i want to die

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i want to die but the only thing that worries me is my family . they know nothing what i am going through its been 8 years i am fighting with myslf .when i was 17 i used to think i will get better and everything will get better with time but its getting worse i am 24 now and still im alone i hav no friends nobody wants to b friends with me in college i had no friends in uni i couldnt make any friends im ok being alone i dont want anyone but my brain my thoughts some1 inside me tells me to kill myslf . i cry i cant sleep i cant eat i cant even move sometimes . i pray to God i read Bible that He will help me but may b He is angry with me I must hav done something wrong . This is my punishment to be like this. i hav this pain inside me its so powerful. i normally hurt myslf but i dnt feel any physical pain but this pain inside me i dont knw what it is . it is not visible but it kills me i never shared my feelings with anyone because they say i am might seeking attentiion i dnt want anyone attention i just want That God heal my brain Me . and if this is my punishment then take my life and give to som1 who needs it cox there are people who want to live but are dieing

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  • Posted

    Hi saman04765

    You are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts we strongly recommend you to speak to someone. The Samaritan offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what your are going through.

    They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet > https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you need

    Please do reach out - the team at the Samaritans, and the other people in our leaflet, will understand exactly what you're going through and will be able to help

    Kindest Regards

    Patient

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  • Posted

    Hey Saman

    If you want to talk PM me. I'm like you I feel the same way. God is not punishing you. It's our depression making us feel this way. It kills us inside. The only difference we have is I didnt pay attention to people who wanted to talk to me. I wanted to be left alone. I'm 24 years old too. I have battled with this for 7 years.  (Depression)But since I was 4 years old I wanted to die. Dont commit suicide. Think about your family. Suicide only passes the pain to them. Get help please. Urgently. Do it for yourself most importantly. Dont harm yourself. You're not alone millions of us battle with the same issues. 🙌I hope you get better and NEVER give up. Stand back up its your life don't let the depression win. When depressed you're at a vulnerable place you might listen to the bad thoughts. But don't do it. It WILL get better. Time heals. I felt like you. I was on the brink I didn't do it but two days passed by and guess what? My family came to visit me and we were having a good time and laughing. I wouldn't of had that happy moment with them if I had killed myself. Please don't do it. I'm here if you need me. I can be your friend if you want too or if you need to talk.🙌

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  • Posted

    Hey Saman

    I feel exactly the same way. I believe in God too. He can help us but you also need other help. Therapy. What you are describing is depression. God is not punishing you. God doesn't punish us. He loves us. The depression is whats harming you. I'm 24 too. I have been in my house for 7 years because of my depression and Agoraphobia. I feel lost too. I've never had friends but it's because I ignored people who wanted to talk to me. I just wanted to be alone. That's what I thought because of my Social Phobia, GAD, Social Anxiety. The truth is I did want friends. But when I had them they turned out to be bad influences I didn't agree with them. I don't drink beer or do drugs. So I preferred to stay alone than be with bad company. Sometimes it's better that way. If you need friends try to get nice people like you are. Get help first. Please get therapy urgently. I was like you too. I thought about ending it but I didn't two days passed by my family came and we were talking and laughing. See what happened. I'm glad I didn't go through with it at the end. When we sink so low like in Depression. We think about it we actually think we want to do it. But our mind is lying to us we are at a vulnerable place. Dont do it. Suicide only passes the pain to someone else. Your family. Think about them please.  Get better for them and most importantly for you. You deserve to come out of that darkness that is depression.👍smile🙌

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  • Posted

    Hi Saman.I'm 54 and understand how you feel.I've been going thru some hard times for about 9 months a they put me on some meds for my IBS/anxiety/depression while also weaning me off an old on.I really don't know if they're helping or hurting.I talk and pray to God ALOT and I just want to be better.I usually only get about4 hours of good sleep and then anxiety kicks in for about 3-4 hours and it's hard to sleep and I say why God why?This past night I really was talking for that time to Him and He answered me even though I really couldn't tell.He gave me some ideas to carry on and help my situation but I pray He helps more sooner than latter.YOU ARE NOT BEING PUNISHED,however.God forgives us thru Jesus's atoning blood and sacrifice and we are saved by God's grace.He ill heal us!! Don't be afraid to talk to people about it.There are more of us than we know that have problems.Hang in there!! God Bless You,Bob

