I think my partner has bipolar but he can't see it and I'm struggling

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My boyfriend goes from Liturally showing me in love and affection to telling me he hates me and he wish I'd die.

The slightest think can trigger him but the majority of the time it comes from nowhere he will just be in that mood.

I'm currently off work with an ear infection and he has shown very little compassion ...in fact he didn't speak to me at all for an hour this morning when I got up ...There was no show of care. What I don't get is he shows the kids love and affection it just seems me he is cold with.

We have got into arguments over nothing and it will result in him getting very agressive ...He wouldn't ever hit me but he is vile and extremely hurtfull things with his month. He has wished me dead, called me names, denied ever loving me. I cry cause I'm upset and he just tells me I'm pathetic. He doesn't show remorse until a few days later when he is loving and very sorry. The problem is he won't accept he has a problem and it's causing me to have depression and I just don't know what to say. When we are great we are fantastic but I'm constantly scared for the dip again as I know it's coming. I feel like I'm living on the edge.

Please can anyone help me as I love him so much and we truly are soul mates.

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  • Posted

    Hi Claire. Reading this makes me sad as it sounds like I have been with my partner. I pick arguments with him all the time, mostly over nothing. I know I'm doing it and can't stop myself. I won't speak to him for days and sometimes it lasts for weeks. I'll go mad at the slightest thing like if he leaves something somewhere or doesn't clean up. I know I'm just finding something to shout at him about. I push him away when his leg touches me in bed sometimes and make myself go in a mood on certain days like Christmas and birthdays. I'm really ungreatful and hurtful. Also the same in your situation I'm completely different with the kids. I would never get angry with them and always kiss and cuddle them. I find it almost impossible to say sorry to my partner even though I love him. I have good and bad times but mostly bad lately. I'm also in a lot of debt. I wrote on here a few days ago to find some opinions on what could be wrong with me. Bipolar and anxiety came up. I plan on seeing a doctor as soon as I can. Maybe show your partner this and hopefully he'll seek help like I'm going to.
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    • Posted

      Thank you for your concern sarah. He doesn't particularly pick fights he'll just be cold and distant for no reason. If i ask him for a hug etc he strops like a teanager or says I'm controling him. In his head his behaviour is normal and its me that ends up saying sorry all the time just because it hurts so much to fall out. I just can't deal with change from Mr perfect to Mr evil and its so drastic and without warning. He makes me feel like I'm too demanding. I'm scared of up setting him or saying something wrong because of the reaction I might get.

      This morning I fell down the stairs but because I'd mentioned I was hurt by his lack or caring mess about been poorly he showed no concern and refused to comfort me while I sat crying. It makes me feel so unloved and rejected but only 2 days ago he told me I was the most wonderful girlfriend and he couldn't wait to marry me.

      I lost my temper this morning cause I was hurt by his attitude and told him he was selfish and cruel. His response was your pathetic, what can I do you've hurt yourself a hug won't make it better ....Anyone would think you had 3 weeks to live? - that's not normal in my eyes but it is the coming the norm for me?

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    • Posted

      I'm so sorry you hurt yourself. I find it easy to sympathise with others but In my situation, similar to what your saying, I wouldn't sympathise with my partner. We've rowed before and when he's become defensive back to me I've just told him to leave and that it's over. Have you got family or friends near by that you could stay at for a long weekend or few days? Maybe it will give him time to think about what he's doing to you. And sounds like you could do with a break too. I wish I could take my own advice but when I'm in a real life situation I can't stop myself from being a horrible person to my partner. And I know deep down I'm not a bitch!
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    • Posted

      You sound really nice and im sure your not a bitch at all. I know deep down my boyfriend loves me and doesn't mean what he says but it does hurt. I font know if having someone here will help or weather I need to go for a few days? It could make him cross and it starts a whole new row.

      Sometimes I question if he really wants me or if he's just settling and that's why he is so nasty?

      I really hope you do get help as I can see you don't like the way you are with your partner and surely that's a first step :-)

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    • Posted

      Yeah definitely. I don't like being horrible and depressed but I know it's all my fault. And I'm the only one that can do something about it. I think I've been like this for years but it's come out in different ways. As soon as I feel someone getting close to me I push them away. I know my partner doesn't deserve to be treated this way, the same as you don't. It's easy for me to say this to you but couldn't say this to my partner. I guess the only way for you to find out his true feelings Is to do something about it. If he loves u he'll try to get some help and talk about it. It is hard and it's taken me god knows how long to realise I've got a problem. Try and be strong! You deserve happiness. We don't want you to become depressed as well. Sending you love and luck from the nice me :-)
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  • Posted

    He amy never see it. I would turn away as fast as I can. You don't want to live like this for the rest of your life. 

