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I wish I was dead. Tired of living.

Posted , 211 users are following.

jahnssteve
jahnssteve

I really don't want to live anymore.  I'm alone but do have some friends.  Have a grown daughter that has a busy life and no time for me.  I think people would be sad and miss me, but not terribly.  They'll get over it.  I recently had major surgery and it went well.  Not life threatening.  Yet I am so very sad and just don't want to continue.  I have no reason to be be depressed but I am and I just don't want to face another day.  I was seeing a therapist until 2 weeks ago when he released me.  I'm very good at hiding my true feelings from everyone.  If you so me at work or with friends you'd think I was a happy go-lucky person.  It's all a front.

I'm not looking forward to anything.  I just want to die.   I'm not in danger of hurting myself, I just want to be dead.  I'm so tired.  So tired of living.

36 likes, 302 replies

302 Replies

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  • lattifa7777
    lattifa7777 jahnssteve

    Edited

    you don't have to have a reason to suffer with depression! it's an illness that can happen to anyone out there I know this is a fact.

    I know how you feel , you feel empty inside and like nothing is even worth the effort anymore.

    it truly is the worst feeling ever in the world.

    can I ask you are you on meds? and if so for ?

    I'm sure you don't really want to die I think really you want to stop feeling like you want to die.

    you can get through this, you need to talk and let your feelings out like you have done today, it helps a great deal we are all here for you, plz try and perhaps do some colouring or walking . I don't know if you prefer to be at home alone or out with people. I like to be around people when I feel this bad and walking helps me a lot or watching my favorite comedy shows . you need to think of you and you only for now.

    you will get better you won't feel like this forever, soon you will love life again, that's what we learn from being through depression, we learn to appreciate life and living and all the small things in life that most people take for granted.

    I don't know if you belive in God, but only God can change things in an instant , but you have to turn to him and ask.

    great big hugs to you, God bless and keep me posted on how you are doing.and for now keep talking on here. xx

    • jahnssteve
      jahnssteve lattifa7777

      Edited

      Thank you for your kind words but honestly, I don't remember ever loving life.  I do believe in God but just want to be done with it all.  I've been walking, etc for years.  I'm tired of it.  I don't want to pretend anymore.
    • jahnssteve
      jahnssteve lattifa7777

      Posted

      Oh, you asked me about meds.  I only take meds for hypertensiona and a blood thinner.  I've asked for an antidepressant and the doctor refused.
    • spring34293
      spring34293 jahnssteve

      Edited

      I know exactly how you feel. You feel invisible to everyone. They may talk to you but they don't see you. Loneliness all the time you don't know what or how to feel differently. This has followed you like a shadow all of your life.

       

    • everett80629
      everett80629 jahnssteve

      Posted

      Do not take "ATIVAN", FOR THAT MATTER, AVOID ALL BENZODAIZAPENES. --And next among meds where the side-effects are horrifying  are Anti-psychotics.  These meds take away all emotional context you have, like normal well people. Benzo's and Anti-psychotics will turn you into a zombie. Yeah, I'm serious, been there ,done that/........................ almost didn't make it back to reality. 

    • PatientBoy
      PatientBoy lattifa7777

      Edited

      Hey

      Thank you for your reply to jahnssteve. I came to be reading that post through experiencing repeated bouts of severe depression throughout my life, and although your reply was not directly to me, I felt really lifted by it. Just being heard, understood and accepted helps me hugely, as for me, depression had me feeling completely alienated, and everyone out there in the crazy world, looks like they have totally different life experiences to mine. So thank you again forhelping break the spell by relating.

    • Knightraid82
      Knightraid82 lattifa7777

      Edited

      Hi I'm not on Medication but i do thank about death everyday and i don't help when your boss listen to other employees then jump your ass and when they are around you they want to be tooth faces and that make me not even care if i live or die i have try before and it just a matter of time before they push me over the edge and I finish what i started with my wrist

    • wayne65727
      wayne65727 spring34293

      Edited

      Exactly how i feel. No one really knows the "darkness" inside. I feel like a lost soul (if there is such a thing) just wandering through life. WTF is the point?

    • maria79767
      maria79767 wayne65727

      Posted

      i ask this all the time! what is the point?

      i have two teenage children and they struggle so much with different problems and i feel guilty for bringing them into this world. life is so hard

    • lilith64866
      lilith64866 wayne65727

      Posted

      no, no one knows, because i dont think they want to know. i was dating this guy for 3 months, he just barely says hi to me anymore. i should delete his number, but i hang onto it like its my lifeline. im so alone amd lost and have no one 😢

  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 jahnssteve

    Posted

    You sound lonely and it is hard when kids grow up and do not realise parents need love too. Almost unfair really. I empathize with that aspect of what you are saying. I wonder myself what to do as i age and hope maybe a retirement community or something. Everything is so costly. This new world ignores their elderly, or almost elderly community. They dont realise it, i bet if you lived in a place where there were other people in the same life stage it wouldnt feel so bleak. Death isnt the answer. It might seem like a answer or an out but who even knows about afterlifes. Praying it is wonderful and all that but not a place you get to choose to go on your own accord. Maybe give the doctor a call back or get a new one to speak with. Part might be depression but i feel like its lonliness. Not everyone is all outgoing and energetic to be all happy or self sufficent as they age. They should have some kind of groups or something for the ones between grown children and elderly because many feel the same as you. Sad in this world a pill is suppose to be the answer, pills do not cure loneliness. Pills can help depression though. Sending you a huge hug.
  • linda66990
    linda66990 jahnssteve

    Posted

    Have you had your thyroid checked?  Hypothyroid can cause depression.  TSH should be 1-2, if it's higher you could be hypothyroid.  I'm speaking from experience. I think you are wrong about your daughter missing you.  I had a friend commit suicide last April and it was devastating to me and many others. It came as a shock and I keep thinking there was something I should've said to ease her pain. I felt like you at one time and was in so much pain that I just didn't want to be here, but now I wonder how I got that down.  I tried a low dose of Prozac (5 mg) and it helped get me other the hump. You should go see your doctor again and ask for something.  I'm surprised that he/she didn't give it to you. They push it here (in the US).  Maybe, as you say you don't appear depressed.  You could put it in writing to make them understand. All the best.
  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 jahnssteve

    Edited

    Hi lovey...I do so so feel for you.....

    Today telephone ...the Samaritans...they are amazing...

    Also

    phone ...a mental health problem line ...also for excellent help and instant advice call the NHS HELPLINE 111 ...they are amazing....I called them a few months ago...while I was still on the phone to them an ambulance arrived....

    I have overdosed twice...the staff are amazing at A AND E...but it really is not much fun...

    Please. please lovey phone all three this morning ...they truly can help....you will be in my THOUGHTS and PRAYERS....also my heart....big warm sincere hugs ...Dee xx xxx 😘💜😘

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