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I Wanna Die Because I'm Stupid

Posted , 14 users are following.

somebody00
somebody00

I'm 22 and I feel too dumb and incompetent. I've been always good at school when it comes to memorizing,just because I used to study day and night, so I managed to get high grades from elementary school to high school and because school materials didn't require any sort of smartness I was good at it. My friends thought I was smart and treated me like I'm one but after I joined medical school and things got too big for me.I started to feel dumb when I saw my friends,who used to get lower grades than me and don't even study as hard, answer doctors' questions and argue them while I couldn't ,tho I used to study day everyday. I can't remember what I studied,I can't understand what I see,I can't think at all.One day I study for 2 hours trying to memorize the questions to ask a patient to take his history and the next day when I sit in front of him I get my tongue tied and I can't remember a single question.when someone is speaking to me I get a brain block,If he's trying to explain something I just nod my head so that he can finish pretending I understand when I don't. I couldn't even play dominos with my friends because I was too dumb and couldn't keep up with them,they started calling me stupid over and over which increased my feeling of idiocy. Seriously I have an extremely low self-esteem that I avoid talking to someone for along time for fear that he can find out how stupid I am. I don't understand people and I don't get a lot of what I hear whether instructions or explanations and I feel completely useless.I can't imagine myself as a doctor responsible for ppls' lives,I can't be a successful doctor with this stupid brain,I feel like I will have the wrong career before even starting.I am not a social person and because I'm too white for a guy in my country,not albino, I used to get bullied as a kid,even now some of my friends make fun of me and I feel in-confident when I meet someone new thinking he would judge me by my looks even if they don't say it I can feel it in their attitude towards me.I started having suicidal thoughts because what could a stupid imbecile like me  add to this world?

3 likes, 19 replies

19 Replies

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  • Patient
    Patient somebody00

    Posted

    Hi somebody00

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    Kindest regards

    Patient

  • jkeffy
    jkeffy somebody00

    Posted

    Have faith in yourself- noone gets into medical school who is not clever. In any case, there are lots of different branches of medicine that are suited to different personalities and skills.

    Going from being one of the top pupils in your school to medical school, where lots of people are smart is a scary thing. You are there on merit- don’t forget that.

    Maybe see your GP/ student counselling for support.

    Regards from a former medical student xx

    • somebody00
      somebody00 jkeffy

      Posted

      Thank you for the good words, i still can't find what suits me as per specialties, I'm not even sure if there's one but I appreciate the advice

  • vicky51471
    vicky51471 somebody00

    Posted

    Hi there  

    look I’ve felt like you thought I was beneath people I fel kinda of thick but I am really good at caring I ran a home for 10 years happy times.

    Youve achived a lot so far there maybe other fields you could try?

    I am not a cleaver person but I am not stupid like you yo7 are not.

    i cannot retain information very well at all and I curse myself my mum my partner get questions right on quiz programmes I don’t I get a few!

    thing is keep trying find something that will make you happy maybe you’re not meant to be a dr there something else for you.

     Look people can be cruel not understanding what you feel like. 

    Dont stop doing things please you are not an ibicle or anything like that.

    you sound lost and down. Call your dr have a chat with him/her you’ve said you’ve low self esteem many people do, do you have people around you that are kind and positive towards you that’s what you need.

     So look trie to talk to someone,

    you are worth being here, you will find you with a little help you feel. P,ease don’t give up.

    i put myself down call myself names but I am trying mot to do that and take the positives.

    ... take care be kind to yourself don’t put yourself down!

    Vicky🌈

     

    • somebody00
      somebody00 vicky51471

      Posted

      Thanks vicky for ur concern and encouragement but i think it's hard to change the field cuz i already spent 4 years studying medicine and i got 2 more left to graduate. Maybe i will consider this when i start failing as a doctor in the future who knows.

      And thanks for the advice I'm considering seeing a shrink already..

  • Adldiane
    Adldiane somebody00

    Posted

    Hello there. I am so sorry that you are struggling so much. It's very obvious that you are brilliant! And I mean brilliant! And it seemed to me as I read your email that there are several things going on. I am a visual person and a visual learner and when I started to college I chose different study styles and picked one that I thought fit me. And sure enough it worked very well for me. It's one thing to learn the material  from a book or the net it's another to take the material and get it in front of a group of people and listen to them and present your take on what you think is the diagnoses. Take me. I knew my studies very well but I could not stand in front of a group to save my life. But I can figure out I have a problem and I need help working it out then figure out what type pro does that and go get help and I will overcome that shortcoming in myself to achieve my goals. Does this make any sense? I'm wondering if maybe you might go see a counselor and get some help sorting these things out so you can take your genius self forward to achieve your life's dreams. What do you think? Diane

    • somebody00
      somebody00 Adldiane

      Posted

      Thank you Diane for the concern. Our materials require a great deal of memorization which is too hard for me and i tried many ways not to mention the understanding, besides it's not only about study,i tried to believe i was smart but my deeds kept proving otherwise.

      I may consider seeing a counsler yeah

    • Adldiane
      Adldiane somebody00

      Posted

      Hello again. You have probably heard this enough but you are young and it's normal not to know what you want to do at this point in your life. I..like you am not good at memorization...but I have found a way to study in a way so that I can remember and can learn effectively and make all A's which with my personality I have to have to pass😋.  I think you are way too hard on yourself. I am your biggest fan but far from the only one as you can see from all the responses!! We will be here while you work your way through this. And though therapy may take time it has changed my life completely! All for the best. Hang in there and keep us posted. By the way I like light skin as I am light skinned also😊!! Diane

  • Adldiane
    Adldiane somebody00

    Posted

    I promise I am hearing you. Hope you see a counselor as I know you will figure this out in a way that is best for you. Four years in medical school is a huge investment of yourself. It has to be frustrating. You will find your way please be patient with yourself! Diane
    • somebody00
      somebody00 Adldiane

      Posted

      I can't appreciate what u said more. I will try to be patient and work on myself, thanks for this heartening talk Diane

    • Adldiane
      Adldiane somebody00

      Posted

      You have made my day! Will you keep us posted. I'm not going any where? Diane

  • hadi13535
    hadi13535 somebody00

    Posted

    Hey bro , i feel u man , im like you i cant remember simple things .. And this make me very very very sad .. Sometimes i feel im useless .. 😞😞

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