I've been depressed for 50 years.

Posted , 7 users are following.

I have been depressed since I was about 3 years old. I remember crying and feeling sad all the time. As the years have gone by it has only gotten worse. I have never accomplished anything that has made my life better. I've quit going to school twice in my life. As soon as something happens, I crawl back into myself and contemplate suicide.

It has been a year since I've had a car. I have been using my brothers car to go to work, but every day I'm thinking what a failure I am, and when is it going to end.

About 2 years ago I was diagnosed with Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Hypertension, and Bipolar Depression. At that time I had insurance, but now I don't. It has been 8 months. I take OTC Ibuprofen, about 1000mg. and I'm still in pain every day.

For the last 4 months I have been on an eating binge. I have never eaten as much as I do now. I've given up and hoping for a heart attack. Sweets and junk food every day. There is no one I can talk to, because they feel I should just get over it.

I just ate a huge bag of salty Corn Puffs and 6 apple cinnamon rolls. I'm disgusted with myself.

I don't know what to do.

3 likes, 20 replies

Report / Delete

20 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi wandat46

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    Kindest regards


    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted


    My condition is PsA where most of my joints become sore and painful. I was basially lucky and was seen by the Pain Clinic who gave me many coping techniques. Also I use TENS machines to control my pain. Also I have learned how to control my medications so I do not become zonked out. This has gone on since 1984 and it is a real trail. I have no treatment for my PsA as the medical profession seems to loose interest after time because people who suffer this problem balk at the treatments that cause the immune system to crash and make us ill. Some people are ok by it although not in my case.

    Mental Health problems associated with Chronic Pain can be a real problem as we enter a circle of pain and low mood and this can lead to overeating. Personally I would suggest a more beneficial NISD be taken such as Celebrex, that may be more beneficial to your gut. The medical profession has many alternatives other than Ibuprofen that may be a better alternative. Pain medications can also cut into the pain you are suffering from

    Ask to see a Physio, they may be able to give you help with movement, you also need to be introduced to a CPN who will help you gain a more positive attitude to past live regrets and also ways of living with your Pain.

    When it comes to a Mental Illness since being a child you need to address and control your condition. You need to try and understand what caused your condition, to do that will help you move on.

    Talk to your GP and ask for a treatment plan, low mood will not help you in the control of pain. You need help and understanding so you can live your life in a better situation that you are living now


    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi wandat46,

    My oh my you are really down. And have been for all those years, a lifetime of depression and now self loathing as well..

    No way will you improve yourself without a game plan. You have written of your bad times, and if I asked you to write down your good times you would probably reply-there were no good times.

    If you have bipolar disorder you need proper medications, no medical insurance in the good old U.S, of A. and your left to deal with it on your own, and can't.

    Is there a possibility of a charity organisation there to help you or equivalent of the Salvation Army, you need help from somewhere to cope with this.


    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Wayne,

    Thanks, yes I was only trying to be supportive, never meant any offence, never would in my posts. The problem is that things can be read the wrong way, apologies if my post sounded harsh.

    Not being sure of what's available in other countries I suggested charities or Salvation Army as a starting point to get much needed help. We criticise the NHS but thank goodness for it.

    Sorry again for any confusion,


    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted


    Just so I am clear in my mind, if you have no medical insurance then you get no State help with your illness?? Or is there limited help through a queueing process or whatever. It seems unbelievable in this day and age that the sick and vulnerable are cast adrift by the authorities. Sorry if I sound dim, in the U.K. we are so used to the National Health Service providing free (well we do contribute through taxes) healthcare that any pay or you go without scheme sounds outrageous.

    Best wishes,


    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      It depends on the person's illness. Some illnesses are not covered. If people want help nowadays it's very hard for them to get healthcare or money from government. In the US it's very different. I've heard in Canada it's free.  I know it's outrageous. My sister the other day had to get her hand splints taken off by her husband. Her Doctor was charging her $100 to take them offsad She was in the hospital crying in pa*n while nurse sowed her hand and nurse guy was laughing at her. Insensitive people. They give bad service to the poor while to the rich they make big smiley dumb a$$ faces. 😑Hospitals here are another case too they make mean faces if you go and demand you pay them even at least something. Like $200. You can still go but they really make you feel bad about not paying. They still send the big hospital bill. My brother had a bad toothache and jaw, ear, head pain. He didn't have much money so he had to go with a doctor by the side. Paid $50. She didn't sterilize the utensils and didn't give him anything for the pa*n. They took out the back tooth and he still is in pain. He's worse. 😑It's sad that the Gover*ment really doesn't care if the poorer d*e and can't get proper medical help. Not fair that children are drinking from puddles of water in Africa and others have so much water. I went off topic.🤐 I know you were not asking me but I had to respond. My bad. smileTake Care💕

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Everyone pays taxes here too. But unfortunately healthcare is aside here. People pay either in cash at the Doctor's office or pay a healthcare insurance company per month.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      I am in between, when it comes to available health care. I make too much for the one provided by my state, and the ACA from the government wants the same I pay for my mortgage, per month. Weird thing is, when I was working 20 hours a week, I qualified for state insurance. Never had a problem with how I was treated. I had access to medicine and any medical test I needed. But I needed to work more hours to cover my bills and now I'm like $450 over my state limit for income.

      When I was going to the doctor, they informed my state that I was medically frail, but in this country there is a long process you have to go through, in order to be classified disabled. I've already started the process, and hoping maybe in 2 years I will be approved. In order to be considered for disability I also have to reduce the amount of hours I work. It's a vicious cycle.

      Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up