I relapsed with my self harming. :(

Hey Im sorry that ur feeling this way too it is horrible I wish I could just accept myself or at least have the energy to do something about it but its good thats ur going back to the gym and get some help Im going to try find time to do that too but work always gets in the way lol huggles! x

Yeah I always get told to just accept myself for people don't understand that it really isn't that easy.

I sympathise and know exactly how you feel, I don't think I will ever recover from being made to feel so low but maybe control it some day.

Are you unhappy with how you look because of how you think people will judge or treat you differently or just that you are completely unhappy with your figure?

It's always good to talk to people who are going through the same as what you are there is none of this "oh pull yourself together, get over it" I cannot stand people like that because it does not help or solve the problem it just takes time and patients to over come this sort of thing and I know you will over come it and I know I will too.

I honestly don't know I go through periods of loving myself to much and actualy thinking I'm attractive to suddenly seeing a monster in the mirror who looks so overweight its a visous cycle. We are both still so young and we shouldn't have to be dealing with this at our age. I have never been happy with my figure I am 5ft9-10 about a size 12-14 UK size so yeah I'm going to be a bit heavier than most girls and I am a little bit bustier aswell but all I see is belly when my boyfriend just see's boobs lol he doesn't really mind he has dated a lot larger than me he even said he likes the belly without sounding rude lol but to him it's something to grab on to but I know not all men want a skinny girl I am glad I have a man who doesn't care about my body but he does have a go about me not dressing pretty enough, meaning I don't wear jeans and nice stuff I just wear sweatpants and jumpers because I don't want to show my belly. It's bad I need to change I was just feeling so out of sorts when i posted this I do feel a bit better more just emotional today now because tomorrow we are scattering my grandpa's ashes after 7 years but I need to be strong

Definetly look into getting some help and therepy or even just a counciling session or group session. Go somewere were u feel confortable to let everything out and talk about things it may be hard even just right it down on paper and hand it too them if you are scared hope you feel better today xxxxx

Sadly I am without anyone to talk to and being in Australia where I am literally forced into doing things or I would be on the streets, I am getting extremely low at the minute so had to come here last night and just let it all out but sadly feeling the same way and haven't slept and it's 5am now.

I am glad you have someone who accepts you, I actually I find typing out how I feel a lot easier than if I said it. I am afraid of having to talk to someone when I get home because even thinking about it now I have a lump in my throat but unable to cry.

And I get how you feel, I used to want to change but you just get so burnt out feeling so low about yourself and the way you look, you just have absolutely nothing left to anything about it, no matter how much you want..

I lost weight the unhealthy way and now deal with more problems because of that. There's no easy fix and I really feel sorry for you as I know it's so hard... -hug-

Im sorry you feel like that hunni I can really feel your pain I wish there was something I could do but it's easier said that done. It is extreimly hard to talk about it with people and its good that you reached out here as everyone is friendly and gives as much good advice they can give since everyone feels the same. Take it in baby steps don't force yourself into things that you think will make you feel better when it wont. I know what you mean I lost weight just by walking all the time and the weight came flying off so quickly I was also smoking a lot of weed at the time, soon as I stopped I started gaining and that was when I got into my new relationship of course ur eating more as somehow he can eat so much crap and not gain at all as I need to totally watch what I eat but I can't help the binging sometimes. I know this sounds silly and you will get doctors say this it wont cure you from depression but it will make things a little easier. Drink plenty of water and try eat loads of fruit and veg it does make a slight difference. It might be different for you as everyone is different but it may make things a bit easier with your mood it's worth a try thats what I am doing just about to cut up strawberrys if I just leave them with the stems on I wont eat them lol. You should try get some sleep soon lack of sleep does make things worse. Hugs xx I'm here to talk I might not reply straight away all the time because of work but I will always reply xxx

I have to do these things physically like finding somewhere to stay and having to physically force myself to speak to people which does more harm than good.. 

This is the very low end of my mood changes and it's extremely hard to deal with, overwhelming thoughts of not wanting to be here and failing to see the point..

