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I'm worried about my units

Posted , 11 users are following.

alexandra00711
alexandra00711

I try not to think about units.  A few decades back I was Anorexic and for years I've refused to weigh myself (given that I've had 3 beautiful healthy children and put on a couple of stone it's not critical) 

But I go cold when people talk about their unit consumption.

I currently drink every day and I'm waiting for Naltrexone  (on order) to help me out of the cycle.

But on non driving days I can happily soak 30 units a day whilst still functioning and people not really noticing.

To be honest I get away with 20 anyway.

I am a successful affluent 39 year old who works from home.

Today for example I went to the hairdresser for my 10am appointment and as I knew I'd be there for at least 3 hours (trying to defeat the greys) I took a small flask of 80% gin and 20% lemonade.  Managed to drink the lot before the appointment.  After the appointment I waited for my friend who was going to drive me home and bought a small bottle of Jacobs Creek.  I checked the first bottle of my favourite brand sauvignon but after seeing a disappointing 11% I opted for the 13.5 % chardonnay.  I went to the nearest public loos to decanter it into one of my childrens (past) water bottles whilst standing in my very nicest shoes in a puddle of p i s s because I was in too much of a hurry to get to a nicer cubicle.  I actually can't believe I'm writing this and that this is actually true and me.

I came home and altough I've cooked dinner and been ok and everyone loves me etc I've pretty much drunk loads and loads.  Had a conk out before the kids were dropped home by a pre arranged friend date.

I'm going to probably have several more glasses and possibly a large G&T before bed and my biggest hope is that I stay awake long enough to sleep the whole night, because if I conk out before 11pm I coud wake up mid night with a raging hangover.  Otherwise I can sleep till 6am and be fully funcional.

GOT TO GET A GRIP!!!  Thanks for listening xx

0 likes, 46 replies

46 Replies

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  • Robin2015
    Robin2015 alexandra00711

    Posted

    Hi Alexandra. You re brutally honest and this has to stop. Your life and health WILL be affected. Take the medication and look yourself in the mirror and think: will my children and loved ones see me live a long and healthy life??THAT is what me stop...best of luck..Robin
    • alexandra00711
      alexandra00711 Robin2015

      Posted

      Yes, thank you.  You're totally right.  I need people to say things like this to me, it'll make me stronger.  I've got to fight it because I really have so much to live for and I'm being ridiculous.  I feel much better and stronger already.  I've got to face up to what I'm doing xx

  • liz31181
    liz31181 alexandra00711

    Posted

    Hi Alexandra. My heart goes out to you. People say if you really wanted to stop drinking you would do it But the horrible truth is that once you let it take hold of you it becomes an addiction. (Not so easy then)!! I wish I could say sometjing to give you the inspiration to help you but unfortunately I think the only person that can help you is yourself. I myself drink every night. Between 1&1/2 to 2 bottles of wine. I have been trying to convince myself for tge past few years that yhere are many more like me out there & trying to condone what I am doing. But reality is it isn't right or normal to be drinking such a large amount. I came to this site a few days ago & I am overwhelmed with the amount of support people give here is heart warming. Most are not there to judge just to let you know your not alone & we are all here for each other. Thinking of you Alexandra. X x x please keep me posted how you are getting on xxx ??

    • alexandra00711
      alexandra00711 liz31181

      Posted

      Thanks so much Liz and your kind words are inspiring.  I used to be a one bottle a night (sometimes a little more) drinker and many of my friends' are, but insidiously I started have a large gin as well and I liked the hit and very slowly it became more and more.  It takes a rather sinister turn at this point.  My body could probably cope with a bottle of wine a night for much longer than this new gin addiction I have.  There are many types of alcoholics (I've got several in my family) and whatever you do try not to progress to the spirits; it's a very slippery slope and much worse than where you are.  Sending love and thanks xx

    • liz31181
      liz31181 alexandra00711

      Posted

      Thanks so much for your advice Alexandra. Just goes to show what a thoughtfull person you are while going through your own trouble you still have the time to think of others like myself and give them advice. I really hope you get the help you need & I wish I could wave a wand and say that we are all going to be ok but unfortunately that's not gonna happen ?? I wish you so much love and support and please kno you can pm me anytime . ( i am in my early 30s with kids also ) so i feel we have a little in common ??x

  • vickylou
    vickylou alexandra00711

    Posted

    Alexandra

    I believe you genuinely want to address your problem with alcohol. The fact that you held nothing back by admitting you've drunk in public toilets and are so honest speaks volumes.

