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I'm so depressed, I want my old self back

Posted , 12 users are following.

Cat05D
Cat05D

I am a 29 year old Mother to one 17 month old Daughter. My partner has had a tough life and drinks on average 148 standard drinks of spirits a week! At the very start I never knew for a long time as he got so good at hiding his drinking from his last wife. When I did find out (after finding the stash) he opened up and told me he had heavy drink for years (now about 12 years) we worked at it for a long time but he kept slipping up! He keeps telling me he will cut down and it will change but they are empty words, I know this now from the last year at least. He won't go to the doctors, he won't go to a counsellor, he won't talk to his family, I'm not allowed to talk to mine (even though I secretly talk to my Dad he is my support person) but I am so stressed!! I can't leave but I don't feel like I have the strength to stay! So stuck! And advice? I use to just want help for him, now I need help for myself!!!

1 like, 30 replies

30 Replies

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  • l71207
    l71207 Cat05D

    Posted

    I really feel for you Cat. I just turned 38 and have put my wife of 1w years through real hell in the last few. I became a maintenance drinker who consumed up to 140 shots a week at my extreme. There is hope even if he doesn't think there is. Adefree helped me to find a doctor in my area to prescribe me Naltrexone and by following TSM I just went through over a week with no alcohol. On average I now only have maybe two drinks before bed if I do. My wife has told me as well that she was afraid what would happen to me if she left. I can't believe I made her feel that way. We are now trying to start a family. Be strong but be safe for yourself and your baby no matter how much you love him.

    • Cat05D
      Cat05D l71207

      Posted

      Thanks for your advice and for being open about your situation. I know he does care about what he is doing, just not once he has started which is unfortunate. I think because a spirit is his drink of choice it makes it a lot harder. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet.

    • sharon7979
      sharon7979 Cat05D

      Posted

      Yes spirits are prob the worst kind but drink is drink at the end of the day. He has to want to change for himself...i know its hard hearing all of this from some of us, We all just have to be honest. Keep posting and still keep coming on, if only to give yourself some support (although i hope he will). Its hard for him as he has been drinking for so long it has become a way of life and from his point of view he prob doesnt know who he is anymore without it. That scares him although he may not admit it to himself, he is too familar with that feeling. I am sure he also aIso loves you so much and your daughter but at the end of the day  is very lost himslef as a person. It is not easy for any of you. I hope you didnt think i was too forward in saying what i have said in other comments, its just that as a drinker i know what it feels like to pretty much lose your family. It is tough love and he will feel it if you do leave but hopefully know that he can get it back if he makes an effort. I know your not quite sure and neither were we what point hes at but there is nothing worse than the feeling of seeing your family leave. But there is hope for him and like i say i am sure he loves you, he needs some time to sort himself out. You just have to do what  your instincts tell you is right as well. Feel for you and like i said before keep in touch.
    • Cat05D
      Cat05D sharon7979

      Posted

      I know it's not easy for him aswell, that's why I don't anger him or talk about it negatively, I politely tell him every morning what he did the previous because he said he wanted me to tell him, I feel like it just makes him hate himself

    • sharon7979
      sharon7979 Cat05D

      Posted

      Its def  not easy for either of you...at the end of the day though its up to him to try and do something about it. In the end for himself which will give him and you your life back. x
    • sharon7979
      sharon7979 Cat05D

      Posted

      Hows things with you Cat? Havent heard from you in a while? x
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