I'm just worried about having to stay here for a few more weeks, sorry I'm hijacking your thread but letting this out to someone when I'm in this mood does some good.. X

I know it's hard. you can talk all you want to let it out it's better than bottling it all up Im happy to listen to you and  give you the best advice I can. I wish I could give you a big hug x

Thanks I feel opening up here has made things worse as now I'm willing and wanting help but more alone than I have ever been and it hurts more than when I was bottling it up..

It's so sad my life has turned out like this, I really hope it works out when I go back because I can't keep living on the hope that it will get better, I need it to..

Keep strong its a struggle but I am sure you can do. If you feel things are a far too much just send a wee message to me x hugs xx

This may or may not cheer you up but I was in my kitchen just there and I heard a buzz on my head i thought it was just a fly in my hair then I saw it fly past I relised it was a wasp!! and I started squeeling and the dog got a fright and started going bananas. LOL I know its not really funny but it made me relise what an idiot I am sometimes and it made me chuckle a bit.

stay strong xxxx

Lol I'm allergic to wasp stings and hate them aswell x

Thanks I just need someone to help me until I can get back home, sadly I can't help when my moods change and know it will only get worse over the next few weeks until I get home.

Your a good person and hope you overcome your problems x

ooooh i just hate them i have only been stung once when i was 5 and feared them since lol. 

I know you can't help it i just hope when you do get home you will look to get some help and just be honest with the doctor I was very good at lying i would tell them i feel depressed then tell them I feel better so they put it down to just typical woman hormoans but I wasn't fine I just couldn't be bothered with the hassle with everything at that time I thought I was just bothering people. You are too and I wish the best to you and I do really hope you over come this too xxxxx

I may not like it here but it has made me see how troubled I am, if I went to the doctors before this there would be no way I would admit everything no matter how much I wanted to..

Mood changed back to normal again now.. Really hope I can get them under control as they bother me more than anything..

How I feel now I get the odd suicidal thought but would never think of doing it..but when I get really low It's really hard to control and I completely change, hard to explain lol xxx

Sometimes it only takes one thing to make you relise that you need some help to get your moods undercontrol. I know what you mean about swining back and forth I am happy your feeling better now though!

My mum constantly tells me she thinks I'm bi polar or body dysmorphic but my boyfriend thinks I'm just a bit depressed but I don't even know myself my thoughts and views change constantly about how I view people and myself it's not really a personality change and I am still the same person but my music sence changes my style changes I will be very rude to people without meaning but only to certain people not random people I barly no it's ushally the ones closest to me I end up hurting. 

I understand what you mean about that its like no emotion you feel drained and confused and millions of other emotions i felt like that yesterday I had a lot of suicidal thoughts I was ready to call a helpline but just went to sleep and even though iv not slept much I seem to be in an ok mood i was very energetic at work but I think leaving this post probs helped a little as i got loads off my chest that I couldn't say to people around me.

You should probs get some sleep soon thats what I'm doing it's not late here but I need to be up at half 5 for work boooo lol xxxx

Hugs x

 

Yeah I thought I may have been bipolar at one point with how my moods change and unable to control how I feel but after researching it a bit I'm pretty sure it's not that as their behaviour is very specific.

It's scary when you go back to feeling normal, well how I feel when I can control things and realise it could so easily end up going wrong and not being able to control those thoughts.

7am now I guess I'll just fall asleep during the day lol x

But night if you are going to bed and thanks again for calming me a bit xxx take care and I hope you feel better!

Yeah bi polar is apprently quite intence but then i know people with bi polar and they seem pretty normal it just depends only the doc can dignose. I think its full blown depression you have and I think I'm just crazy lol and and aww i love sleeping during the day hahaha and your welcome glad I could help! you take care too and enjoy your sleep x

Yeah think it depends how severe it is

Just been for a walk and had a pizza, time to relax for a bit.. In a bit of a better mood today thanks for dealing with me yesterday I know I can be a but much when I feel like that.

