I need some advice - PLEASE

Thank you so much!  Amen on the magic button!  I never realized the hold it has on a person.  It makes one feel weak!

I failed but at it again and doing better.  I woke up drenched in sweat the other night and thought maybe I was tapering too fast so I slowed a bit.  Yesterday probably 3 ounces and today so far one and I measure it.  I don't want to be this way anymore.  I hate the fog it leaves in my mind.  I know I'm not concentrating at my job and feel slow at catching on to things.

I've been watching "Intervention" on TV and it's scary too!  They mentioned something I ended up looking up online.  I guess I didn't realize I was killing white matter in my brain slowly.

Please try to stop!  It's not dying for.  Watching that girl on TV made me hurt so much and even more determined!  THANK YOU! Sadie!

Hi Gretchen.  I know what you mean about  tapering too quickly.

When I started it I dropped down in one go from 2 bottles of wine to 1 so I dropped 10 units in one go and after a couple of days I could  not find my way home from a nutritionist I had visited - she only  lives 10 mins from me and I have lived here for 40 years. It was ridiculous, I just kept turning down the wrong road.  That is a first ever for me and it must be brain and alcohol connected.  I upped it by 2 or 3 units then came down one or two at a time each day.  That was so much better until I got to my diddy bottle of wine which is 2 units.  Then clarity starting kicking in  and I stopped getting the AA's in the early morning (alcohol anxiety) due to me being so angry that I had been drinking too much.  It is such a nice feeling that you have not overdone it - and I want more of it.  Keep going, at least we are not giving in and saying sod it.  We just keep going - respect to you for doing it (and all of you guys struggling) x

Gwen, I know what you mean about being mad at yourself.  It seems so stupid to be so weak.  I get upset with myself all the time.  I think I have been so strong with other things and now this.....UGH!

Thank you so much for telling me.  It can be scary too!  That seems so odd that you couldn't get home.  Things that seem so simple become hard.  I have hated the foggy mind!  I'm not giving up.  I have not stop this forever!

Missy, thank you so much for your time and a little bit of your story!  I quit before for 40 days which is nothing compared to your 8 years.  In my studip mind I thought maybe I'm fine so I'll try to have some.  Well, that was the first mistake!    So I know now that I can't have any!

I have screwed up the first taper I type about but have been doing it again.  I woke up drenched in sweat a few nights ago so I thought maybe I was doing it too quick.  I have done very well this weekend.  I think by Tuesday I should be done with all of it.

I have been to some AA but not for awhile.  I have been praying alot about it.  I know the Lord can deliver one from anything.  Interesting enough I sit down in front of the TV yesterday and a preacher was talking about a drinker.  It was good to hear.

I am determined this time.  I know what you mean about feeling clean and having a clear mind.  I want my life back!

I'm thankful that you have been doing well!  If one had any idea what they were getting themselves into, they would never take that first drink.  I know I don't want a man in my life that drinks but here I am.

THANK YOU!  I won't stop trying.  I appreciate you message so much!

Missy, also glad you are in counseling if that's what you need!  I feel I've got myself in this mess partly due to lonliness although I know I'm blessed!

As honest as always Misssy.  Like you say, never stop trying xx

In AA they say "I CANT - WE CAN".

I have isolated myself from the "we" and I can see as you say how lonliness has a role in where I am today...occassionally going off the deep end.

I want it to end as well...but it appears I have to take the action and that means in addition to going to counseling...going back to AA and getting around people that geniuely care...which then gives me something to strive for - sobriety for THEM....which ultimately helps me and leads me to wanting sobriety for ME.

AA doesn't work for all..but works for many. I know I wouldn't have gotten 8 years if I did not attend AA.

Hi gwen...nice to see you still around 

Oh yes hun - still around - and still fighting every day - damn this bitch called Alcohol - she needs to just jog on.  Keep strong my bud x

you can do it girls!! I refer to Gwen and Missy of course..chase her away...Robin

Thank you Robin...the thing with me is I can do it...and then I can't.....usually for a month I'm good and then something happens with the build up of stress and drama that I can't handle and I drink.

As my Dr. says a person with Bipolar 1...has much trouble coping and it is normal for me to want to medicate myself in tough times. I've had my share of tough times over the last 3 years...and most recently bill collectors are after me and wanting to put liens on my house....I'm losing everything and it has nothing to do with alcohol...it started before I started drinking....

