I need help, becoming suicidal

Hi! I want to tell you what Im going through and how it affect my life in hope I will finaly get some even a little help. I have really bad guilt and fear thoughts for past two years or more and cant focus or concentrate on anything... even when Im in some very special and important moment, those, they say "irrational" thoughts, go my way.. I can be very depressed and feel like everyone dont like me because Im "evil" and become so paranoid... but there are moments when Im so hyperactive and in perfect mood and even cant stop but talking... and feeling like best person in world.. i cant say im very happy then - because I dont think i will ever be and never get rid of guilty thinking but soo much better. And when I feel guilty thoughts I become thinking Im evil and worthless and even sometimes that I need to die.. i tried to kill myself once. I call it "Guilt moments" because it starts out if nowhere! Like obsessions that change whole me. I become different person. Everybody says that Im very strange because of my "mood swings" and "from high self confidence and hyperactivity i become depressed and paranoid" and I cry like every day... I just cant get rid of guilt for something i havent done! Like my brain dont recognize it.. I went to psychiatrust two or three times and he took me on Zoloft.. but I stopped coming so he hadnt heard my true thinking and feelings... I decided to stop because I felt in one moment after taking me on medication, I finally get rid of guilt.. but I hadnt.. I even started becoming worst. When I do things that relax me I feel extremly strange and guilty.. I have never relax or feel happy. I just cant understand myself anymore. I dont know whats wrong and who am I. Am I on wrong medication? I need good advice, please help me. Thank you!

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