Hope you have a nice day at work

Hey! thats good food ushally does the trick glad you feel better Im happy to listen sometimes thats all you need :D I had a quick day but sadly had to leave early and do traveling to go scatter granpa's ashes at the beach but at least after 7 years I finally got to say goodbye x

Yeah I just stuffed myself with a pizza, only felt bad once today but best I have felt in a while x

And aw that's nice I'm sure he would have loved that, perfect place to do it and say goodbye aswell, hope you're ok x

Aw nice pizza is my downfall. I get paid tomorrow so going to treat myself them by loads of low fat stuff and ATTEMPT to diet maybe loose about 15lbs will do it I don't want to loose all my fat I will just look anorexic since I'm so tall. I have not long woke up from a nap i really needed it as I had a  2 hour journey on the bus today but it was a beautiful day very unlike Scotland to be sunny in september lol went for some lunch and tea then I head home and my mum drove everyone else home I feel ALOT better after my nap though just munched a ham and cheese wrap for my dinner yum! glad your feeling that way its ok to feel sh*t through out the day but all in good time and just take it in baby steps don't push urself )

Just woke up, not feeling good at all.. Gonna go have something to eat and see how I feel.

Not sure what you said as it's being moderated :o

I think it's because I swore LOL said the Sh word :P and awwww yeah get some grub and water down you and relax maybe go back for another nap see how you feel after xx

Not feeling a lot better, really gets me upset when I'm like this as I just can't help it

Did you find a beach your grandad enjoyed going to or just found a place that was perfect? X

Had an anxiety attack earlier and have felt like crying all day, I never seem to be able to though, eyes get watery and I get close to bursting but something stops me

Hey sorry I never replied earlier I never had time too as I was running away from loads of wasps in my house this morning and I hope your feeling better thats horrible I completely sympithise with that Hugs! Just relax as much as you can and try some breathing exercises I know its hard too but its worth a try or watch something on youtube thats calming thats what I do to help me fall asleep when having an attack xxxxxxxx

Midnight and about to go to sleep, hopefully feel a bit better tomorrow, take care xxx

hope you had a nice day, still feeling like crying but better than earlier, hopefully some sleep will help, talk to you tomorrow x

Thanks it was an alright day as its the scottish referendum tomorow we find out if Scotland will be no longer a part of the UK anymore which is scary but its exciting too. Huggles yes you get to bed get that beauty sleep and I shall speak to you tomorrow night night hope ya feel better tomorrow xxx

Yeah was watching that on the news yesterday :o

Thanks I still felt bad when I woke up but coping again now hope you have a nice day x

Seem to be binging on food at the minute but after losing half a stone I think I should enjoy it, saw your other post and Goodluck losing weight, before I got a bit of an eating problem I lost a stone just by cutting out snacks, my diet was still bad but I eat so much chocolate the weight flew off.. X

Hey

Well it wasn't the vote I hoped for but thats just the English Goverment for you. I have no problem with English people it's just their goverment trying to take all of Scotlands money and funnily enough the people who voted no were all from wealthy areas. It just doesn't make sence, there has been videos posted of people messing with the votes.

45% yes 55% no

There was more yes people than no's I saw millions of yes stickers everywere and a few nos all over scotland they had loads of yes marches I know its a bit far fetched but something is very very fishy and everyone suspects it but I m very proud of my home town who all voted yes and my boyfriends home town had more yes's too exept he voted no since his dad is English and he wants to join the british army but thats his choice I voted yes for my and my future childrens future. 

So sad today Scotland is the first country to vote againt independance how embarrasing for the Scottish people but we are still strong and have hope the Goverment has over powered us again.

Sorry for rambling I love my country and consider myself Scottish more than british anyday but we all knew deep down it was a NO before the vote took place they knew what they are doing

change of subject LOL I love chocolate I dunno why I am not diabetic yet and lucky you I am really struggling and its getting me down x

Sorry *British Navy* not army lol

Nice to see you are proud of who you are x 

And I don't blame you I don't really get into politics though, I watch when they argue in the House of Commons and find it very amusing for some reason... Weird huh

I actually thought it was already going to happen anyway as from what I'd seen a lot of the scots wanted it, sorry you didn't get the answer you wanted though x

And sorry that your struggling, feel it was kind of insensitive what I said so sorry but I meant well x here if you ever need to let anything out, nothing better than talking to a random person about problems.. For me anyway x hope your feeling ok!

Well theres always next time but we need to wait like 10-20 years until that happens but a lot of Scots are very upset but something is very very fishy thats 3 vids I have seen with people messing with the votes also there was one was a woman putting yes votes into a no pile another was a guy was changing the votes (he could of been a yes voter we don't know but it's still wrong" and there was a pile of yes votes in the No pile something is not right if we never saw this we would accept defeat and move on also they are now thinking about not giving scotland that powers they want and we all knew they would do this. The no voters only voted no because they are scared of change! 