These are "excuses" for drinking...but in my case and my emotional state..I am not usually able to think it through and just want immediate relief from whatever is happening that day.

The last time I drank last week was after seeing my son after not speaking for over a year and there was a big crying session and yellling session and because it didn't turn out my way and I was shaking when I left him....I went to the store for alcohol.

Hi Missy2 they are not excuses for drinking hon, from what you arr saying you have got an awful lot going on in your life. It would seem to me that you are one of many with AUD alcohol use disorder, you have used alcohol as a prop and tried to anesthetize yourself with it.

Alcohol is a swine tho, it's seems like best friend and then turns round and stabs you in the back.

At least you are on this site. My other half hopes to use The Sinclair Method have you looked at that as an option. Remember, you are not weak x thinking of you x

Aww mate, your problems are never ending.  So sorry to read this

That is exactly how I would react - if I feel good, I want to celebrate with a drink and if I get an ache anywhere I just think where is the wine.  My old man (hubs) has many aches and a painful permanent back problem and sometimes when he gets up in the morning, he just sits on the side of the bed and says if I were not there, he would cry because of the constant hurting he has.  It wears him down badly and he still runs his own business and often works 7 days a week - BUT does he turn for a beer to drown it out - well yes he does but only one or two.  He always says after that first beer and leaning against a radiator for heat that he feels so much better.  Now that for me is a green light to carry on feeling better - but not him - weird and annoying at the same time.  I WANT TO BE LIKE THAT!!!!  Who dealt this sodding card to us?

All we all can do hun is when we cock up - we start again - at least those times of coming back down to earth are giving our body some sort of chance to recouperate.  Keep on truckin bud xxxxx

p.s.  But you still help all of us out - massive respect to you.

Great reply JulieAnne 😊

Hi Nat. Hope you are ok. We are alright. Just jogging along with life at the mo xx

Hi JulieAnne yep I.m all good..thankyou Glad to know your jogging along there .Is hubby still taking Campral and getting on ok with that and work etc. How is he feeling ?

I really hope everything works out for you both and he is able progress to Nalmefene or Naltrexone ..This flippin AUD is a nightmare

I must read this book Beyond Addiction .We have quite a lot of addiction in.my family and a couple of family members advocate AA and it works well for them.It was never for me though but I wouldnt knock it.I find this forum so so much more helpful as it really does feel like we are all in a mixing pot together 😅xx

Hi Nat. Yes hubby still taking Campral. I wish he would talk to me a bit more about what he is feeling. So not sure if it's Campral working or him that's managing to stay sober. He has always been the same, very secretive about his drinking, I never know until it's too late-another massive binge.

This is one of the reasons I got Beyond Addiction, it's a new way of looking at people who have issues with substance use. It can be any substance including alcohol. I saw it on Claudia Christian's fb page. I thought it looked interesting as in the preface the Author suggests families should treat sufferers with kindness and positvity.

My next goal is to get him to look at the book and do the exercises with me. That is going to take major commitment from him, as he does not like to talk about his drinking when he has recently detoxed. He needs to talk to me tho so we can get TSM to work for him too. He is still interested in trying it.

I think the book is excellent, although its aimed at the American market it still has value for the UK

So there we are Nat you did ask 😁. If you have got any suggestions which might help him open up, I would be grateful x glad u r ok x

Hi JulieAnne ...I expect it's both the Campral and him ..It's so difficult for many with AUD to open up up ..I am absolutely sure by your posts it's within him at the moment that he just can't open up.. I know if any family members tried to get me to talk when I stopped drinking in the past I'd be defensive and would shut down..I suppose I was still in denial. I did though find any positive comments helped and speaking to people one to one who had been 'there' was also quite a comfort However there were always certain people who made me feel judged..All part of the disorder methinks .Addiction unfortunately takes away the ability to communicate honestly but that does improve with recovery ...Having said that I now live on my own as kids have all flown the nest in recent years so no one really knew too much about my more recent drinking (only the recycling man lol ) .although my bestie has recently questioned me , we met in recovery together many years ago ! Strange as she hasn't drank alcohol for a long time but I still couldnt talk to her these days mainly because I know she would snub meds and want to go to A A with me. I cant do AA.

For many of those reasons that's why I joined this forum. . ..It feels safe to talk here as we are all here for the same reason..Would hubby in time think of joining us here, as you know it could help a lot !

