I'm tired of life, with little reason, not dramatic - just 'done'...

Unfortunately there is very little I, or any other stranger, could say that would automatically give you hope. Not if you want a genuine answer rather than an empty sentiment of 'you're amazing!'.

What I would say is you need to look at any positives if you can find them, you need to ask a friend, family member if they have any. You need to think is there any of these things you can change if you don't like them? If you conclude you are hopeless then you need to speak to a Doctor and see if there is anything they can advise.

Without details it's impossible to give you hope. I doubt anyone can give you a magic answer. But if you say x is the issue then maybe you can plan your way through it, not to solve it but to have hope.

Hope is hard.

Thank you So much for the reply rsjg. Here it goes.. My problem is something too irrigative even myself. I am unmarried and i am 26 years old. I was in relationship with a guy more than 5 years.. We broke up many times and compromised too many times. It’s all just bcz I have bad habit of not hurting anyone. Whatever he does I used to excuse him. However he was kinda guy with negative/inferiority complex. He always used to think that I ll cheat him even though I did lot many sacrifices for him and waited for 5 years. He always used to imagine that I have other affairs even if I say 100 times dont think negative. His words tortured me like hell. I Started to doubt myself by listening same kinda blamings from him every time. Finally decided to come out from that relationship. I said OK to my parents for their process of searching guys for me. But my mind set is not allowing me to say OK to any of the guys they show. I get too many questions and I find too many faults in everyone. Even sometimes I feel like why do I get marry and spoil that guy's life? Sometimes I feel I dont want marriage and run away from all. Whole village started to talk wrong about me. I do even started to doubt myself. Am I mental?

I dont even mingle too much with freinds these days. There is a reason for that. I dont mingle too much with female friends, coz I feel that girls always have jealous and always two girls cant be friends for so long coz possessiveness is the big chalenge in girls. And I have the real experience with my so called female friends. I am fine to mingle with guys from my childhood. But whichever guy becomes my friend, I treat him as my Good friend. But for them/him always friendship with girl-means a different thing. I dont understand why all guys sexually attract towards me even if i dont expect it from them. I doubt myself that do I look like prostitute? I dont think so... But If I intrupt and ask about marriage with the same guy he of- course rejects me. Whats wrong with me. Why the whole world is like this? I feel tortured when I think about this kinda behavior from my so called friends. So I stopped to talking any friends.. Neither girls.. nor guys... Bcs of all these confusions I am not even satisfied with my professional life. Feeling too much stressed. I started to stay alone now. But staying alone suppressed me completely. I feel like I lost meaning for life. I dont understand why am I alive. Why should we lead life just to earn. why should we lead the life to struggle like this. If someone suggests me to go enjoy the life by partying or travelling, then I feel like why do we need to enjoy life when there is no use to anyone? Just to lead the life I need to live? There must be a reason or meaning for our life, else living like hopeless is of no use. I hate myself. I feel like I am burden for my parents. I cant even die when they are alive. I cant hurt them. I cant even live the life like this. Feeling frustrated on my own behavior. 

I know I will have to consult a psychiatrist for counseling. But am I really a patient? what is my fault in this? Society influenced my mind like this. It is not my by birth character. My life is full of questions. Full of dilemmas. 

Please forgive me if any of this is presumptious, but I have to reply on a 'feeling' when I am reading strangers' messages and so if any of what I've assumed is incorrect please tell me.

I am 34 and unmarried but I get the feeling this is a cultural issue for you? You say you feel you need to be married, yet I know no-one who married before 30 and a majority of those were much later. Do you WANT to be married? There really is no rush.

As to your ex, you have shown great strength to leave someone you felt wasn't treating you well or was making you think badly of yourself. I am not going to slate him as I'm sure he has his own side of the story. But you were together five years which shows you have no issues with commitment either. Both of these show some strength but, again, being single is not a bad thing. Be single for as long as you want or until you find the right person.

