a situation that was damaging to yourself and to them on an emotional, psychological and physical level. That takes tremendous courage and you should be very proud of yourself. Continue to press charges - gain evidence and witnesses. This will be one of the hardest things you've ever done - but do not back down.

It is easy (and boy do I know it) to want to numb yourself and escape. You are in the midst of a crisis. I know it doesn't seem like it - but this WILL get better. This is not forever. This is a hurdle in your life - a large one but not impassable.

You say you have a prescription? Do you have insurance? Can you get into counseling? Talk to a doctor? Join a local support group for women suffering abuse? If you're in a shelter they might have some resources for free help.

I'm the daughter of an alcoholic (abused) mother - and now an alcoholic myself - I can honestly say that for your kids sake - you need to show them a better coping mechanism than alcohol. I was taught that behavior and it became ingrained in me at a young age. I am still trying to teach myself a better way.

You ARE dealing with stress and trauma - but so are they. This is the perfect opportunity to show them strength, resilience and fortitude. It won't be easy - but I believe in you. Talk with them about it. Make sure you get them some support as well to cope with what happened. You can do it together. You're not alone and there are resources out there - you just have to be tenacious and find them.

Try some breathing techniques, meditate on your inner strength and power, listen to calming music, eat well, stretch, take a long walk, take this time to come back to yourself - to care for yourself again and tap into the inner power you posses. You are worthy of peace, happiness, joy and abundance.

You took the first step - now Just keep going.