I think my partner has bipolar but he can't see it and I'm struggling

I don't think it's bipolar disorder. My dad behaved almost exactly like your husband but to all of us in our family when I was growing up and still acts like that, though I don't live with him anymore. It's likely just abusive or angry behavior. I'm not a professional and I can't say anything for certain just from your post but bipolar disorder is a mood disorder- for him to have bipolar he would have to have very high, elated moods followed by very low, depressed moods though both normally come with irritability. These normally last for days to weeks or months at a time. It's not the same as what you're describing, he just seems emotionally/verbally abusive towards you. The anger and abuse can have certain triggers or come out of nowhere.

Once again, I'm not a professional, just someone that's lived through abuse and has mental health issues (many stemming from abuse). I would suggest you see a therapist or counselor if you can to talk about what you're going through, especially if you're becoming depressed. Best of luck to you. The book "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft was helpful to me. Just remember when he treats you like garbage, it's not your fault and your experiences are real.  

Hi Claire,

It seems like we are going through similar things..unfortunatly

My bf and I have been together for a year and a half, have lived together since we started dating. I suspect he has bipolar... I never identified as it until recently I stopped trying to solve each and every fight until it was okay. I am vocal about what i feel and think and I have emotions ( obviously) nd I do tell him what they are. i dont hide or pretend everythings ok i vocalize it with him. when im insecure or going through a bad emotion he makes it about him. i can see through it and yes when we are good we are good .... he says im beautiful all the time he loves me were soulmates (and i believe that) he cooks and cleans. but the second i am upset.... he makes it about himself he tells me to just stop feeling that way and how he thinks i should act and since i dont conform to what he thinks he turns completely. "whatever im done i cant do this. youre overreacting. slamming my car door and storming away getting an uber home" the worst is that im always always the one to get up from the couch while hes in the bedroom just ignoring the fight by sleeping or watching gameplay on his phone. just asking him just show you care. he ignores me. but when he comes back at me he says the worst things anyones ever said to me. i tell him when hes losing me. i cant take his abuse hell say "okay whatever bitfh go find someone that can put up with your crazy a3s. i dont ficking love you. ive been faking til the lease is up." it gets so bad that for example tonight.. i saw his we3d next to where he is laying on the couch after we 'broke up' and just laying there ignoring his s**t he did and i was like really your snuggled up with this and you cant even muster the energy to say anything to me after you promised to stop flipping out on my treating my like s**t with all this "i love you im so sorry" and i admitly hurt and scorned took his nug jug and acted as though iw as washinv it and wow miracle he jumps upfrom the couch. i had put it in a drawer. he doesnt see it and he screams in my face sayinv oh you dumb fing bivtch and puts his hands on my shoves me hard out of the kitchsn and apparentlg doesnt find it so he storms into the room where im hiding at this point and he yanks me up and calls me a dumb cint where is grips my arms really hard. and then throws me on the bed whkle my knee whacks off the bed frame. again 2 mintues later im laying down with our pup and he shoves his hands down on me hitting my stomach hard where i start crying and he screams i ahte you bitc9h. Garuntee when we wake up tomorrow he will be apolegetic. at this point im used to all his hateful cruel slurs and break ups and his i love yous mean nothing to me noww.... he thinks im the one that needs help.. yeah i think 99 percent of people have issues to work on . im not innocent but hes the reason i have no trust in him now. hes what leaves me considering leaving. if fhis sounds like bipolar please let me know. i cant live like this much longer its hurtful and i love with my whole heart

Hello, You sound like me on a every other week basis this story seems as if I wrote it myself. I experience this daily and my partner blames me for everything literally everything and says I’m the cause of his problems. He down talks me calls me stupid if he doesn’t think I should do it. He thinks he’s the smartest person alive so he’s chorused are the best if I say maybe we should do something else I’m told I’m talking dumb, of  trying to always be right, perfect or trying to control him, talking to him like a child. I know I don’t handle my reactions to him when he flips out we’ve seen a therapist and she said the same. It’s hard not to take what he says to me personally I’m only human I have feelings, and also I stand up for my self. One  day he loves me then the next he hates me. He doesn’t want to talk to me ignores me and all. We plan to get married I just hope he realizes it’s a pattern in his mood swings and high moments and low. Because when he gets upset it can last a week he literally is mad and won’t talk to me for a week some times. It’s so hard because when I bring up him being bipolar he says I’m trying to diagnose him. I’m like no I’m not a MD but I’m trying to help not only you but us. One time he was realizing he had “anger” problems now it’s right back to him not noticing his sudden shifts in moods, or getting mad over nothing at all. I love him and my family I’m trying to keep us under one roof peaceful.

Hi Claire,

I feel like I am the same with my partner. We had our first child 5 months ago and things weren’t amazin during her pregnancy. I felt, at the time, that it was only the rise and fall of her hormones and tried to be as supportive as I could. Since the arrival of our baby, I felt things would improve but they didn’t. I have persevered, as I truly love her, but she just says nasty things and spends most of her time in a depressive mood.

At first, I thought she may be suffering from post-natal depression, but she is an absolutely wonderful mum to our baby girl. Going to work full time isn’t easy either, especially spending time at home doing work too. However, she constantly tells me that she can’t wait for me to not be at home and the smallest things escalated into an argument, where she is vicious with her comments and won’t talk to me for days. 

After researching about bipolar disorder, I stumbled across your post and lots of the things outlined on here are very close to home. Her dad suffered with the disorder when she was little so I really don’t want to bring this up with her. Is there any extra information or support that we can get as a family, as it is tearing our relationship apart?

Hello Claire, I understand how you feel. My husband acts the same way. as he gets older, it is getting worse. I am in therapy because of my anxiety and depression. Much of it comes from him. Its been a horrible roller coaster ride living with him. He is like Jekyl and HYDE. Its scary and exhausting. It plays on your selfesteem and can completely take over your life if you let it. He doesnt admit he has a problem and his drinking makes it worse. I will say that if I walk away, put myself first, set boundaries and do not put myself in a vulnerable state, I am better. HOWEVER! After 36 years of hell, I can honestly say, I WISH I would have left when I was younger and stronger. sending you lots of warm wishes your way.

Hello Claire, I understand how you feel. My husband acts the same way. as he gets older, it is getting worse. I am in therapy because of my anxiety and depression. Much of it comes from him. Its been a horrible roller coaster ride living with him. He is like Jekyl and HYDE. Its scary and exhausting. It plays on your selfesteem and can completely take over your life if you let it. He doesnt admit he has a problem and his drinking makes it worse. I will say that if I walk away, put myself first, set boundaries and do not put myself in a vulnerable state, I am better. HOWEVER! After 36 years of hell, I can honestly say, I WISH I would have left when I was younger and stronger. sending you lots of warm wishes your way.