I’m scared I’ll never be pain free again. How to think more positively?

I know my case might not be as severe as some of yours out there, but I’m worried and anxious and sad right now so I’m gonna tell my story.

I’m a 22-year-old female living in the UK. My knee pain (both my knees) started in 2013. I had been doing intense cardio exercises for 4 months or before, all of a sudden, my pain started during my cardio session. The pain was so bad I had to stop. I remember the next day I walked to school and the pain was so bad I could barely walk and I was in tears. I went to my doctor and he said I “stretched “ my MCLs and recommended rest and a gel that was supposed to help with the pain and reduce inflammation. My knees weren’t swollen or anything and I could bend them normally, just that they were very sore. The pain went away in 2-3 weeks.

In 2014 I started working out again (squats and lunges with no weights this time), but after the second session  the pain started again. Went to see an orthopaedist, he took an X-ray , everything was normal and he said I was suffering from Osgood-Schlatter Disease. The pain went away in 2 or 3 weeks again with rest.

Less than a month ago I was really determined to start working out again so I tried to do a few simple leg exercises and I noticed my knees were a tiny bit sore. I decided to see a physio and after a long conversation she said I have Patellofemoral pain syndrome. We did a few shoulder bridges and stuff like that to see what hurts and what doesn’t and the session left me in pain, but only like 3/10 pain. 

When I got home I did a few leg extensions and my knees started hurting even more. The next day I had to go to work (my job is really physical, I work at McDonald’s) and by the end of my shift I was in agony. I had worked here for more than a year and never had knee pain before doing those exercises. 

I had to take time off from work, but I went back after 5 days like an idiot. I don’t know if I made it worse or not, the pain is always there even when I rest,

 Naproxen does help a, but it doesn’t remove the pain completely. I had to stop taking it because it gave me acid reflux. Tomorrow is my last day of work and after that I’m gonna be off for at least 2 weeks. I also have another appointment with my doctor tomorrow. He hasn’t been of much help tbh, he told me not to go to work if I felt like it was too much. Ordered another X-ray which was fine, I want to ask him  tomorrow’ to refer me to an MRI. He also recommended me to get a blood test which I haven’t yet because I have the worst blood phobia ever.

now I’m scared that my pain won’t go away like it used to do in the past because I went back to work while I was still in pain.

i get pain on the right and left side of patella, under it especially when walking and sometimes behind the knee cap.

My left knee also feels very tight or something like that, it’s hard to explain, when I’m in bed, resting. It’s a weird sensation. I sometimes get pain in my quads and down to my feet as well which I don’t know if I used to in the past as it was a few years ago and I don’t really remember.

i know I might sound dramatic but I’m really scared I won’t be able to enjoy the rest of my life cause of this knee problem. There’s a concert on the 13th to which my friends are going but I don’t know if I should go I’m so scared that every move is gonna make it worse, I’m not even sure if I’m supposed to be in bed all day or not. I can’t afford to go back to physio either.

Just looking for support and people with similar experiences. Sorry if this was hard to read. English is not my first language and grammar is not really my thing either.

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