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I've been agrophobic for 20 years and dealt with anxiety panicking and now menuapause

Posted , 14 users are following.

rachel87590
rachel87590

I've got 2 disabled sons who are adults but need me so much and the menuapause is making me not function as I should and added to that I have a partner who drinks constantly and scares me into panic.... Any advice please I just can't talk to anyone as he watches my every move so I have no one ....

1 like, 42 replies

42 Replies

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  • sharcerv52408
    sharcerv52408 rachel87590

    Posted

    Hi Rachel,

    I am sorry to hear about your dire situation. My heart goes out to you. You have enough stress with with your sons conditions and your menopause. Do you have a male relative who can maybe intervene on your behalf? I had a boyfriend once who was clingy and very "off" and I didn't see it at first or didn't want to. I realized he was nuts and tried to ease out of the relationship but he started stalking by phone, text and in person. My older brother had to threaten bodily harm in order for him to leave me alone. It is a scary thing. Don't let things fester. Seek help and get out fast for yourself and especially for your sons. My God I can't imagine the stress and fear they are having. I'm praying for you. Please let us know how you get on.

    • lori93950
      lori93950 sharcerv52408

      Posted

      They also say if you’re walking on eggshells around your partner .... it’s not a good situation . I had a boyfriend like that for a year .... loved him but got rid of him . 
    • rachel87590
      rachel87590 sharcerv52408

      Posted

      I have 4 brothers but darent tell them as they would hurt him and he’s still my children’s dad I just don’t want to hurt anyone but I’m dying inside I’ve been with him 31 years since I was 16 and now I’m 47 and have 4 children with him and 2 of them have left home and beg me to leave him and live with them but I won’t bring trouble to my kids door so I’m stuck in every way xx
    • rachel87590
      rachel87590 sharcerv52408

      Posted

      I’ve done everything possible but he always threatens to kill himself in front of me xx
    • sharcerv52408
      sharcerv52408 rachel87590

      Posted

      Rachel it's time to speak up and tell your brothers. This is not a good situation and will not end good if you keep silent. We can offer you all the advice in the world and it may be comforting to read them but until you take action, you are just as you said-trapped. I know it's hard to make that step to leave or to expose him. But you said before you felt so free without him.

    • sharcerv52408
      sharcerv52408 rachel87590

      Posted

      Have you ever issued him an ultimatum and told him that if he doesn't get help you're threw with him? Tell him not to come back until he's sober and if he won't leave, then you need to.

    • mauiblue
      mauiblue rachel87590

      Posted

      Actually Its time for a change.

      you Are hurting yourself and your sons by not acting on this asap.

      There is no fixing this or reasoning with him anymore as he is toxic.

      the relationship is toxic. (threats of killing himself, alchoholism etc)

      The only way to freedom for you and your adult kids is to bite the bullet and get a hold of your brothers. 

      Make it official, and go by the proper legal channels. There will be no health or well being if you dont take care of this.

      We are here for support.

      xoxoxo

       

    • rachel87590
      rachel87590 mauiblue

      Posted

      I wish I knew how to start I’m so weak I’m useless xxx
  • rachel13481
    rachel13481 rachel87590

    Posted

    My advise is to ask him "permission" to go to therapy.  Tell him that you need help to improve yourself and get your anxiety under better control so that you will be a better partner to him.  Similarly, ask him to help you get to the doctor to get medicine to feel better so that he will benefit.  Get your hormones checked and see if you can get some anti anxiety medicine.  Since you have agoraphobia, ask him to drive you to your appointments and wait for you there.  Just put everything in terms of how you need to get better so that you will treat him better, etc.  I know the correct advise is to recommend that you leave him....but like you said that probably won't work.  In my opinion, your partner won't care if you say you feel miserable and need help to improve your life.  But if you put it in terms of how your actions of going to the doctor are all for him, you might find him helping you.  I hope you feel better soon!  

    • rachel87590
      rachel87590 rachel13481

      Posted

      I’ve begged him to get help but he keeps sending me doctors for more meds making me feel as tho I’m nuts ... it’s heartbreaking... if it wasn’t for my grown up children the only way to leave is to end my life xx
    • lori93950
      lori93950 rachel87590

      Posted

      Please don’t talk that way you have your children and they need you  .... if he’s causing so much pain in your life can’t you leave him ? I understand if it’s a financial situation or if you’re dependably on him to drive you places .... as I’ve been there myself . You may find a whole new confidence if you get on the BHRT it does help with the agoraphobia . Please seek some help . 
    • rachel87590
      rachel87590 rachel13481

      Posted

      He never listens to me and he gets angry if I have a voice .... this is mental cruelty if I could run away I wouldn’t stop xxx
  • rachel87590
    rachel87590

    Posted

    Thankyou all so much for your comments and advice and help I feel as tho there is help out there... he’s just getting out of bed so have to come off my phone so can I answer you all back when he’s in his shed please ... so sorry xxxxxxxxxx
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