...Wish him the very best JulieAnne , he sounds like he is doing so well and tell him it can only get better ... Just keep going you are doing all you can and more to help and support him and hopefully in time some of it will come from him ?x

Hi JulieAnne...no I have my reasons for not trying the Sinclair method which I don't post them too much because I don't want to discourage anyone else from trying this method...

But, I will share with you why. I used a drug to curb and quit my smoking....Chantix...its job was to be similar as the job with the Naltraxone in the Sinclair Method.  The pill  was supposed to help me smoke less.  And how the pill works is it makes cigs taste like crap and so the smoker usually doesn't want to smoke.  All this did to me was have me chase MORE cigs to get the same taste/effect and Chantix did not work for me...for that reason.

Since I feel the Sinclair method is going to not give me the same buzz I crave when I reach for the alcohol...I am not going to waste my time taking it because I know if I am not feeling the way I want when I drink because of a pill....I will not take the pill.

This method works WELL for most of the people on this site that try it.

For me it is ALL or NOTHING. And I need to stick with no alcohol if possible as it is the best thing for ME.

Yes, gwen...life carries never ending problems for everyone.

The thing is thou...when I drink my problems get worse.

My son was rushed to the ER Wed night with seizures. He has never had a seizure...he is 27...they are now searching for the cause and he has been hospitalized for 2 days.

I thank GOD I was not drinking Wed night because if I was I would not have been able to run to the hospital and be the "present" alert Mom that I was.

They stilll can not find the cause of his seizures and as of yesterday he continues to have them. So it is 530am here and I am up and ready to go to the hospital and sit by his side. I was able to do that yesterday as well....Alcohol would have stole that from me had I been drinking.

I don't know why we were dealt this sodding card! But, I want to cut it up, stomp on it and run away. I want you to do the same for your health and happiness.

Hi Missy2 Absolutely you must stick with what works for you. I completely understand your reluctance in taking Nalt/Nalf if its the buzz you will miss more than the taste hon x

My hubby has to decide what is right for him too. As it is the taste of a nice beer that he misses and not being able to drink socially, I thought Nalt/Nalf might be suitable. In the end tho it is his decision, not mine; he may decide as time goes on that abstinence will be best for him. We both agree that at the moment AA is not working for him, even after 2 years of sobriety from 2012-2014 he cannot seem to get back those feelings of serenity x hoping everyone is ok on here as always

Kind Regards

JulieAnne

Sorry your son ended up in ER, hope he gets well soon xx

Thank you for that Nat. Yes this site is helping me so much. I can see his actions and the way he has dealt with alcohol is reflected in so many peoples journeys on here. I know that feels he is letting himself down at AA because a lot of them have been sober for 20 years plus. I just dont believe that kind of atmosphere is good for him. I have tried to tell him that this site has genuine people struggling just like him. I dunno I can't force him.

I had hoped that now I have calmed down, and don't explode when he has a slip up he would be able to talk to me but he knows how to distract me from what I want to know. Too clever for his own good, literally annoyingly 😠

On the positive side, he no longer drinks vodka and does not disappear for hours on end, but it is still a pity that I have to smell out the drink and continually play detective which does drive me insane 😳 thanks for listening again

PS we dont have a recycling man thank god we take our stuff to designated bins. I am sure he would have had a broken back by now 😁 by the way if you don't mind me asking, are you posting from the states? x

My thoughts are with you and your son Missy lots of love xx

Oh goodness no JulieAnne I.m in the UK (cornwall) 😎😃...only some of my bottles used to go with the fortnightly recycling collection and the rest I would take down the recycling place myself..It's good this last few weeks there has only been really 4 wine bottles a fortnight ...what a difference ! I feel so proud when I put it out lol Its great that this site can support people like yourself who have suffered

so much too...Distraction too is the deviousness of AUD ..Let's hope as time goes on and hubby feels better in himself things will improve in.that way , he is probably so scared of messing up again too. I so sincerely this works for you both ..It feels like we all share a journey..I never believed in all my binging years I could get so much from you lovely people on a site such as this x 😊

O M G Misssy - that is awful - I don't do praying but I do talk to my angels and will ask for distant help right now.  Thank goodness, as you say, you were sober.  There is obviously some reason for the seizures - come on Mum, stay strong lovely.

My German Shep has them and one was a biggie and lasted much longer than it should and I was on my own and, luckily, a sober night and I was able to do what was necessary and bring her back round.

Friday 4pm here - how is your boy doing ?

Much love to you honey xx

Agreed Nat - your last line of your post.

