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I want to kill myself

Posted , 37 users are following.

worthless
worthless

I want to kill myself so badly. I tried earlier this year but I was prevented and given Prozac to treat my depression. For as long as I can remember, I've been suffering with ADHD, depression, anxiety, and various other mental illnesses. I have an abusive mother, and a father who lives across the country. I'm trapped. I've tried psychiatric help, medical help, every kind of help there is. Sometimes I feel better, but I always come back to wanting to die. Today I got mad at my two best friends- They went somewhere without me after saying they would let me come. They both know I have anxiety and I always get upset whenever they do things like that- but they continue to make me a third wheel. And to make matters worse, they humiliated everyone with them by showing them my texts and how upset I was. I yelled at them and they yelled back, and now I'm here with both their numbers blocked, my phone off, and looking for the easiest ways to commit suicide. I can't take this life anymore. My friends were the only happiness I had left and now they're gone. All I ever do is cause trouble for the people around me and I can't take it. I've said it before without really thinking about it; but now I'm SURE that everyone would be better off without me. After all, how can my own mother and friends be wrong when they tell me I'm an annoying, controlling, lazy, bitch? I've tried to stop- I really have. I've tried so hard, but now I'm giving up the fight. I can't take this. I need to die.

2 likes, 46 replies

46 Replies

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  • meteor63
    meteor63 worthless

    Posted

    Everything everyone has said here is right. Life feels awful for you now but please, please don't give up. We all care x 
  • black_sheep_pete
    black_sheep_pete worthless

    Posted

    I don't think this is a issue that can be managed over the internet PLEASE phone the samaritans.
  • Guest
    Guest worthless

    Posted

    Dear dear friend !

    I cant and wont call you worthless although I know that feeling very well myself and in no way would I judge you by that . You sound like you are in a very dark , desperate and lonely place . My heart bleeds for you . I can tell you have lost hope but let me hold onto hope for you .  I think you need to know that someone cares . It sounds like you have never been cared for . There are people on this site who care deeply . We  will be here for you . You need and very much deserve professional help too . Please go back to your doctor and tell him / her exactly how you feel . Maybe writing out what you have written here and giving it to them would be an idea . Please contact the Samaritans they can be really helpful or ,difficult though it may be , go up to casualty with what you have posted . Dont suffer alone With the help and support of others things will get easier x 

  • magnus40841
    magnus40841 worthless

    Posted

    sometimes it makes sense to know your own weaknesses.  your personality is shaping, and its painful, if you make it out the other side you will be a stronger more logical person.
  • james14041
    james14041 worthless

    Posted

    Hello,

    I know you probably repectes  the opinions of the poeple around you.  And the negative things they say about you are really just distraction from there own lives that they are not happy with.  So remember the people that insult you may be more mentally sick then you. If the people that bring you down were healthy people they would understand how sensitive you are and leave you alone.  But from my experience  in life people just say stupid stuff that pops in there heads.  I try to stop and think before I say too much .  Sometimes I fail and say mean things even to people I would die for. So forgive the ones you love for they are just as lost as  I am and just as lost as most of the world.  I think humans forgot how to love each other.  And money stresses us out until we all are slightly insane.

    james

     

  • worthless
    worthless

    Posted

    I am still here, and I have an update. Said friends have officially left me. For good. With a hearty "F*** you" and scornful laughter, I've been left in the dust. And the worst part is I just bought and gave them both apology gifts, hours before they left. I have been planning to end my life, and it looks like I'm where I need to be. The final shove. I have no freinds, no supportive family, and fresh slits across my wrists. I'm not here for convincing- I'm here to say goodbye. The only thing that stopped me from taking my own life when I made this post was the fact that I was still clinging to some hope that my friends would come back. But this is it. There is no hope. The only people in my life who supported me have become part of the mocking, judging, scorning crowd. And that's it. That's all I need. I'm sorry.
    • rs93556
      rs93556 worthless

      Posted

      You are clearly more emotionally developed that you former friends and family. It doesn't soundlike they deserve the importance you have bestowed upon them. Try to rise above their cruelty and insensitivity, and instead focus on yourself, and finding a way to improve your life. Try to find another outlet for your feelings that doesn't depend on other human beings but instead makes you stronger and more in control.
    • eli_bird
      eli_bird worthless

      Posted

      Gosh people are so mean ,I cant get close to people anymore because of betrayl by friends in past so i dont really want friends as they cant be trusted what i want is a big hug someone showing they really guenuinly care about me and since my husband has just comitted adultry thats not going to happen ,he hasnt come home now and im just planning my suicide but it wont be tonight i want him to see what he makes me laugh listening to him with his constant lies so he can go meet her i cant tell my friends because the answer i will get was i told you so .im saving myself the humiliation of that,i know if i had a guenuine hug right now these thoughts would go away having someone here who really cares,i keep trying to delay this in hope something will come along im in a different country on my own so that dosnt help 
  • james14041
    james14041 worthless

