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I've been depressed for 50 years.

Posted , 7 users are following.

wandat46
wandat46

I have been depressed since I was about 3 years old. I remember crying and feeling sad all the time. As the years have gone by it has only gotten worse. I have never accomplished anything that has made my life better. I've quit going to school twice in my life. As soon as something happens, I crawl back into myself and contemplate suicide.

It has been a year since I've had a car. I have been using my brothers car to go to work, but every day I'm thinking what a failure I am, and when is it going to end.

About 2 years ago I was diagnosed with Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Hypertension, and Bipolar Depression. At that time I had insurance, but now I don't. It has been 8 months. I take OTC Ibuprofen, about 1000mg. and I'm still in pain every day.

For the last 4 months I have been on an eating binge. I have never eaten as much as I do now. I've given up and hoping for a heart attack. Sweets and junk food every day. There is no one I can talk to, because they feel I should just get over it.

I just ate a huge bag of salty Corn Puffs and 6 apple cinnamon rolls. I'm disgusted with myself.

I don't know what to do.

3 likes, 20 replies

20 Replies

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  • 9999
    9999 wandat46

    Posted

    I'm sorry you're suffering with all these illnesses. I feel like you too. I'm 25 but ever since I was 4 I've thought about su*c*de. Problems in school and at home. Teacher was being mean too me. Yanked my hair or gr*bbed me from my ear and would hum*l*ate me in front of the class. Made me feel so small I would c*y at night and wanted to d*e. I understand how you feel. I get nervous breakdowns, every problem I have comes up in my head and I just want to take the le*p. I'm so tired and f*d up with myself. You're not a failure at all! I am! I have never accomplished anything in my life. I didn't even start college. I couldn't handle it because of my social phobia, GAD, social anxiety, depression. I'm very impulsive I did a mistake and it cost me. I tr*ed to take my own l*fe and dropped out of school. I'm worse than ever. 7 years been stuck inside my house. I have agoraphobia. I have never had a job. I am a failure. You are working. Even with all the illnesses you manage to go to work. You are STRONG.👏 I understand the pa*n when I see my mother cry because of her back of hip pain. She takes strong pain meds too.sad Food comforts I eat too when I'm sad and feeling down. I'm sorry about how you feel and have felt your entire life. I have starved myself, dranked so much water, nothing happened. Done some b*d things to myself. I live in the US too.🙏Healthcare here is bad. 😑I haven't been to my doctor in many years. Meds don't help me though. Hope you find answers. There's some cheap places that provide Therapy and cheap clinics too. Wish you all the best!💕💖🙌Take Care

    • wandat46
      wandat46 9999

      Posted

      Thank you for your concern. I hope you find some way to feel better. Believe me I know that is hard to do.
    • 9999
      9999 wandat46

      Posted

      Thank you Wanda💕Hope you do too!

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