    Dont be fooled into thinking no-one notices, they will, they just won't say anything to your face. I know that from personal experience. You're not alone in decanting drink to disguise it. My favourite was pouring vodka ( yes in public toilets, and shop changing rooms) into an empty water bottle to keep in my handbag. It provides a perfect cover up! What better way to disguise drinking when and where you want.

    At the moment, it sounds like you're a functioning drinker. Don't be fooled however into thinking you can keep up the pretence. Sooner or later, you won't be bothered about hair appointments, that's if you can even remember to go.  If you're lucky, you might run a brush through it.  You probably won't bother to have a shower for days on end, it's easier to stay in bed with a bottle next to you or under the pillow. You won't be cooking dinner and by the time your kids come home, you won't realise as you'll probably be comatose in a chair.

    Sorry to be so blunt, but I'm just being honest as I've been there, done it and got the t.shirt.

    However, you've done the hardest bit, admitting it and asking for help. Personally, I would start with telling my GP and asking for a liver function test. As you know alcohol services probably won't do much, it will be down to you. I hope once you start with the naltrexone, you can cut down and reduce the amount you're drinking. Others will advise you with that as I've never had it.

    I can recommend campral which helps with cravings if you want to stop drinking completely. RHGB is the best person to advise you with that.

    You can beat this, become a controlled drinker or even not want to drink again.

    Again, I'm sorry to sound hard and not sympathetic. I only wish someone had been blunt with me, instead of taking the easier route of not saying anything. You're only 39 and have children. Don't waste years in this mess, to use your own words GET A GRIP.

    Good luck, keep posting here and you'll get loads of support and advice, stay in touch and ask for help and support.

    You know yourself that you cannot continue drinking at this level, sooner rather than later it will affect, if not already your health.

    • alexandra00711
      alexandra00711 vickylou

      Posted

      Dear Vickylou,

      Words like yours are exactly what I was reaching out to hear.

      In a way I'm shocked about what you say happens when you start going down that road and half of me thought, 'no way! That would never happen to me', but then the other side said 'Alex, look at what you've written, anything is possible, look at the state you've got yourself in so far, how far do you want to go?'  I would never have thought years ago that I would feel perfectly normal drinking spirits first thing in the morning and standing in p i s s puddles to get a drink!

      In writing this down and reaching out to you guys i'm trying to face up to what I'm doing.  It doesn't actually feel real and I've got all the excuses in the world as to why, but of course that just facillitates the drinking and rationalises it, which i must not do.

      I'll keep you posted but I really am determined that this behaviour has to stop before I really mess myself and my family up xx

    • vickylou
      vickylou alexandra00711

      Posted

      Alexander

      I am so pleased you weren't offended by my post. I originally wrote a bit of a soft touch reply, then I thought back to when I was where you are now. How I wish someone would have been blunt, but honest with me. Instead I wasted several years of my life through the bottom of a bottle. My 3 children (now adults) can all remember coming home from school to find me drunk, or wondering if I'd been drinking and hoping that I was sober.

