I wish I was dead. Tired of living.

Make time for you. Mental health is based on free thinking, but is grounded on spiritual principals.

Hey im not a professional and I can't give you that kind of advice. What I can tell you is I feel your pain I feel very much like you do. My situation is similar. I had open heart surgery about a year ago and suffered the worse depression i ever had but it did get better. I'm not sure how long ago your surgery was but it might be part of the issue.

I as well feel like I haven't had the greatest life. Trust me its been challenging and I am struggling at the present. I just retired so yippee right ? Not exactly because 2 weeks before my retirement my partner decided she didn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore. We just built our dream home. She was my life. We moved to be close to her family and I hardly know anyone around here. I have few friends and my kids live far away . I have struggled with happiness my entire life and thought I had finally found it only to find myself very alone. It's a long story but what I wanted you to know is you need to stop putting up the brave face in front of others. Call your therapist back and level with him. Don't hide your feelings cry if you feel like it. It's ok. Don't give up. I seriously feel your pain. I do understand and I know the awful

feelings your having. If what you have been doing like hiding your feelings is not working then you need a new approach.

Please give it a try. Call him or if he's not for you find another.

how are you doing now? i currently feel exactly the same x

I understand your feelings. I wish I had answers for you.

Meds do help some people. We are all different. I've started new meds and they help me. The benefits outweigh the side effects. Therapy helps me. Exercise helps also, but I lack motivation when depression is intense.

Sending good vibes and genuine care your way.

I totally understand. I agree with you. I feel the same way. I wish I was never born. If I had one wish to make, that would be it. What is this world all about anyway ? Absolutely nothing. Our lives are in vain. They are meaningless. We are dragged here, forced into the cruelty of the world. We think life is good when young, but once you start reaching the age of closer to death, the whole life thing seems fruitless. We come here, we are forced to do most things, then we die. What was that all about ? Even if we make any difference at all, (which 99% of us don't), it doesn't really matter after we are dead. We appreciate our loved ones , just to be yanked out of their lives by death, to never ever see them again. Why get close to anyone ? The living really don't miss the dead. Not really. What did we suffer all this pain, humiliation, pain and suffering for ? Absolutely nothing. We did this for absolutely nothing. Zero. Why do we keep bringing kids here.? Sure, it gives the parents a feeling of purpose, but it is short lived, and now the person you dragged here has to face all the pain and suffering you are having. Nice of you. You dont have kids for them and their lives, it is all for YOU and your need to feel a purpose. Its BS. Life sucks and then you die , are the truest words ever spoken. It breaks it down to what it is.

Me too

I know how you feel, jahnssteve. I'm a Christian but don't want to be here since my husband, after seven years of marriage, (three years ago) announced he didn't want to be married anymore. He pressed for a divorce I didn't/don't want. I miss him and my extended family who don't really bother with me - they're a big, happy family, growing by the year. I have my brother and two cousins - brother has drink problem and depression, despite having his own business, and one cousin is 72 with health issues and both can be a worry. I get on well with brother's wife. My other cousin who reconnected to me is good to me but is happily married, both retired at 55 and have three grown up, successful boys who keep them busy but I'm grateful for the reconnection.

Niece (from brother's previous marriage) doesn't speak to me - I got upset once as she decided she was a 'they' and got rid of her first two names which were named after me and my Mom and changed it to a male name - prior to that, she ditched the part of her doubled-barrelled surname which was our family name.

I just miss my husband so much. Everything changes when your other half leaves - no longer invited out with couples who were mutual friends, in the village especially. They don't even ask how I am.

It hurt when I went to hubby's sister's house and she and her husband had taken down any photos. of me/us - it was like I was deleted.

I miss everything from lying on sofa with my feet on his lap to being home or walking thro' the door to our hellos and banter to planning an impromptu weekend away. I was fiercely independent when we met but I've changed and can't change back.

I've one or two single friends but I always have to drive to them. And actually, we don't have loads in common like with my other friends but who are married.

There's more to why husband left - three years into our marriage, I caught him cheating and it had started nine months before we married, I found out. He moved out for four months but I took him back but then I was the problem as after a drink sometimes, I'd have a go at him - I did this for three years and I absolutely HATE MYSELF for it as he was truly remorseful - I just couldn't let go of the anger for too long. I have now, of course but it's too late for me.

It took me until 33 to meet him - not had a serious relationship before. We married when I was 42. Wish I'd had a child with him as it would've stopped the affair with having a new baby, and it would've made me relevant to his family.

I don't fall in love easily and won't again. It's a scary place to be when you don't want to be on your own but also don't want anyone else touching even your arm, let alone 'anything else'.

Two nights ago, I couldn't sleep as my heart was pounding so much with anxiety but the thing that took my heart rate right down was - thinking that I and my cat could just go to sleep and not wake until Christ returns - and that it wasn't impossible that could happen - I just pray hard that God will let it be. That said, I do pray for restoration of our marriage.

I've been in and out of short term contract jobs for over three years - only liking previous one (of six weeks) and current one - but I've so little to do despite asking for more - I don't feel useful. Hoping they'll keep me on though as it's utterly exhausting having to keep preparing for interviews, selling myself and getting used to another office. I'm emotionally exhausted and have no enthusiasm..

I am lost in my personal life and in my work life. I don't belong anywhere.

My husband is happy as Larry - he'll be moving to live in a lodge in Devon - a dream and an idea he took from my family - my parents and a number of our family were going to move to Devon years ago then my Dad died (when I six) - husband knows this. My brother is trying desperately to sell his business so he and his wife can live our parents' dream and move there - husband knows this also - but he is struggling to sell it. My brother and his wife bought a holiday lodge in Devon (which holiday makers use) so husband has said he got the lodge idea from my brother. Husband always gets what he wants and more. And I'm just left, broken-hearted.

I hate waking in the morning - it's the worst time. Best time is bed/sleep - except when I have dreams that husband and I are back together - very, very real ones: last week I dreamt about us back together, then dreamt that I woke and it was still real - we were together - that happened 2-3 times - then I really woke up and I couldn't believe they were dreams - my stomach just churned. I feel so tormented. I pray also for dreamless sleep.

We all have a purpose in life but don't understand why Father God doesn't allow so many of us to find it. Why has God never wanted me to be happy with anyone?

I don't need more friends and I don't need frigging singles (overpriced) holidays. I don't need any more 'talk therapy' and so-called hypnotherapy - have spent pounds and pounds and time on it. I need my husband back who I made a promise to in front of Father God...

I keep praying.

its just a thought. But it may be the residual anesthetic that is making you feel so down. I'm sorry you are feeling so sad. I think I understand. x