But I do hope there will be no rioting that will only make things worse but I have signed the petiosion about them to investigate the videos of people counting the votes. I saw a lot of depressed faces today. In work a customer said to me it was "fear over hope" and he is probebly right but I still think the Goverment have something to do with it we just don't feel and of course the no's are celebrating but they won't be when the NHS becomes private and there tax goes up all I can say is #don'tblamemeIvotedyes 

Sorry I'm just so confused about this LOL

and don't worry you haven't upset me I never ment it in that way I just wish I could loose weight fast but everyone is different with their metabolisim I just want to loose about 20lbs x

Your passion for being a scot is inspiring ps I love the accent. I think though with a decision that massive there is bound to be a fix or at least a mess with some of the votes, sad that it comes to that really..

I know how your feeling about the weight though but you can do it , not like that helped me when I got told that but hey.. I hope one day I can feel good about myself. I thought losing the weight after being bullied would help but the scars are still there and I probably hate myself even more now than before

I started off just doing sit-ups and push-ups at home everyday and then slowly moved onto using dumbells, I'm not confident enough for the gym, hard to explain I just don't think I'd manage it

One day we will be truely happy we just have to fight harder is all x

I know people love the scots more than the english it's a fact. I accept it's a no but I want them to look more into it and I do hope there wasn't a fix so there is no fighting but the No's are certian we are just sore loosers but they are bending over to be bum humped by Westminster and alot of old people voted no as they are scared of loosing their pensions grrr LOL

I will just need to cut out so much rubbish but I CANNNNNT

hahah we will be one day don't worry! 

I haven't asked where are you from? x

 

I live in Leicester in uk, kind of close to London...ish..not really.. Heh..

I know what you mean, I used to be addicted to chocolate... Literally.. When I stopped eating it I felt like death craving it for days after.

And haha funny seeing you like that x, that's why I prefer to live in blissfull ignorance and not listen to politics

LOL I hope I haven't offended you about the english stuff but like I said its not the people I dislike its the goverment! LOL I can get quite manic plus I havn't slept much the past few days so my mind is in overdrive LOL I need a long 9 hour sleep tonight thats for sure! :P

Sugar is an addiction not a habit lol x

You seem in a good mood though today

And don't worry nothing like that ever bothers me and I get what you mean.

Yeah it's 3am here and iv stuffed myself with pizza and literally drank 1.5 litres of milk and feeling pretty crazy at the minute lol..  Milk is my weakness

Good dont wanna offend ya lol

yeah im good today just wish the vote was different but what can we do but there will be fights tonight like their were on wed night but Ill be at home safe and in my bed lol so tierd just now but need to tidy up and put a washing on cant be bothered lol and milk is good for you if its semi skimmed though btw if u want you can add me on facebook if not its no problem just easier to talk there  

Just type Cara McAllan i'm the only one there lol

Never really use Facebook but I'll add you 2moz as my eyes are shutting while I'm typing this x

Thanks again for listening to me the past few days, means a lot having a few people check up on how I am. May seem small to you but has honestly helped me deal with things and I appreciate it.

Take care and have a great day x

Thats cool add if u want i honestly dont mind im happy to chat on here and its no problem i am happy i was able to help you and it helped me too having someone to talk to as i feel i dont have that many to talk to anymore

you too night night! xx

Well trying to sleep has failed, I'm so hot and feel horrible from all that milk and pizza.

I spent a while yesterday typing out a letter of everything I feel and thinking of going and showing it to a doctor, feeling like I'm starting to drop back into a low mood so might have to

Just hard to because I always have to get out of my comfort zone and anxiety gets the better of me. 

No rooms left in the hotel I'm in so have to leave tomorrow, feel like I'm going to have an attack soon I can't keep doing this 

Hey hope your ok! just take deep breaths and get some water and sit down and yeah typing it out is better you explain yourself alot better.

