I'm losing hope

Posted , 4 users are following.

Anxiety is a freakin plague, let's face it. I've been trying to be positive for almost an entire year since I started feeling this way and I'm honestly getting more and more tired. Mentally more than anything. I'm losing hope in myself. 

I just feel like God, or whatever is out there, is really testing me. I've recently been diagnosed with an enlarged lymph node and am due for a biopsy in the near future (don't know when yet). I'm back to waking up with upset stomach, diarrhea (I know, TMI), feeling like I'm going to lose it, sweaty palms, like I just want to run away from all this. 

I'm just terrified of cancer or some other disease. I've already been through so much trauma in my life, I don't know how I could handle something like that. I really don't know why I even posted this. I don't know what I expect people to say that hasn't already been said. I don't know how it would help, but I don't know what else to do.

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  • Posted

    Hi Mitch

    Take 1 day at a time that is the best advice for anyone struggling at the moment.

    Have you seen your gp about getting some talking therapy or meds maybe?

     

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  • Posted

    Hope you are having a better day, Mitch. Make this a day of determination. Book an appointment with the GP to talk over meds or whatever other methods he suggests.

    I will say this about your cancer worry. My son went to the GP over something I prefer not to disclose here. The GP sent him to the Hospital because GP's pick up on anything untoward. He was at the hospital for a total of about 9 hours and came home totally exhausted. Cat Scan. MRI scan. Then on to see the Opthamologist. Blood tests, urine tests, heart monitor, and the list goes on. But what I'm really trying to say is, GP's and the hospital A@E swoop down on any irregularity and push ahead with tests. It's an elimination process so to speak. And if it makes you feel any better they found something rare ( yet they had still picked up on it!) but non life threatening, thank God. He is due for surgery and treatment will be lifelong.

    In fact it was so rare the Specialist mentioned he might only "see" it once in his career, or even never at all. He knows of it's existance, He even brought in his "team" so that they might be able to see  it for themselves it in a patient.

    Forget about cancer/ diseases. Concentrate upon dealing with the anxiety, day by day, step by step. That's the true road to recovery

    And best wishes dear

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    • Posted

      Wow. I am so sorry to hear that rolleyes I hope your son will adjust well to his new way of life. Unfortunately, that makes me more nervous. In fact, I don't feel all that "heard" by doctors sometimes. 

      The only reason they "found" anything is because I pointed it out. Actually, every time I went in about the lump they could hardly see it. I guess they thought I was being a hypochondriac. I know my body way too well. A couple of doctors told me it was a benign cyst, without doing any testing! I knew something was not right about that. So after getting my doctor changed a few times, I got this one guy who was relatively new to the field. They're usually the ones that refer people the most (from what I've noticed) and luckily he suggested an ultrasound just to make sure. Lo and behold! It wasn't a cyst at all. 

      It really makes me not trust people, honestly. 

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    • Posted

      I am so sorry I made you more nervous. That was not my intention. plesse forgive me.

      I had hoped that hearing my son's story you would understand that the medical profession

      Are alert to anything untoward, ergo, they would have done so with you.

      Apparently this has not been so in your case.1 feel bad for you and worse still that your trust is gone. I hope all goes well with you.

      Best wishes

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    • Posted

      Hello dear. I was apologizing to you for making you more nervous. I feel awful about that! That was not my intention in telling you about my son, far from, so please forgive me. I wanted to point out that if the medics can "pick Up " something rare then they don't miss much. Apparently that has not been your experience

      I hope you are okay? I send best wishes and humble apologies

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    • Posted

      Oh no!!! PLEASE do not apologize! It's normal to get more nervous when you hear other's stories, but I know that was definitely NOT your intention. It's just in my nature to get nervous about everything rolleyes haha

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    • Posted

       Many AD sufferers always see themselves as cowards, Mitch, when the opposite is true! We have an inner resilience non- sufferers cannot even dream or hope of having. Yes, we are cursed with an overactive imagination and yes, in the face of adversity we might crumble somewhat, but we still stand tall and firm. Look what we endure on a daily basis! But we never stop, no matter how exhausting, looking for a way out of the anxiety maze, we never stop helping each other on this Forum. AD sufferers have other remarkable traits missing in non-sufferers. They have empathy, understanding, they are non-judgemental of others  and most prized of all, they are utterly lacking in selfishness.

      If you ask me, that takes great strength of character smile

       

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    • Posted

      Mitch, I absolutely agree with Helen. You are a particularly strong person. What helps me the most when I slide sideways in feeling a little sorry for myself, is hopping right on this forum and seeing who i can encourage. You do that very well.

      Whatever we dwell on in our minds, seems to get worse in our bodies....so I am doing my best to be a "non dweller." biggrin I pay less and less to what my mind tries to tell me is true when I know darn well it isn't.

      A coward is not someone who goes out of there way to help another....that does NOT describe you, dear Mitch.

       

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    • Posted

      Amen to that, Cia dearest. I used to believe, many moons ago, that I was a miserable creature who couldn't  "pull herself together. "  Then I looked back upon the tragedies I had to endure and realized that yes, it might have left me immersed in AD ( and little wonder ) but that I was still standing, so to speak, despite everything.

      When my son had a crippling headache that went on for days,, when one eyelid drooped and his pupil dilated to a pinpoint, I was struck with terror for him but the strength AD instilled in me came to my rescue when I needed it the most. Not for myself. For my son. There were fears of a brain tumour, a blockage in the main neck artery which was potentially life threatening....yes, I'll admit I asked God to please, please strike me with anything, absolutely any ill He chose, but not let anything happen to my son.

      I was calm oddly enough. That AD strength kept me on an even keel. I kept "faith" I was rewarded.

      But the lesson here is whilst AD takes so much away from us with one hand, we fail to recognize that it gives back something that is invaluable in times of need.

      More importantly, it makes us far better human beings

      Love you, dear smile You are another massive bonus of AD, you and the Forum as a whole

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