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    • Posted

      Hey Bob

      Sorry to interrupt I had go reply I agree with you. God does not punish us he loves us. Whats hurting us is our depression and other problems we have. I'm 24 a year ago I tried to end it all. But something happened. I don't know if I should say it but I will. A truck in front of our vehicle had a sign it read, "God loves you." Now that could be a coincidence I thought. Then I looked up in the corner of the expressway there was a BIG sign. It said, "It will get better." It's strange. I didn't do anything to myself. Two years ago I was at the hospital I took 3 bottles of pills they pumped my stomach. I thought I was going to die. They were asphyxiating me and didnt care. They thought my heart would stop my heart was racing so fast and wouldn't stop. They said, I was going to have a heart attack. I looked up closed my eyes and prayed. I knew I had made a mistake on trying to take my own life. I had seen my mother's tears she felt sad I would do something like that to her. I prayed to God to let me live and that I would not do it again. I made it. Nothing happened. I still struggle with the same issue. Last October I did it again. I was in a bad place again. Depression is very hard but we need to think that it will pass. Let another day pass those bad thoughts will go away. God bless you Bob👍I hope you get better too. 

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    • Posted

      i agree with everything u said . I am sorry for saying those words . There are people with much bigger problems and mine is nothing. thanku for understanding God bless you
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  • Posted

    Hey Saman

    I feel exactly the same. I read your post and at last I found someone who feels the same way like me. God is not punishing you. God loves you. The depression you have is causing your troubles. Please get help urgently. Dont do something against yourself. 🙌

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  • Posted

    Hi Saman - religion has so much to answer for with their god of judgement and punishment. It's just so not true. You are not being punished for anything. You have an illness that needs to be addressed. See your GP and discuss what is happening with you. An assesment needs to be made. It's all very well to pray and/or meditate, but hands on action is the realistic and mature way of dealing with your illness. In this day and age there are avenues to get help and educate oneself on our issues. Btw, death is a part of the life experience - you can't have one without the other, and we all get there in the end.

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    • Posted

      Wayne

      I agree God doesn't punish people well not here in life. Everyone knows a mental illness can be treated with therapy and medication. Respect religion. 

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    • Posted

      I think you didn't read right. My comment or the other person's comment never said God was punishing her. We said, "it was depression."Sorry you read that wrong or assumed something that's not true.

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    • Posted

      Ashley - firstly I suggest you read Samans post again. Secondly, don't order me to respect religion. I know more about it than you do - not just because I'm more than twice your age.  Thirdly, there is no punishing, angry god. That's mans invention.

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    • Posted

      See you are reading what I wrote. I said and I quote, "God does NOT punish." Whoever told Saman these is wrong. People punish each other. God is not a invention. I understand it's hard for you. You probably got triggered with my answers. I wrote ONLY one but the moderator did NOT put it so I wrote another one I was desperate to tell her to not to harm herself. I don't order people around I just said you should respect religion. I don't think Saman or me and others appreciate you being cyn!cal and a sm*rta$$ about it. You must be a Atheist. No pun intended. Age doesn't matter. I'm not a child. I know more about religion than you. 

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    • Posted

      I'm not looking for a argument the only child here is you. You started offending assuming I was ordering you something. The only thing I did was say, "respect religion." But you didn't want it to stay there. Now you insulted me. I understand you may be older twice my age. But that does not give you right to say those things to me. You see alot of older adults think they can insult and belittle the younger ones just because they're older. Older doesn't make you wiser. Yeah in some cases but some others are not. 

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    • Posted

      Dear Ashley and Wayne

      Thankyou for your support and love . i am extremely sorry if i hurt ur relgious sentiments . I was very sad while i was writing this post so i couldnt put my words right what I meant to say was that i feel guilty may b i hav done something wrong thats why im going through this pain . I am strong believer and I love God i knw He doesnt punish us He loves us. i hav faith in Him . Your replies mean alot to me and i am feeling better

      Thanku

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    • Posted

      Hi Samansmile

      You didn't hurt me dont worry. I'm glad you are okay now and don't ever think you did something wrong to deserve depression. The depression is whats hurting you. Hope you get better.

      God bless you and Take Care👍

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