Hope you are feeling better soon xxxx

Gonna struggle today and if I'm not on until Tuesday it's because i won't have wifi either  

So drained and I really don't need this x

I know hun I wish there was something I could do for you =/ just stay calm and relaxed as much as posible Ill still be here x

Been speaking to someone so I'm feeling better now, I feel embarrassed when I read back what I say when I get like that, isn't nice at all..

Hope you've had a nice day, got to check out of my hotel soon so hopefully I can manage x

Yeah I get like that too you cant help it though but never feel embarrased about it and yeah busy day at my boyfriends just now for the night since im off work the 2 of us arguing over the scottish referendum trying to convince him scotland would be better when i say arguing i mean winding each other up lol we are just laughing about it and things have calmed down here in Glasgow aswell they yes voters have been having peacefull protests and been bringing loads of food to george square for food banks good on them! Glad theres no more fighting. Is that you heading back home? or somewere else? x

A different hotel really nice and the balcony with a view is awesome.. Feeling crap at the minute but something happened yesterday which have me some hope.. Xx

And there's nothing like a bit of banter :P did he not want it to happen?

aww cool! awww good i am glad you know im here for ya if u need to talk when ur feeling crap  

and I know hes a pain in the ass but hes my pain in the ass and nah he was scared he wasn't going to get into the British navy if it was a yes x

Aw cute  

Yeah just a girl who I'd been seeing before I went I was talking to here as I was getting bad and needed to talk and she told me she loves me... Kind of surprised but it's nice I guess and was really happy although now I'm feeling pretty crap again lol x

She suffers the same and we just clicked and are so alike but going to aus and having to wait a year wouldn't have worked.. Think I need to sort myself out before any of that though but has given me something to hope for I guess

Awww thats lovely! I hope that something happens between the 2 of you :D good to have people around you that comepletely understand what ur going through my guy doesn't really know how to respond to my moods but he is gradually starting to understand how it is making me feel x

Thanks, whenever something good happens my anxiety always makes me think I'm going to ruin it

And I'm glad he starts to understand she means a lot to me but I don't know if I want to risk getting hurt as I don't think I could take it

It is nice having someone care and she's perfect for me but we shall see

Hope you had a good day x

Yeah it's not a nice thing to have I get anxious around my blender when making smoothies I know it's bizzare! I sometimes think its going to slip out my hand and cut me up and sometimes I get that urge to hurt myself with it urghhhh makes me shiver thinking about it LOL sorry im in a weird mood today.

My advice is to just take things slow and see how things go hunni :D

You tooo enjoy your day xx

Not talking to her until I get home I keep getting mixed signals and can't deal with it at the minute, loves me one minute and can't go on without me and then ignoring me.. Can't get any worse so best I stay away at the minute..

And aw I get anxious over little things aswell have a lovely day and speak soon x

Well if that's the case why do so many Scots move to England??  x

Hey sorry i havent replied been a bit busy lol and yeah just keep your distance thats the last thing you need in this time think of yourself just now

you have a nice day and hope your feeling good! xx

You know I honestly don't know lol

Yeah need to sort myself out first And her mixed signals certainly are doing more harm than good so not spoke to her since.. 

Worrying about having to fly back alone and had another anxiety attack so I have to stop thinking about it, take care and hope you have a great day x

Just take it easy like have a hot chocolate before the fight and take deep breaths you know if you have a panic attack someone will be there to help you xx

You take care too have a lovelyyy day Im just going to have a disco nap before I head out with friends tonight but of course many have canceled as ushal its a let down but ill still try have a good night x

Had to go to the hospital last night I got really bad again, probably going to be in bed again all day because I feel exhausted..

Hope your having a nice night x

aww thats horrible hope you are feeling better now xxxx

take care! x

thank you it was an alright night bit let down by people but that happens xx

Well my last day in Australia, I'd like to say it's been nice but I can't wait to get home and try and get some help, not looking forward to being at my house and back with my family but I guess nothing ever works perfectly for me..

Dreading tomorrow having to find where to go at the airport, just wish things would have worked out differently but I know I can't keep this up anymore.. 

yeah just take it easy thought try not to make urself feel more stressed you know that if you feel like an attack coming on just tell someone I am sure someone would help you and hot chocolates are good for calming down

Im here if you need me xx

Hey cara hope you are ok xxx

Hey hun im doing no bad how are you? xxxx