I keep coming back to the feeling there is a cultural reason for you wanting to be married/ with someone? That is very difficult for me to advise. However, maybe moving away of that is possible to be your own person and npt live the life others expect you to? If it's possible of course. I know we all like to think of life as being poilte but some people simply can not accept others ways of thinking so it is sometimes better to just move to where you are accepted for who you are, whether that be single, old, young, gay or 'weird'! The fight normally isn't worth it.

As for your relationships with guys then, again, it's hard to put a finger on the 'issue'. In fact a lot of issues are not gender specific - you can't help who you find attractive. I have seen plenty of women who I think are stunning, but some are horrible people! I also can't force myself to find attractive someone I don't just because they are a lovely person. If you are very attractive then you should only take it as a compliment. You will never stop people finding you attractive or not, it's uncontrollable. You dress how you want, you act how you want and then people can decide whether they find the outside of you attractive, you just be you.

You also seem to be relatively passive in your selection of potential partners, they don't just have to chose you, you have to chose them too. What are you looking for in a partner? I have only ever ended up dating girls I have been friends with for quite a time beore it ever turned romantic and that seems to be a good way to realy get to know someone. Especially if you're female and they only really after one thing! Again, if it's cultural it's different, but I don't understand the urge to speak about marriage so soon - I'll be honest, if any woman spoke to me about marriage after a few months I'd be running a mile!

As for men being friends with women and vice-versa, if there is an attraction there then it's hard not to want more - not just men. But I do believe it is possible to be friends with the opposite sex without there ever being anything else. However, if you find someone attractive and get on with them really well of course they are going to want to make it something more as what's missing?! You again should take it as a compliment that men seem to find you attractive and interesting! If you don't reciprocate their feelings and they can't handle it then that's their issue. I've been friends with women who I've quite 'liked' but haven't felt the same towards me so I accept it and remained good friends with them.

So in summary it's hard to answer you. If I could suggest one thing without offence, it'd be to think what YOU want. You need to be selfish for a bit - what do you want from life, what do you want in a partner, do you want to be single for a bit? Ignore parents, ignore society, ignore expectations. At least then you can find a path to where you want to be - you're never going to please everyone so the easiest thing to do first is please yourself. You're 26, you're not old, you give the impression you're at least attractive and interesting to those you meet and have friends and family who look after you, you are in no rush but just decide what YOU want.

You both acknowledge there have been difficult times and that you've done a lot with your life already. I don't know how old you are but I'd suggest both of those things could be focused on to give you some reason for feeling as you do. Have you fully resolved the difficult times through grief therapy for example? And all the stuff you've done - what did you enjoy and why can't you do it again? They must be at least good stories.

Your job seems a big source of your feelings too. It is my belief that society makes us all believe we're supposed to love our jobs and this can lead to discontentment. If everyone loves there job then why do people quit when they win the lottery?! I think the key is to find a job you job don't hate, something that is just ok. You then use it as a means to and end - it brings in money that allows you to do the things you want to do. If you somehow find a job you love I think you're one of the lucky ones!

Again I may be oversimplifying, but you give the impression that if you were content at work you'd feel a lot better and that in itself gives you a goal. It may not be a quick fix but your goal could simply be to find a job that is simply ok, or accept that not everyone loves their job. Focus on the wage slip and what you can do with it, big or small.

Thank you for your reply. I think it's fair to say people both know, and acknowledge, they have tried and they even admit there is little they can do to change my way of thinking - I'm called stubborn, over-thinking or too clever for my own good! I can turn almost any argument on its head. So whilst I accept they may be sad for a short time, I don't agree they'd feel guilty. I still just try to balance feeling sad for a while with having to put up with me 'forever' - shortest pain seems to be the first one.

I really can't face a doctor again.

Hey, doctors can be a pain in the ass, certainly they are when checking for prostate. Anyway you might need to find a tipping point in life. Some adventure that takes you away from the doldrums. Nothing life risking, but like six to 10 months away. Perhaps at sea on a cargo ship, or go work on an oil rig in Norway, or serve meals for a summer high on the Alps. Something where you face life in a much different way. Hell, hears sheep in Montana. Anything that changes your daily same old same old.

