I need serious help

I take paroxatine have been 3 years at first I thought I was OK

but supported housing said I wasn't I smoked weed a lot I

was apparently obsessive badly depressed and anxious with

slight ocd and suicidal a lot

I felt I was taking it to please others but not for me ...I couldn't

take more than 10mg it would annialate me so I took one

everyday and soon didn't want to not take it the effects were

Anything could happen and it would not effect me ..death

anything I was numb to it all I watched a man nearly die in front

of me 4 times while challenging 9 massive life changing

moments

Also I had a very disabled partner who had learning difficulties

This drug has f.Ed my life I do nothing except sit on a sofa

I am scared of everything I don't know danger I have constant

suicide thoughts plans actions but I also changed my life the more

I took it I am now paying all bills I have a new flat I left the girl she

Was way to crazy for me the weed was hard to stop but I'm doing

That too after smoking it 28 years non stop

I physically vibrate it's very weird I think I'm having heart attacks

I dream mad very realistic dreams and don't sleep well

I could watch a person die and not feel emotion to it that

I don't like I seem to want to delete people out my life over the

slightest argument

I don't think it works now but it does help I need to get off my sofa

But I can never give myself a good reason why

I tried changing and stopping but if I do I automatically go back to

A very scary night I wanted to die it won't go away

I'm very focused on problem solving but I fixed and stopped every

Part of my life which was a problem but now I'm boring and do

Nothing

What's bugging me is people still say I'm nuts and hard work

It makes me roll my eyes back a lot I dunno why I took extacy in the

Past I feel it's very similar with out the euphoric feeling

I hate the NHS they jgnore me and never want to let me talk I been

Doctors about 800 times in a year and called 111 on every anxietype

Attack I need to go back to work but even painting a wall becomes

Very challenging

I'm losing all my friends and just want to be alone I'm not afraid

To die I'm kind of used to death now bit weird I know

I think the drug is having the reverse affect now

Advice please

If you would like feel free to share your symptoms. We are all in the same boat but maybe we can sort through some of this together. Some of the symptoms are really out there and intense. I dont know how or why but many doctors dont seem to take it seriosuly or really understand it at the levels many of us have experienced it. A fix is greatly needed in the world. 

I do get how you are feeling. I cant speak for anyone else but i do have times i feel like that myself. I wouldnt even say its depression. Its symptoms or ailments and anxiety all at once and its like enough already. But then they dissapate and pass by and you get to a place where you do feel well and love life. And its not that you want to die but you want relief, a cure so you can live your life without some intense symptoms or your body fearing whatever is going on.

someone on here has a great idea detox your body. I have done that in the past, not really by choice just lost my appetite from all this, but i did do,it and drink alot,ofmfresh water during it..i think it gives the body a break. We eat stuff, breathe stuff that are filled with chemicals and additives and who knows maybe we are all really sensitive to some of it. 

I will say a holistic therapist is a great addition and help with all this. That or a very compassionate therapist. 

 

I need help I'm scared of everything that surrounds cancer and health and dying idk what to do I just tried killing myself two days ago but couldn't do it because I might wake back up on can't handle this anymore I want to end it all no one has gotten me any help I really just want to be done with everything