I wish I was dead. Tired of living.

If you just want to die but won't do anything then that is a starting point.   You need to concentrate on therapy and working on yourself and it will take time you know.  But you have nothing to lose do you?  

Depression is a random illness and can strike anyone you know.  It isn't choosy and even those with self confessed great lives can get it.    Change is integral to life and changing how you think and feel will come if you are patient.   There is no point in hiding your feelings so seek more therapy and tell them this is what you do.   They will have heard this loads of times you know and will help you learn to be honest and open with them. 

I won't lie to you - it won't happen tomorrow but it will happen if you put your energies into it.   x

I must admit, if I ever had cancer, I would really way up the benefits of treatment (slash, burn & poison - surgery, chemo & pills) against the pitfalls and as you say, if you last 5 or more years, then you have survived according to the medical profession. But at what quality of life.

I had a massive stroke a couple of years ago and that really changed my outlook on life. I recovered almost fully, but I caught a glimpse of what it might be like, when I was in hospital for two months if I hadn't have recovered.

The 'hang in there thing', is because they do not understand. When I was recovering at home from my stroke (I live in a village) I got heartly sick of people coming up to me with a smile on their face saying 'how are you'.

Not bloody well, how would you feel if you were in my position, was the thought.

I presume that the chemo and radiation will stop soon?   I figure the idea is to shrink the tumour enough to give you remission at least for a while.  If this is the case then hopefully you will feel quite a lot better and maybe for a few years?   I know a maximum of 25% of people live for 5 years or longer but maybe you will be one of those?   The odds are against you I admit but you never know.  

I have a friend who was diagnosed with terminal non hodginsons lymphoma who after treatment is still going strong 7 years on.  I didn't know what to say to her but did ask her how she wanted to be treated.  She said immediately to  please to treat her like normal as that's what she wanted.  Maybe you could have a word with family and friends and ask for that too?  

Wishing you all the best.  xx

Yeah me too. It's sad how others struggle to live (cancer patients) and others (us) want to die. I would like to die but if only it can look like an accident so I won't feel guilty about having done that to my family. Especially to my mother. People die of accidents all the time. I wish I would I'm tired of breathing. I need help so I can die.

I have thought that so many times, because I know I couldn't commit suicide because of those left behind. I just don't see the point in anything anymore, because even if I appreciate the beauty of the Earth it makes me think even more well what's the point, like why have the juxtapose of nature with all the suffering and unhappiness and the knowledge of inevitable death. I am in the UK and have been on anti depressants before but im not even sure if they worked to be honest. I am thinking about taking them again but is it just like a placebo effect? Im so sick of feeling this way,I just wish I could be like 15 again, or 5, just a time where there was no realisation of the world. I wish I had someone to talk to who understood me, not a doctor because all they can do is empathise they can't really understand, just as when someone with a physical pain comes to them, they can only imagine what the pain feels like and try to treat them accordingly. Finally, I feel so selfish for feeling this way when so many young people die in awful accidents, and they loved life and had so much going for them. It's weird who lives and who dies and why.