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I've been depressed for a number of years and nothing seems to be getting better

Posted , 6 users are following.

vikki47875
vikki47875

I have been treated for depression for about 6 years in this time I have tried twice to end it. The second was a massive eye opener for me as I ended up in hospital and being a few pills away from dying. I have two young children and a lot going for me in my life but no matter how much I try with the 'positive thinking ' i still feel myself feeling incapable of being 'happy' if that is the right phrase to use !. 

I feel myself pushing my husband away and getting very angry with my children for no reason. Which is having a very bad effect on my marriage and life!. 

I am not sure where to go from here. 

3 likes, 20 replies

20 Replies

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  • rachel62244
    rachel62244 vikki47875

    Posted

    Firstly I send my love. Are u on meds and have they tried changing them to help more. Do u feel unhappy or has the depression happened for no reason? Uv two young children u must get all the help you need ! 
    • vikki47875
      vikki47875 rachel62244

      Posted

      I have really tried to get help. I had a lot of help from the crisis team for long periods of time. I have had 5 diff types of meds to help but none of them do. I have had sleeping tablets and zopiclone to help. 

      I feel unhappy a lot of the time. And have periods when I shut everyone out. I no what I do but my problem is stopping myself from doing it. 

      I don't self harm or anything but I do wake up sometimes having horrendous nightmares covered in blood where I scratch my back to shreds. 

      X

    • rachel62244
      rachel62244 vikki47875

      Posted

      U shouldn't have to live like this surly there is note help out there. SSRIs tend to take the edge off. Are u functioning ok?
    • vikki47875
      vikki47875 rachel62244

      Posted

      I have lived with it for a while, so mainly yes I take care of my children and I go to work but I go from not wanting to move out of the house to needing to be out and walking to stop myself from having bad thoughts.

      I no all the ways to help myself but I don't feel like it eases off at all. 

      My gp won't do a lot. It's a new doctors surgery as I had to move with my husband away from the only gp I have ever seen who was amazing. 

      I don't no what to do. I just wanted to no I wasn't alone x

    • rachel62244
      rachel62244 vikki47875

      Posted

      Ur not alone there is lots of people on here who will understand. I know how awful it is, I had pdn 5 years ago but thankful sertraline worked. I come off them while pregnant and its back with depersonalisation etc but again this time fluoxetine is helping a bit. I don't feel unhappy in myself I just feel on one level and in a bubble. U dont have to feel alone, make sure u register for a councillor x
    • vikki47875
      vikki47875 rachel62244

      Posted

      I have tried a concellor. But I hate that .. Letting me speak thing. I think it's really awkward. I need people to ask me questions and then I could talk about it properly. 

      Thank you so much for talking to me x

    • rachel62244
      rachel62244 vikki47875

      Posted

      I don't know what to suggest but with the right help u can get better. Do u know what caused the depression to start ? Is ur husband supportive x
    • vikki47875
      vikki47875 rachel62244

      Posted

      I had a very bad experience with a man when I was 12 and since then things were a bit rubbish and that's when the nightmares started to happen. 

      But I lived a happy life and normal life 

      Then at 17 I had a missed miscarriage .. That just sent me into a mad spiral of ruining my life I tried a few times then bit that was just a cry for help and as far as the doctors knew I had ahh can't remember what it's called where you feel like your on a round about ect. 

       then when I stopped and got pregnant with my daughter I noticed how really in happy I was. 

      Things got really bad but then I met my husband and he got concerned when I was trying to attack him in my sleep and wouldn't let him touch me. It really freaked him out and after a lot of talking he understood. 

      He doesn't really get it he just says go to bed get in the bath .. He doesn't get what I need but then neither do I .. I can't really help him to help me 

      X

    • rachel62244
      rachel62244 vikki47875

      Posted

      Sounds like UV had some bad times and counciling is normally best for that. Depression is treatable so you shouldn't have been suffering this long. Your kiddies need their mummy. I think you should see a different doctor and be open with him/her 
    • vikki47875
      vikki47875 rachel62244

      Posted

      I tried to get an appointment today never got the emergency call back from them as they said there next appointment was in 2 weeks I even told her it was to do with depression she said nope 2 weeks is all they have so now what do I do x
    • rachel62244
      rachel62244 vikki47875

      Posted

      That is awful u must be firm. I had that and i felt so alone. If u feel suicidal you must go to the hospital! Don't let it sink you fight it and get all the help u deserve !! Xx
  • Swarovskijen
    Swarovskijen vikki47875

    Posted

    Please hang in there, you've got so much to live for, and with the right treatment you can get better. See different doctors until you find the most sympathetic and helpful one. There are so many meds, and therapy available, it's finding the one that suits you best. Have you got any other family you can talk to? x
    • vikki47875
      vikki47875 Swarovskijen

      Posted

      The only person I ever really talked to in my family was my mum and I can't now as any mention of me having a bad day and she is hiding the paracetamol and follows me round like a hawk. I don't want to worry her. 

      I did find a doctor that helped me in November but the receptionist told me there is a two week waiting list even for a telephone appointment. 

      X

  • krollette66
    krollette66 vikki47875

    Posted

    Hi Vikki,

    I want you to hear something now and really understand what I am saying to you.

    You are not alone .

    Please seek hep from Rape crisis they are wonderful people who deal with abuse past and present.

    They have a website that gives contact details of local organisations close to you.

    I have had similar issues to you and they have helped me put some of my own demons to rest.

    They do not replace mental health services but work alongside them.

    I never thought I would be happy again  but slowly I am turning things around and seeing that I am not a bad person just a person that bad things have happened too.

    You need to concentrate on getting well mentally and physically you have been through a hell of a time.

    I will be around if you need me

    Jo x

    • vikki47875
      vikki47875 krollette66

      Posted

      Hi Jo. 

      The thing is I'm not even sure is that is the issue. How would I no ??. 

      He is either dead or has moved and so doesn't live down the road from my parents anymore. 

      So I feel a little bit like I might be wasting there time. 😌. 

      Not sure if they would appreciate a call from me really 

      X

    • krollette66
      krollette66 vikki47875

      Posted

      The thing is they are there to help Everyone and you would not be wasteing thier time. Just  check out the website and decide if its right for you.

      As for loosing your baby Thats an experience only someone who has experienced that can truely understand.

      When I was seventeen i had a stillborn Son at six months pregnant that was 1983. No-one talked about that but I remember it.

      Look for people who have been where you are now to give you moral support.

      Once you allow yourself the freedom to talk maybe Youll start to heal

      Jo

    • vikki47875
      vikki47875 krollette66

      Posted

      The way I look at it is there must be swim thing else how can that still affect me now rolleyes. 

      Should there not be a time when I forget about it and move on ??. 

      X

    • vikki47875
      vikki47875 krollette66

      Posted

      I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how that affected you :'( x
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