    I wish I did'nt have. I have had a hard time with 2 husbands. It is so hard to see it yourself. 

    Does he drink? That makes it worse. 

    Sorry I wish I could help you. I know that isn't what you probably wanted to hear. good luck, their are many fishes in the sea & you deserve to be happy. Life is short.

    Hugs,

    Blondie

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  • Posted

    Hi claire jus in regards to your story i am having simular problems with my partner as wel we can b happy aa then out of the.blue.hell say something really mean i end up getting angry and argumentitive over what he jus said. I love my partner and we jave been together for 2 plus years but i feel with his behaviour like that hes tearing us apart. Hes changed doest associate with anyone wont go to work and when someone makes an honest conversation with him he takes it the wrong way. I dont know what to do please help
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  • Posted

    I know because I am there . How can my husband love our son and be such a good dad but literally hate me. I mean I am our sons mother. When we have a good day I cant seem to be any happier. It truly is living life on the edge
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  • Posted

    Hi Claire, I thought I was the only person going through this. My partner is exactly the same and goes from being the sweetest person to the nastiest. He has told me how he regrets proposing, wishing I was dead or telling me to go kill myself, calling me a snake, annoying, pathetic, whore, lowlife scum, a grub. Anything and everything you could think of. Then when he is back to his normal self he can't believe the things that he has done and said. He has never hit me but sometimes I feel like he could. He has grabbed me around my neck and has threatened to hit me but hasn't done it. Yet, I still can't find the strength to leave him. I love him and I believe he is not well and feel like if I left him, it would forever be on my conscience. I have suffered and still suffer from depression and sometimes think maybe I am all the things he says I am, but I talk myself out of it and reassure myself that it is him and not me. I try and take it day by day and say or do as little possible so as not to trigger him although sometimes it just happens for no reason. I absolutely hate my life with him and can easily say I am not happy at all, yet I still can't seem to leave him....
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  • Posted

    Hey chick, I completely understand where your coming from. My boyfriend is the exact same he goes days being literally the most perfect boyfriend to whom I want to spend my future with and then after a few days he can just turn moody for no reason and tells me he wishes I choke on my food,I make him feel sick, I'm a sh*tty girlfriend too other hurtful things like no wonder my previous boyfriends have broken up with me I'm a disgrace and a slut for no reason. Then the next day he will wake up like nothing has happened.

    All day today he has been Absoulutely vile and its NYE and went to bed at 10.00 in a p*ssy? it's like wtf..

    I have told him that he needs to see someone because he has got biopolar,even though it makes the situ worse but I got to. get it through to him.

    His parents think it t

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  • Posted

    ** His parents think it too but I haven't told him that! then he seriously would hit the roof!

    If worst comes to worst end it,it's getting you down its not worth it,u live one life and I do think my partner is my soul mate but honestly I always feel like I'm tredding on egg shells! it not a nice feeling tbh I'm thinking of giving up,I'm a literally drained of arguments x

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  • Posted

    Hi Claire. I came here to see was anyone seeing symptoms of bi-polar in there partners. My boyfriend moved in 5 months ago and his moods are every two weeks or so. He goes from being AMAZING to cold, hurtful, mean, aggressive, scary and cruel. I soooo want to label it because I can't bare a life of ups and downs. How do I approach him with this? I know he'll take it the wrong way. He has all the signs of bi-polar. Help.

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    • Posted

      Hi Klaire40246, I met my boyfriend a few months ago, he was kind, loveable, just amazing then changed overnight. He says he is ill, feels tired all the time, in pain, irritable, loves me too much, he's afraid of hurting me, so dumped me. He still needs me in his life but wants to go back to being friends and doing it all again. He has lost interest in his hobbies, work, people. He suffers from nightmares too. I really want to help him, I know he needs help. What do I do?

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  • Posted

    Wow! This discussion is the story of my life! I've been with my hubby for 22years. He has bipolar. He behaves exactly the same emotionally abusive way. It's so hard to understand how he can be such a fantastic dad; yet at the same time be such a vile partner! How he can be my biggest fan& supporter one minute; then a complete monster the next. My head gets so twisted up trying to figure him out. I used to try to talk t him about how it makes me feel. Talking when he's 'nasty' causes awful rows &he quickly escalates to aggression , which has very occasionally turned physical. Talking when he's 'normal' -he's in denial that it ever happened. I get told i'm overeacting. So I've learnt not to talk to him about it cos nothing improves, in fact it makes him angrier at me. Instead i talk to my closest friends & take anti- depressants. That's what 22 years of loving a 'bad bipolar' does to you. If you're in a new relationship with a 'bipolar' like this (many aren't, I've a bipolar friend who's lovely) -get out while you can!

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