      You're obviously an intelligent person whose been honest and brave enough to admit not just to yourself, but openly too, that you've got a problem.

      keep posting and let us know how you're getting on. You will get loads of support here

  • em95586
    em95586 alexandra00711

    Posted

    Hi Alexandra, I really hope that the naltroxone works for you.  I am on nalmefene and it genuinely seems to be helping (my weekly units are down by at least a third and sometimes more).  I was just concerned about your driving comments.  I had to do a course after a DD conviction and there they advised that you start to process (and get rid of) alcohol units 1 hour after you start to drinking and that your body can only get rid of 1 an hour.  If you are in the UK most women would fail a breathaliser after a medium/large glass of wine (so 2 to 3 units).  So please bear this in mind before you get behind the wheel, that in itself might help you cut down I know it used to help me (before the nalmefene).  I wish you the very best of luck with you journey. x
    • alexandra00711
      alexandra00711 em95586

      Posted

      Dear Em,

      I'm so glad the nalmefene is working for you, I'll let you know how I get on with naltexone.  Yes you're right to be concerned about driving.  I actually have a really super dooper brethaliser that I double check myself with if I get worried the next morning.  I couldn't bear to have a DD problem because it would so affect my family.  Thank you for your insightful words and lets hope I get enough conrtol for this not to dominate my weekday anymore xx

    • em95586
      em95586 alexandra00711

      Posted

      So glad you came back to me and I must tell you that I dont think I have ever been so ashamed in my life (and I have had an AUD since I was 15) as when I had to go to court (my children were 2 & 5 at the time it was awful!) but thankfully I never hurt anyone.  However, I still wasn't able to control my drinking I would just push my units up to the max (so I could still drive the next day) or   push out the time I had to drive (ie I'll there at 5 not 3!!!).  The nelmefene has not only downed my units its curbed the crave, its taken about a year (I only drank weekends just couldn't stop once I started) but also even when I drink too much its not at silly O'clock its with everyone else at the end of the night and its 18 units not 24.  I really do wish you luck and know you can do it, hope you have no side effects at all too :-)

       

    • alexandra00711
      alexandra00711 em95586

      Posted

      Ooooh.  I have tried Nalmefane (well it was Silencro but I think it's the same) and I recacted so badly i cant tell you.  I was perscribed it nearly 2 years ago and I've attempted it (sometimes lasting 3 days) for that amount of time but its like being on a bad acid trip for me.  I just can't stand it.  So I've got everything crossed that The Sinclair Method will work xx

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 em95586

      Posted

      Dear Em. Quite a story and it does seem that you are much more in control and also very honest. A good sign and I wish you best of luck. Robin
  • Sober_As
    Sober_As alexandra00711

    Posted

    Hello Alexandra,

    I have wept, reading your plight. Some tears for you, others for myself.  Please act on the resolve you are feeling, now.  I had my problem with drink from younger than you are now.  I am 60... and still battling away with it.

    At the moment, alcohol is ruling your life.  Think that through.  You are an intelligent woman.  You are aware now, of the level of damage being done.  Only you, can turn this around.  Fight it, beat it.  Live your real life.  Love your children with your sober self.  They need their "normal" mother.

    I wish you great strength, hope and success.

    Love and Blessings to you,

    Alonangel ??

    • vickylou
      vickylou Sober_As

      Posted

      Angel

      i agree with you completely, so many wasted years ruined by me and alcohol.

      Alexander, I'm 58 and Angel 60, please don't make the same mistake we did. You can stop this now before it escalates. It won't be easy, but it will be better than allowing alcohol to take over your life.

      ?Have a read of my discussion ALL MY OWN FAULT which shows the effect alcohol has over not just the drinker, but the family as a whole, and the repercussions of AUD

    • Sober_As
      Sober_As vickylou

      Posted

      Hi Vickylou,

      I hope you are ok.  Regret weighs heavily on us.  

      I am trying my best with the Nalmefene/Selincro, just now.  One bottle of wine per day.  I rarely manage less than that.  Sick of it all... as usual.

      Love and Blessings,

      Angel. XX

    • Sober_As
      Sober_As alexandra00711

      Posted

      You need all the love and encouragement possible.  I wish there had been a Forum, like this, when I was your age.  People, like me, can help people like you.  I have made a bit of an elbow of it... but, I am still here... perhaps as a warning to others...!!!

      I hope you are feeling good about the info. etc.

      You Go For It, Girl.

      I just know that you are GOOD !

      Alonangel 🎇

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