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I want to kill myself

Posted , 37 users are following.

worthless
worthless

I want to kill myself so badly. I tried earlier this year but I was prevented and given Prozac to treat my depression. For as long as I can remember, I've been suffering with ADHD, depression, anxiety, and various other mental illnesses. I have an abusive mother, and a father who lives across the country. I'm trapped. I've tried psychiatric help, medical help, every kind of help there is. Sometimes I feel better, but I always come back to wanting to die. Today I got mad at my two best friends- They went somewhere without me after saying they would let me come. They both know I have anxiety and I always get upset whenever they do things like that- but they continue to make me a third wheel. And to make matters worse, they humiliated everyone with them by showing them my texts and how upset I was. I yelled at them and they yelled back, and now I'm here with both their numbers blocked, my phone off, and looking for the easiest ways to commit suicide. I can't take this life anymore. My friends were the only happiness I had left and now they're gone. All I ever do is cause trouble for the people around me and I can't take it. I've said it before without really thinking about it; but now I'm SURE that everyone would be better off without me. After all, how can my own mother and friends be wrong when they tell me I'm an annoying, controlling, lazy, bitch? I've tried to stop- I really have. I've tried so hard, but now I'm giving up the fight. I can't take this. I need to die.

2 likes, 46 replies

46 Replies

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  • eli_bird
    eli_bird worthless

    Posted

    Gosh worthless what can we do ,i wish you where here in person we woukd comfort each other as we are feeling same so we understand
  • scrumpysue
    scrumpysue worthless

    Posted

    Are you still there? I totally understand you. I'm bipolar but undiagnosed as my doc  is not trained to recognise the symptoms.  He says I'm depressed! I want to kills myself and I have a husband and children.  But like you I am dealing with exclusion at work. And i can't cope with it.
  • kara28886
    kara28886 worthless

    Posted

    Oh 'worthless, worthless' do you not know that sadly the majority of the hurt people who kill their own lives, are the people who we most want to keep on this planet? Their sensitivity, openness,  and clear interest in love, are the very qualities that we would cherish!! If you are still with us, then do the world a great favour, and do NOT leave it....PLEASE   wink

    PS.  change that undeserved title you have chosen for yourself....

    I look forward to seeing your next post (renamed as something positive xx

  • keleee
    keleee worthless

    Posted

    Hey Worthless,

    I am old now but I still have major depression since I was 13. That was so long ago and I felt the same way you do or did. Depression runs in my family and the one thing that helped me the most was the advent of SSRI's or the new anti-depressants that gave me my life back. It is almost a miracle how these new drugs lift depression and have less side effects. I'm 50 now but I will need them the rest of my life and I'm ok with that because I feel so much better. My son is also on them or he doesn't function very well. Ask your doctor about SSRI's for major depression because they really do make life worth living. I'm so happy none of my suicide attempts worked because I would have missed out on a good life I didn't even know I was going to have and on my son who is a great kid.

  • Geeee
    Geeee worthless

    Posted

    You posted this a while back I hope that you are okay now please reply 
  • raynedurand
    raynedurand worthless

    Posted

    I would never tell you I know how you feel because I am not you. I myself have tried to find an end to my pain the only way I know how. I can't find a reason not to do it. I'm 36 years old and my ex has taken my kids and I don't know where other than the state of Ok I'm in florida with my parents because even if I find a job I get garnished for child support about 150 a week. I have no friends no car no drivers licence and no top teeth and thats why I am alone women seem to find me ulgy and so do i
    • r32877
      r32877 raynedurand

      Posted

      I'm very sorry about your situation. Maybe you can get help from the government? Try and get married again. There is someone out there who loves you for who you are. Find them. Also, try going to college again so you can get a well paying job. After that you can take a relaxing vacation somewhere and realize that killing yourself was a stupid thing to even think of. Never give up, especially on life. Life is a gift.
  • UNLOVED
    UNLOVED worthless

    Posted

    Hi there I know this is 10 month ago but I hope you are well. To be honest I have the same feelings as you. I am tired with my life, I am the unloved. I love someone very much but today he don't love me like used to be. He found someone to replaced me. I am so sad. Many time I am thinking try to kill myself but I don't have the heart to leave  another person which is I love too much as well.
  • UNLOVED
    UNLOVED worthless

    Posted

    My mother passed away when I was 5 month and my father passed away when I was 5 years old. Since thn I stay with my grandparents until I 13 years old. I start live by my self since when I was 13.  I missed my fother very very very much until to this day.  I don't have a family like other people. 
  • MRcountry
    MRcountry worthless

    Posted

    thats the trouble not body unerstands i have only one friend and he understands because he gets where im coming from.

    i would never stop anybody ending it all i have thouht about it but havent the guts and i do try every day to find a postitve its hard and im on the floor of life but tomorrow will be another day i come from a so called loving family but cant find any days that where good .and now they have disowned me .i don't understand you friends why would they do this to you. there is always some one who will help you i live in Nottingham and go walking on my own with my music and this helps me so my darkest days hope this helps and i wish i could take away the pain Andrew xxxxxxx

  • areejgh
    areejgh worthless

    Posted

    Dear ..... !

    * You must conect with nature

    * maybe you have to practice sports alot or yoga and meditation

    * Help poor ppl or poor kids in your school , you will feel happy 

    wut about painting ? practice any type of arts or play any kinds of music 

    life is good and you dont need someone they dont need you or selfish and bad  friendsm look at ppl in middle east they killed every houres and no body cares ,maybe you have alot of things ppl wished they have it .

    change your life dear . god bless you , i wish you all the best .

    with love 

  • Whatever1972
    Whatever1972 worthless

    Posted

    I know how you are feeling. I am a 43 year old female I was sexually abused as a child. I am divorced but on my second marriage. All I do is push everyone away. Start stupid arguments and inside I am screaming stop to myself but I don't. I have good days and when I think I am doing better I end up hitting things trying to bust my head open or break my hand. I have thrown myself downstairs tried to slit my wrists but my husband stopped me. I have talked to professionals all they want to do is medicate me so I stop going. It's like everyone is to busy and doctors just want money. I was told I have PTSD from abuse as a child and my husband now loves me but I am trying to push him away to. My real dad has nothing to do with me and my mom talks to me when she needs something. My boys just don't understand why I am how I am I ont even know why I'm talking on here. Guess it's my last ditch effort at seeing why I continue to breath.
  • r32877
    r32877 worthless

    Posted

    You don't need to die. Think about all the things you want to achieve in life (going on a vacation somewhere, getting a specific job, starting a charity, making money, etc). Write all of these things down. Read over the list a few times and just think about all the good things in life. Look up beautiful pictures of foreign countries and imagine going there when you're older and have a good job. Imagine how fun it would be. Always think positive. It's hard, but try. If your mom gets abusive again, call the police when she's not around. I'm sure the police can help you find a nice place to stay. A nice, happy home. For now, just think of everything good and innocent in life and stay. Please stay alive. You can't come back after death. Stay and enjoy the pleasures life will eventually give you.
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