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I want to help someone with depression, what can I do?

Posted , 7 users are following.

grace19965
grace19965

Hi All,

Me and my boyfriend of 3 years recentley broke up, neither of us wanted it but for the last few months I noticed he was down, all the time - could barely get himself out of bed and I tried to take him out keep him busy but it didn't seem to work. Eventually he decided he was being too much of a burden, which obviously I didn't agree with. We have spoken since and he seems to have gotten even worse. I think he may have depression, he's never been very pro-active and I'm worried he won't do anything to help himself. I wanted some advice because I want to do everything that is possible to help him through this - can anyone suggest anything?

2 likes, 24 replies

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  • syracuse
    syracuse grace19965

    Posted

    Hi Grace. Based on experience I suspect that your BF could well have been prone to low mood for some time. This may have been subdued while he was in a relationship with you but breaking up might have reopened some of his negative thought streams. It's very difficult to drag someone else out of a depressive state. I think all you can do for now is what you've been doing and also  encouraging him to get involved in activities not involving you. This might be a slow process but hopefully it will be helpful. I think at this stage any sort of clinical intervention would be premature. Good luck!
    • grace19965
      grace19965 syracuse

      Posted

      Hi,

      Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it. Yeah I think it may have stemmed from his parents split a year ago. I'm not sure how I can get him involved in activities not involving me, do you have any suggestions as to how you would do this? When we were together I'd try and take him out all the time but it seemed to had no effect, he can't pinpoint why he feels so miserable. 

  • iris46
    iris46 grace19965

    Posted

    Listen to him.....be there for him. Suggest activities like walks, a swim, a pint st the pub. He must start engaging with others. Get him out in the sunshine (when we get some). Even on a full day get out for half an hour. Get him to the docs if necessary
    • grace19965
      grace19965 iris46

      Posted

      That's what I want to do, but I feel that because we've broken up - he doesn't want to burden me with anything, which is not the case at all. Do you think I should do these things with him or contact his friends?
    • iris46
      iris46 grace19965

      Posted

      Do both....his friends could be very helpful and supportive, help him socialise, have meals out.....even a burger. If he's not up to meals, the nutritious snacks might help him
    • grace19965
      grace19965 iris46

      Posted

      okay - thank you, I will look at some days out like open cinema's and things to keep him busy
  • maria_1963
    maria_1963 grace19965

    Posted

    I have a friend's dad who has recently starting to feel depressed ( he is in his 70's ) because of recent illness and because i , last year had life changing illness which resulted in my depression getting worse so have been supporting my friend through the understanding of mental health illness as she has , had no experience of MH , it is good that you are aware of how your BF is , how his mood has been  changing , often depression is because of some event that has happened in a person's life , i do feel that he would benefit with  a trip to his GP - if possible you going with him , he doesn't have to accept AD's but other treatment like CBT could be offered - see what options his doctor could recommend , Medication could be short term to see if it could lift his mood , also the charity MIND do some very interesting , informative booklets on many MH illness - the depression one is very interesting , i got it early last year and i sent it to my friend so she could see what i was going through , how i felt some days , etc , take care and i wish you both some hope in finding a pathway to get outside of the low spirits your BF is feeling xx
    • grace19965
      grace19965 maria_1963

      Posted

      I will have to look up those booklets I think, how do you think I can approach the subject? I brought it up over a month ago, suggesting maybe he could go to the doctors but he got really defensive about it and started to push me away 
    • maria_1963
      maria_1963 grace19965

      Posted

      Yes - men can be stubborn , go on MIND facebook page and ask for the info email or their Webpage for the booklet lists as they can be downloaded , i sent off for mine and i need to go back on so i can get replacements for the ones i sent my friend , talking about depression is important , you could just say to him that you look a little low in spirits ( i say that to people when they ask me how i am as i tend to keep how i really feel just among a few close friends ) is there anything i could do to help you , it is hard for someone to give advice because you know your BF and how he might react , so maybe if you know his friends then you coulf confide in them and your concerns , there is still so much stigma where men and depression is concerned - it is not a sign of weakness for a man to feel low , etc , someone else i know eldest son took his own life a few years ago because of the recession he lost his job - that was a trigger as he loved that job and he was only early 20's , there is usually a trigger of some upset , trauma ,etc in a person's life that sets off depression and some other MH illnesses , i will try and think on how you could approach the matter x
    • grace19965
      grace19965 maria_1963

      Posted

      Yeah I will have a look now. I've said that to him before and he says 'he doesn't know what will help'. I spoke to his sister and she will try and help him too. Yeah his parents split up, I think that might have set it off as he saw them as the ideal couple. Thank you so much
    • iris46
      iris46 grace19965

      Posted

      The split up has been the cause. It's called reactive depression....he is having a perfectly normal response to a dreadful event/loss. He needs time to adjust. His GP is the first call I think.....he may or may not prescribe, but he will certainly get him to explore all avenues for help
    • grace19965
      grace19965 iris46

      Posted

      So should I leave him be for a while then? Been looking up events to take him to to take his mind off of it because he seems to be wallowing at home. Just don't know how to bring up taking him to his GP ;/ 
    • iris46
      iris46 grace19965

      Posted

      Be around for him....he knows you still care. Muster as much support for him as you can. He needs to be supported not abandoned. Do his parents know how he is...could mum help out?
    • grace19965
      grace19965 iris46

      Posted

      Okay - yeah his dad knows and sister. Thank you
    • iris46
      iris46 grace19965

      Posted

      It might come better from dad then......man to man
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