    Posted

    Hello,

    I would love to show you a different world.  A world that is all around you but people in your life seem to hide of from you .   Love and kind people are everywhere.   I meet them everyday ,  my work forces me to meet and talk to strangers all the time.   I wish I had more time in life to develop more lasting and great friends.   You seem to be a very passionate and serious person.  Your someone that can use these powerful emotions to bring some change to this world.  Your insight and wisdom could help so many people.  New people that have similar pain can really benefit from your knowledge.  Help change the world one person at a time.  My goal is the fight back against this world bring back joy and positive energy.  Need so much help to realise my dream to make the world a place I like to live in.  We are so close hope light will force away the dark. Much love

    James 

    • eli_bird
      eli_bird james14041

      Posted

      The best answer i have read ,just so sick of people saying phone Samaritans you seem a good person with good thoughts and worthless and i would make a good team as we would really understand people,I know the Samaritans do do a good job so i dont want to knock them as they do help people but im afraid in mine and worthless case it not going to work it may do for that one night but the suicide thought will only come back another day your suggestion seems more hope shame you not available to talk to or have as a friend but thank you for your words of wisdom
  • barry0070
    barry0070 worthless

    Posted

    Hi, nobody is worthless. I am going through hell at the moment doc put my venlafaxine up to 150mg and 80mg of propanapol due to 75mg of V not working.

    have you ever suffered not recognising people and yourelf in the mirror, or the world isnt quiet real or am I alone

     

  • Dog_DarkOwl
    Dog_DarkOwl worthless

    Posted

    hi worthless im sorry you think that is what you are but i dont think you are noone is but life is worthlessits just life is very complicated and cruel somtimes and people can be too and it can make you feel worthless and not want to live in such a cruel world and somtimes make you feel very alone but trust me when i say you are not when you pretty much live online as i do you realise theres a world of people out there going though life with similar and worse problems than us im not saying this will make it easyer for you there are people you can talk to type to who understand and theres a world full of friends out there just waiting to meet you

    there are also lots of people who will be mean and haters and those who will try to annoiy you but online there is one awsome feature you cant do in real life (and im sure many people wish you could :P ) you can close block turn them off ban them boot them mute them and so on

    you can be more yourself look for a site called no more panic _____

    i also go to second life quite alot cause you can meet some cool people on there too and somtimes tiny chat.

    i see this post is from 2 months ago so i really hope you havent hurt yourself please dont i been there and i know somtimes nothing anyone says makes you feel better but you are 15 you have whole life ahead of you with some awsome things yet to expirience there will be rough patches everyone has them but its like the weather and no matter how much it seems that way it cant rain all the time

    you will make new friends fall in love get drunk dance sing do and say funny and silly things laugh till you you think your sides will bust watch movies that will make you laugh and cry there will be times you will find wonder and amazment in the simplest things and marvel at the complicated

    maybe you will have children or get a kitten or a puppy and expirience the love they bring even when they crap in your shoes or chew your furniture and thats just the kids :P

    and if what your taking now isnt working for you plz tell somone there is so much out there you can try alot of it you can read about on no more panic theres a chat room and a forum too

    i wish you love and happyness in the future please dont go you are not worthless somone some where needs you love and hugs from Dog ^^

    Patient Moderator Note: I have removed an URL (a link) from this reply as it was unsuitable for inclusion within these forums. If any user is interested in this removed information they should contact the author via the Private Messaging system requesting such. Thank you for your cooperation.

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    • eli_bird
      eli_bird Dog_DarkOwl

      Posted

      at least you took time to write a lot of information lincs etc instead of the norm Phone Samaritans routine your advice is very helpful to people like us ,i think it seems like time for reaching your inner self and fighting back

      people are always going to be cruel so better off without the fake friends and find someone like yourself who really care instead of wasting energy on fake friends anyway .Gosh im really trying to reach my innerself as i dont really want to die but just cant seem to have any other reasons why i should live at this moment when the only person ive ever loved has just cheated on me ,i cant even cry just total disbeleif he knows how much ive suffered and lost and given up all my friends and family to be with him and this is what i get or maybe ive driven him to it by being so posessive because i have no one else this is prob the truth ,all i can say is if peaple would heve left us alone instead for five years have persicuted our relationship and put a huge strain on it ,left alone we would have been happy and i wouldnt been writing this 

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