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I'm worried about my units

Posted , 11 users are following.

alexandra00711
alexandra00711

I try not to think about units.  A few decades back I was Anorexic and for years I've refused to weigh myself (given that I've had 3 beautiful healthy children and put on a couple of stone it's not critical) 

But I go cold when people talk about their unit consumption.

I currently drink every day and I'm waiting for Naltrexone  (on order) to help me out of the cycle.

But on non driving days I can happily soak 30 units a day whilst still functioning and people not really noticing.

To be honest I get away with 20 anyway.

I am a successful affluent 39 year old who works from home.

Today for example I went to the hairdresser for my 10am appointment and as I knew I'd be there for at least 3 hours (trying to defeat the greys) I took a small flask of 80% gin and 20% lemonade.  Managed to drink the lot before the appointment.  After the appointment I waited for my friend who was going to drive me home and bought a small bottle of Jacobs Creek.  I checked the first bottle of my favourite brand sauvignon but after seeing a disappointing 11% I opted for the 13.5 % chardonnay.  I went to the nearest public loos to decanter it into one of my childrens (past) water bottles whilst standing in my very nicest shoes in a puddle of p i s s because I was in too much of a hurry to get to a nicer cubicle.  I actually can't believe I'm writing this and that this is actually true and me.

I came home and altough I've cooked dinner and been ok and everyone loves me etc I've pretty much drunk loads and loads.  Had a conk out before the kids were dropped home by a pre arranged friend date.

I'm going to probably have several more glasses and possibly a large G&T before bed and my biggest hope is that I stay awake long enough to sleep the whole night, because if I conk out before 11pm I coud wake up mid night with a raging hangover.  Otherwise I can sleep till 6am and be fully funcional.

GOT TO GET A GRIP!!!  Thanks for listening xx

0 likes, 46 replies

46 Replies

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  • dawnrainbow
    dawnrainbow alexandra00711

    Posted

    I think the problem is for you right now that your body seems able to cope with that amount of booze.... and it leads you into a false sense of security.. but the fact you are concerned shows that you need to seek help to cut down a bit.. try gp or local addiction agencies for help 
    • alexandra00711
      alexandra00711 dawnrainbow

      Posted

      Thank you for your reply.  I've done the addiction clinics but not had any success.  I've got lots of hope on the Naltrexone I've ordered.  I really want to change.  I'll let you know how I get on.  xx

  • RHGB
    RHGB alexandra00711

    Posted

    A couple of things. "whilst standing in my very nicest shoes in a puddle of p i s s".

    Welcome to the world of alcohol addiction, I was never that bad, but I could see the future if I carried on.

    "But on non driving days I can happily soak 30 units a day whilst still functioning"

    And killing your liver and ending up with some serious health issues. I like you thought I could get away with it, it caught up with me when I was 48, so you maybe have 9 years.

    "and people not really noticing."

    Don't confuse not noticing with not saying anything to your face.

    I had a very good, senior management job with a top 50 international company, and I used alcohol as medication for the stress. It very nearly killed me, I know you have read my post about it.

    Sorry, for the hard facts and truth, it's all I deal in. Someone else will be along to be fluffy and offer hugs and kisses.

    • emma84640
      emma84640 RHGB

      Posted

      How did you come out if the hell hole if this addiction? How did you learn to cope better with the stress of your job? X
    • alexandra00711
      alexandra00711 RHGB

      Posted

      I really appreciated your reply.  I really wanted to tell you all the truth because I feel I'm at rock bottom and I'm waiting for the Naltrexone to arrive and I've got so much hope to change.  I just wanted to post this to remember where I am right now because I can't stay here, I've got to change.  Thank you for pointing out those sentances, perhaps I'll stick those words to my mirror and look at them every morning.

      I need hard facts and truth right now xx

    • RHGB
      RHGB emma84640

      Posted

      Well, I left the job, which meant a £10k salary reduction, lost the executive company car, gold plated pension, expense account, the list goes on. Which sent me into mild depression, but maybe just about saved my life.

      I still had a massive stroke two years ago (brought on by alcohol & hypertension) that almost killed me. As for the addiction, well I had a real 'want' to give up and I researched the options and the way alcohol affects people and the psychology.

      And I looked at the path ahead of me if I carried on, and decided that I hadn't come through so much, just to fail like that. I guess I had more of an incentive than most.

    • emma84640
      emma84640 RHGB

      Posted

      Such a lot to let go in order for a less stressful career but in a massive way a big big gain!

      Yes I see what you mean, the need to 'want' to stop. On brief occasions I feel up to it. Most the time the shame and depression feel so bad I opt for the easy option of buying another bottle.