Hey, I thought I was the only one to put only some bottles in the bin and take the others to re-cycle - not for being a good citizen as we have 4 different bins - but as my secret empty stash.  Hating myself for chucking them in covertly but glad when I heard the "clunk" so he could not find my evidence.  Just awful and horrid secret rubbish.

So glad for you buddy - you are all lovely peeps here x

Hi Gwen disposing of cans and bottles has been quite difficult in the past especially when I was with my ex hubby as he used to hunt them out. I went into a panic  one night when I was drunk and threw a huge carrier bag full of empty special brew cans over the fence . Guess what happened a few days later, yep you got it , we had a few days of really high winds and the fence blew down exposing my evidence !!omg shock horror  there was uproar in the house  but fortunately after a bit of bellowing at me  he saw a funny side to it and the neighbours never knew. I wasn't long after that that I went into detox.

Thank god over more recent years have only hidden them from the re cycling man lol. I'd feel mortified if I did something like that again. Anyway not so many bottles for you and me lately is there girl with you tapering back with  your little bottles and me taking my one little pill. I feel quite proud when i see my 'normal'bottles in the bin as I am sure you do too.  Happy Days  xx

Haha Nat. Sheer bad luck the fence came down 😂 I guess I am like your ex in that way, as I do hunt for empties. It is like a silly Merry-Go-Round that I can't seem to hop off! lol xx

I love Cornwall by the way x been there a few times, guess I must be a Grockel? x

Thinking of everyone on here as usual especially you and your son Missy2 x

He should absolutely try it.

That is why I don't talk specifically about why I don't like it.

Because I do post I relapse alot and I do suggest people use Sinclair...but I NEVER HAVE...lol.

I hope your husband finds peace.

Just as I want peace...However, it can be obtained.

 

my son is doing well now.

Thank you.

The original direction was he wouldn't be able to drive for 6 months, he would not be able to work his machine job...and he would not be able to go back to his apartment because he was combative after his seizure (which he does not remember).

Drs are allowing him to drive, work is allowing him to come back but want him to take off at least a week...they are understanding so..he's alive..and pieces fell together...except...one big problem..but its not for this forum and its doable.

Thanks for asking.

Thank you Nat666...very kind of you.

Drinking is just not an option for me....he finds out...and I will lose him.

I have already lost 1 son...due to drinking and other personal issues.

Sorry to hear that Missy2 my heart goes out to you x

❤❤❤❤ xx

In Cornwall they call us Emmets, me too as I wasn't born and bred  here either... Hope everythink ticking along ok with you  x

Emmets? Hmmn never heard of that one. Hope it's nothing too derogatory 😊

We are jogging along. It's a strange situation I don't want to keep asking him if Campral is working, in case that is counterproductive-could make him think about alcohol. Then there is me, like a cat on a hot tin roof, worry worry worry. Trying to stay calm and be positive, knowing that February is not a very good month for him. It's tough going. Just want to say the right thing, do the right thing 😶

How is your anxiety issue? Any sign of it calming down?

Hope everyone is ok on here xx

Not a very nice name but people seem to take it lightly ....more to worry about than that lol ?

You must be right on edge heading towards Feb, but let's hope this year may be different.My ex was bi polar and I used to be so on edge at his danger times when I knew a manic episode was likely to kick off. which was bad enough but he would drink heavily too at that time making everything so much worse ... It drove me to bloomin drink more than ever so what a mess ! ! It's a dreadful feeling..so I really feel your worry

I'm pretty much ok ,it's only alcohol wearing off that makes me feel edgy and it seems as I.m having a drink infrequently now and so much less it's becoming a minor issues...I have had 2 small glasses tonight so I'll know during the night if I wake up in a sweat that it's still the alcohol ... Hopefully not !

Hard as it is try and keep calm hunny , you are doing a grand job there and the best you can for hubby but most importantly don't forget about YOU 💜 x

Thank you for that Nat, you clearly know how I feel. Bi polar must have been very tough to deal with in the home. I do work with people that poor capacity and behavioral issues, but I can leave all that at work, I dont live with it.

He is working hard. He knows that there is not as much help out there as there used to be. The fact that he is now trying Campral tells me that he has changed. He used to refuse to take any meds whatsoever. Maybe because I am chipping away, some of it has got thru? We live in hope 😌

Thanks for all your support once again

Roll on the end of Feb

Hoping your anxiety becomes more manageable x