" chenical imbalance ", I know there is no spell check I certainly need it also. However you gave me a great big chuckle on that typo, thanks. Now I like to see spell check, grammar check and reason check. Truth check well that is up to each and every one of us.....Anyway a chemical imbalance is more than likely in every brain, after all what is normal ? 

An adventure is a lovely theory, but an impractical reality. Fundamentally, how does one pay for this adventure? If I could spend six months backpacking around the globe I would. I'd be interested in teaching in an area that really needed it. But all of it is unrealistic - it costs thousands to even take part in volunteer programs, I've checked.

Aside from that, you're leaving family behind which is largely the only thing that can keep me remotely sane. Without which, despite any new perspective or revelation, I fear would finally destroy me. If I have one glimmer of hope (that can also be a reason to go conversely if you read above) leaving is the end regardless.

As for spell checker - it's worse than that for those on tablets or phones like myself, autocorrect is a nightmare!

Hi Bil glad that u wer amused bi mi eror in spelin "chemical'.U cant be depresd if u ar so esily amused.I cum on hear to tri and he;p anywon with their problems based on my own experience of life and not to be belitted.What is normal ? where you can exist as an individual without harming yourself or others. Where you can interact in society while staying in the realms of common decency and within the law.

If you read up on chemical imbalance and depression it will tell you that  if you  have this,  there is no way you can 'turn yourself" and you spiral down.

 

Hi Barbara, please do not feel offended. I needed to express how I felt that I needed spell check, grammar check and reason chck. Not you. How depressed am I to be amused  so easily ? My meds help, my sessions help, rest helps, but as an outpatient of a PPH ( partial psych Hospital ) suffering PTSD for fifty years any help is welcome. Now let me again say worry if I offended you. 

I loved teaching, but in today's world that only takes up about 5% of your job, the other 95% was paperwork, meetings, scrutinies, reports, data etc. Kids aren't kids anymore, they're numbers on spreadsheets. I found that in every school I worked in. And I taught EY, so absolutely no need for it. Judging and pigeonholing a child from 4 years old is disgusting. Making them 'fit' in to a subsection to please political remit is even worse. My sense of humour is not an issue, although perhaps my backbone is! I take criticism quite hard and acknowledge that. But I always tried to be better at what I did, or in fact anything I do. I can laugh at myself easily and had fun with the childrenthe but never felt accepted by staff as some openly question a male teaching young children. Looking young didn't help either - parent's thought I wasn't old enough! I'm in my mid thirties. Im not talking about my sex life on an open forum. But no, I've not had my blood checked for thyroid issues but have no problems with sexual function, body heat, shaking or weight issues. I don't have an appetite at all (as in I forget to eat and genuinely don't know what hunger feels like) but the only 'issue' I sometimes wonder about truly medical is whether I lack testosterone as I have a relatively child like frame (appetite doesn't help I suppose!), can't grow a beard at all, can be quite irritable (with myself, never others) and obviously, low mood.

I have experienced loss. But I know that time fixes everything, life moves on whether you want it to or not. It's a poor example but it's most accurate I can give you that is based on real, not academic, events. My grandparent had a horrible disease that was progressively worse and caused him, and those seeing this, pain for a fair few years. When he died the family was very sad but, underlying, was the sense he was no longer suffering, and therefore neither were they having to watch it. Now maybe it'd have been possible with loads of money etc to extend his life another 5, 10 years - but even if it's possible would you want to? Would you want to keep someone suffering, watch them suffering day after day just so they were 'there'? Basically, do you believe in euthanasia? Now I know mental health can not be put in the same bracket, but to dismiss it entirely would not fit with the consensus that it is a serious disease. I therefore argue that my 'suffering' and those watching my suffering would not want me to die but ultimately feel better quickly rather than trying to keep me suffering just so I'm here. That's love to me, it's recognising that as much as it may hurt you or you'd miss them, that they'd be happier elsewhere. It's no different to seeing a friend leave the country, you'll miss them and might never talk to them again but it's what they need to do for themselves. I don't think if you love someone you would force them to carry on suffering just for you. I also don't believe if you love someone you allow yourself to be the one that hurts them so you take yourself away.