      With my career I had a complete change. Went from science to accountancy, first accounts role they gave hardly any training and sacked me since I wasn't progressing fast enough. The next place the training was great but it was very clicky there. The director started bullying one girl they recruited at a higher level than she should have been (their mistake, not her saying she could do more than she really could) and as they were treating me bad too I felt for her and said something to HR. I git sack shortly after and her a couple weeks after. This place I'm at now I work all through lunch, get in early and last to leave. So the stress comes from fear of all the hell all over again, but I know drink makes it worse cos of being tired etc. But hard to de stress and cut off from it all, although I am trying really hard lately to drink slow or not at all, not drink like I'm necking a full glass size alcohol shot x

    • Sober_As
      Sober_As RHGB

      Posted

      Well, RHGB,  I would like you to share "your way", out of it !

      How the heck do you beat it ?

      I know that you take Campral,  I did, in past attempts... no joy... story of !

      I know all of the all of it... so....... Why, oh why, can't I stop drinking alcohol?

      That really is the "bottom line".

      I actually hate the stuff... but I know that it is controlling me.

      I am sorry to come across as a "Sad Case", the truth hurts.

      I hope you are ok, after your Medical Procedure... 

      Alonangel ??

  • patricia44773
    patricia44773 alexandra00711

    Posted

    Thank you for sharing your story, Alexandra.  You obviously know that what you are doing is wrong, you sound to be a bright, intelligent person, so you don't really need to be told about why you should change.  I am glad you are going to try the Naltrexone and I hope it works for you...but you have to be committed and strong.

    Please keep posting and letting us know how you go on.

    I identify with you because I too was anorexic and I think we have that type of personality which lends itself to other forms of habitual behaviour, including AUD.

    I look forward to hearing your progress,

    Pat. xxx

    • emma84640
      emma84640 patricia44773

      Posted

      I went through a stage of anorexia twice in my life, now I'm the opposite and have no self control with food. Alcohol just adds to the calorie intake and lessens my already low level of control. I def have an all or nothing addictive personality but when I tried smoking no buzz came, with food and drink it's the best feeling ever ??

    • alexandra00711
      alexandra00711 patricia44773

      Posted

      Thanks for your support Pat.  I am going to give it my very best because I've got so much riding on the need to change.  I posted that because I want to always remember how normal I feel doing this to myself when it's so incredibly wrong.  Hopefully one day I'll look back and shake my head at what I'm like now.  I have such a self destruct side to my personality and I don't know why.  Will keep you posted xx

  • emma84640
    emma84640 alexandra00711

    Posted

    I can so relate to what your experiencing ?? I wake up in morn feeling exhausted cos of the heavy night before, leave early for work and am so stressed and even more tired after work I drink even on my way home either a quick couple of wines in the pub or small bottle of wine on the bus. I then buy a further bottle or two on the way home. I get home, let my beloved dogs out and then neck the wine and pass out, me not letting the dogs out for the toilet and not spending time with them when they have been alone a lot if the day ?? I do this pretty much every night. I seem to manage to pull it off going to work but it's a damn struggle.

    I only started this job the past couple months ago and I was so dreading my first day I drank truck loads the night before and was crying in the morning I didn't want to go and drank brandy and had to get a taxi. It was a miracle I got away with it,

    Ever since I was young I have not been able to drink like normal people, drink to the point I pass out and have put my poor pups in danger as a result ?? I hate myself for what I have become and that I can't seem to take control of myself. I know I'm killing myself slowly but surely, I know I'm treating my little dogs bad whom I adore, I just then feel so crap I drink to blot the despair out and off I go again ??

    I part wish alcohol wasn't so damn easy to get. I mean I have quite a few off licences at the bottom of my road. I drink one bottle and drunkenly go off and get more. I don't stand a chance x

    • alexandra00711
      alexandra00711 emma84640

      Posted

      We have to support each other and try to stop this cycle.  

      I understand about necking the wine and then loosing all resolve to look after your dogs.

      If I didn't drink I'd get so much more done!

      We've got to fight it.

      Have you tried Silencro or Naltrexone?

      There is hope. xx

    • emma84640
      emma84640 alexandra00711

      Posted

      Hi

      So sorry for late response. Didn't see your message.

      I've tried nalmefene and it made me horrifically I'll to start with and then moderately spaced out and sick feeling all time after that, first week or two hardly any drinking. It crept back again. Not two bottles wine uber fast but say just over a bottle. I wanted to be like friends and be able to enjoy couple glasses and then be happy with that.

      Hehe yes tell me about it. The odd occasion I don't drink I feel so pleased with myself and get so much done.

      This disease/habit is a joke ??

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