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Hey I'm 21 going on 22.
I started self harming and having anxiety when I was a child I am still unsure why but I was very mixed up and confused at that age.
The self harming got really bad when I was a teenager. I didn't go into school.
Theripists just said I can't handle stress there was nothing mentally wrong with me which I do disagree with as I am still struggling today but I am learning to cope a bit better.
I stopped last year when I got into my new relationship as he told me he would be very upset if I did it again so I stopped.
As a child I grew up chubby and then as a teen I was very overweight.
One day I managed to loose about 50lbs and I did see the difference but still had a belly. When i got in my relationship I gained about 20lbs which has really upset me and I am now struggling to loose it. I hate my belly and the way I look I sometimes don't want to leave the house I bought a thing on groupon for laser liposiys (dunno if its spelt right) and I told my manager at work and she went "Oh you should'nt be doing that your going to give yourself mental problems when ur older" I just felt like saying "Already there!!" I don't think I'm depressed though I honestly don't know but I'm just feeling so drained over nothing. I get up about half 5 every morning in tears dreading to get out my bed to work.
Tonight I was helping out my mum at her tap dancing class and I was helping a woman with a routine and she wanted to record me so she could practise at home and when she was showing me it my belly was HUGE! i looked pregnant and instantly put me on a downer I messured my belly and it is too big to be considered healthy even though my BMI is apprently healthy. I know its really bad to be upset over and hurt your self over but I genually see myself as big as I was when I was 30lbs heavier I no longer see the slim body I acheived when I lost weight I just had to do it tonight but I did it in a way it looked like my cat's scratched me (the old excuse in the book) I am dreading work tomorrow I have so many aches and pains that a 21 year old shouldn't have I feel so guilty too coz I do know people have real problems and mine are just petty and attention seeking but I can't help it it's ruining my life I just wish I could accept the way I am but I can't it's not good enough and I never will be.
Any advice on what to do?
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