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for 3 1/2 years my life was on the floor and i was paralyzed with accute anxiety and had complex body reactions, this also affected every aspect of my already chronic health issues.
My life was in the pits and i lived under a very dark cloud that meant there was no difference between day and night for me, it was all dark and all so hopeless, there was little to look forwqard too and no reason for me to be alive, when we are depressed ,sad , and with anxiety we become misunderstood by those we love , family , freinds and this becomes a major drving tool to drive us into a world of isolation and furthers the distress, the professionals even leave us at times in great distress by the way they treat our symtoms and if your anything like me and have attempted to take your life even then no one seemed to really care or want to hug me.
The isolation that comes with anxiety is chronic and i found in my situation the phone stopped ringing, there were no more freinds calling me or visiting my home.
Every day was another day in hell .
But then i fell into the arms of this FORUM and found others like you who were strangely freinds and an alternative family to me.
You lifted me up slowly out of my hell, i was able to after a little time able to get up off the floor , slowly but surely you brought me to my knees and then i was able to stand, my mind and head still remained dizzy and often i would feel like i was going to fall back down but no the relief i got from entering this FORUM was like coming home to me, i was finding me in many of you in here, our lives were very simular living with an illness so debilitating and cruel.
Today it is 6 months later, and I cannot express my sincere joy and gratefullness to those in here -they know who they are who showed me a better way to live , a healthier way to move forward, you showed me how to walk across the mountains and to capture the whole meaning of my life again.
You in fact showed me the road to finding me again.
Today I can honestly say I do feel alive, i am still with anxiety from time to time but nothing like i was living with for 3 years long.
I have found a reason for living, i am stronger than ever and able to have a greater compassion and understanding of those around me who are in emotional pain , i am able to smile again and even laugh too.
I am actively moving forward in a productive way that will line my future and assure me that this time round I will make an impact on others a posative impact that will not be anything like where i have been.
I am planning to bring those gifts that i have with me since being a child are something that I can finally put into practice and use this time in my life where i can open up and set new goals, to have vision and real clarity of mind as to what i want from my future.
I am 54 yrs old now , the years have gone by as there were other periods in my past where i lost weeks, months and years out of my precious life due to the distruption of mental health.
I have come from a life where i would say @i cant and @i wont @ to a whole new world where i am now saying @I Can AND I WILL.
the future looks brighter so much brighter.
Why am i writing all this today and now.. its to encourage others that have found thier way into this FORUM to really emphasize if it can happen for me it can really also happen to you too.
Things can change, and will always change its up to me how i am going to have that change empower my life.
I am not a victim, I was just so full of sadness, through greif and abandonment, today i am able to let go of my past and every change and every thing for me is all about the now.
Be encouraged that you are in the right place and here for a reason.
I hope you as I have done find your way and to enjoy the recovery you have now you have made the first major step in identifying what the problem is.
You are HOME here and take it easy on yourself and expect great things to start to happen as you slowly begin to move forward.
Inch by Inch it is a sinch - yard ny yard is so hard.
So be patient on this journey and you too will come through all that dark clouds that make our lives compecated and with fear.
I did it and you can do it too.
HUGS, Love and great Joy
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