I think I'm addicted and I'm scared to quit

Dear May,

Firstly, you've come to the right place. We are all either in the same boat or have similar harrowing tales. OK, it's one thing to share, but we need to know what to do.

Firstly, without trying to alarm you, you are exhibiting classic symptoms of the early stages of addiction. My story, cut very short, I used N+, about 16 per day for the calming effect it gave me and I was battling alcohol dependence - I'd suffered a heart attack 3 months prior to the beginnings of my addiction, thrown onto the streets and was trying to find happiness in this soul-less box of a flat.

When I 'beat the booze' the N+ filled the hole. When I then tried to quit the N+ (12.8mg codeine per tablet, which converts to morphine in the liver), I suffered the worst (what I thought) was flu. Horrendous. I couldn't focus, was anxious, achy bones, zero appetite, so, as a kind of macarbre experiment, I went to another chemist, one I hadn't used recently, and bought just 12. These, I promptly necked, and lo and behold, my symptoms disappeared completely.

This, I found to be very alarming; as it confirmed that I had a full blown addiction to codeine.

When I blurted out these very words "I'm addicted to Over the Counter painkillers", the doctor turned to me aand said "you cannot get addicted to caffeine". "it's not caffeine", I replied, "it's codeine". He pulled an enormous manual from his shelf and after some deliberation, prescribed a program of codeine phosphate only; gradually reducing, so that I'd be weaned off codeine completely after 3 weeks or so.

Now, I've said this many times on here and with total agreement from other contributors here, agree that these tablets have no effect whatsoever. The legal doseage a GP cn prescribe I believe is 180mg codeine phosphate per day, and I was somewhate confused because the only othe ingredient present in N+ is Ibuprofen, which of course does nothing other than deal with pain. It beggars the question "what else is in these tablets". I tried (and failed) countless times on this road, always topping up with N+. When my problem grew to 32 N+ per day, I was referred to the drugs advisory clinic; by this time, I was on 64N+ and my GP sent me immediately to hospital to get a thourough check up and miraculously, I was ok. You will hear stories of people having half of their stomach removed - YET still continue to use, and if I run this by you, you will see why.

Each N+ tablet contains 12.8 mg codeine. This converts into morphine by the liver. 32 N+ is 409.6mg codeine. 64N+, therefore is 0.8pure codeine (a gram, nearly, of morphine - which is heroin.

Anyway, I digress. What I would do is this:

1. Go and see your GP immediately and tell him that you ARE (not think), addicted to over the counter painkillers.

2. Be very insistent about this, clear, no need for drama, be emotional - be yourself. He will either prescribe codeine. Here you have two choices - a) take the prescription and see if it works, or b) tell him our stories about how they, to your knowledge, do not work.

The third option is one I would thoroughly recommend - the Drugs Clinic. You will be assessed and put onto a program. Do not be alarmed if the word 'methodone' crops up. There are two options, either methodone (a green liquid) or subutex. I cjhose subutex (Bupronorphine). You will be seen by a key worker to discuss how things are, and in my case, was prescribed Buprenorphine, 6mg per day. At first, you take it in an office in the pharmacy and you will be watched. After a coule of weeks (and don't sneak in the odd slab of co-co's or N+ as they will show up in your urine test0  and although you will still be on the program, it will continue to be supervised.

I've 'graduated' to two pick-ups - I'm on one 2mg Bupe per day - so on Monday, I get 4 x 2 mg Bupes and on Friday, I get 3 x 2mg Bupes. I no longer sneak in or have the need for any N+ - for me, they completely wiped away any craving for any other opiate (N+ in my case never touched heroin). They make you feel like you can function and relaxed - therein lies a temptation to 'just take another, I'll be ok for one day without' DON'T!! That day is so long and horrendous, before you know it, you'll b tearing walls up and screaming down the road to the nearest chemist.

Finally, personally, I'm on day 17.8. There have been rocky moments, but sheer determination and will power will reward you - that I promise.

Crucially, think on why you took them in the first place. In my case, it was depression - and finally, after many attempts at many different types of A/D, I found mirtazipine which clicked beautifully (if one can call a chemical beautiful), on the lowest dose od 15mg per day.

Enough from me. You will be supported thoroughly by the very good and very real people on this site. It is a horrendous addiction, as big a problem in the UK as alcohol, which is why it is referred to as "my dirty little secret".

All the best and hope that helped.

Rich

Unfortunately feeling rubbish is part of it. The good news is it's doable and trust me it will be worth it. I say this just now as I'm on day 2 of not taking any cocodamol and tonight will be going to my first ever narcotics anonymous meeting (if u Google narcotics anonymous and ur country e.g UK it gives u a helpline and a list of groups) I have quit a few times and now know I can't take even 2 after I've stopped as the addiction comes back. The best things I've found for withdrawals are a hayfever tablet for shakes/ imodium for dhiorea and and asparin/anadin for the headaches. Be strong and think back to how normal u felt before taking them