In the gutter , feeling Rock Bottom.. !

Posted , 15 users are following.

Hi Ladies, 

Well, it's been about 4 yrs since i last posted, i've struggled with this damn disease & i have to say, i feel totally beaten by it. I've tried to do everything to help myself, changed my diet, lost weight, got stuck into exercise (which actually irratated the situation, making it worse) I'm no further forward with LS what so ever.

My partner of 17 years walked out back in March, we were in the situation it was impossible to have a sexual realtionship, I became so low i had absolutely nothing positive to say about anything or anyone, basically LS has turned me into a total Monster & not only taken over my life, but it's ruined it.

My partner was ok about the intimate side of things, it was me that was struggling with it, We had a very healthy "bedroom" life, But over the years it has dissapeared to a big fat Zilch...OOOOO ! LS has made me very bitter & angry & like i already said has now created a Monster !.

I've given up going to my GP, as i've been told, nothing more can be done for me, So....when your'e totally on your knees in the gutter, where do you go from there ??

I have literally lost my complete world & have utterly given up, Because i've become such a Monster ( & i mean an evil one at that), My family have cut me off, my friends have turned there backs on me & then after 17 wonderful years, My partner tells me he's had enough & can't cope with my atitude & my sense of loss of myself.

So, maybe i just needed to "vent" for a while, i'm sure their are other people who relate to my sense of loss, That my undercarrigde has long departed, Vulvar has now totally gone, anal area is constantly tearing & sore, surely, have they found a miracel cure for us all since i last posted.

Have a fab day one & all smile 

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26 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey girl, pick yourself out of the gutter.  I have some advice that I sure helped me and hope it will help you as well.  First of all get rid of your Gyno, there are things you can do.  Go to the laundry section of your food store, pick up a box of 20 mule team Borax and an 8 oz. plastic spray bottle.  Fill up a glass one cup measuring cup and boil, add 2 leval cups of Borax in and stir till clear.  Cool and pour into spray bottle.  Spray each time after you use the bathroom.  Go to the drugstore and get Cetaphil or CeraVee medicated ointment, over the counter, and use after each spray.  I'm 80 so I am on a vaginal estrogen cream as well.  Keep the area moist with the cream, its a bit like vasoline so not too much, it doesn't stain.  Keep working at it till the monster is gone.  We only have one life and there are so many other things that  can make you happy and free, a good attitude helps you and those around you.  Keep busy and you will be fine.  Lots of good wishes to you, it isn't the end it's the beginning.  God bless.

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  • Posted

    I am so sorry you are suffering so much. I am at the beginning of my journey with LS, I have not been in a relationship for years, so I have never had that problem. I am still trying to get my head around it all. I wish you well and I hope you feel better about yourself soon. Take Care x
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  • Posted

    Hello there,

    I'm sorry you're feeling low.  I hope you can find what you need from either counseling or medical care.  Question-are you using a steroid ointment?  If not, what were you prescribed?   I think you need to have a medical provider that can help you with a treatment plan.

    You have my support.  I have some of the same problems you have.  We can find happiness and peace regardless.  We'll keep trying.  Be kind to yourself and to others.

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  • Posted

    When I first was diagnosed with LS my doctor offered some form of mental counseling.  So it is apparently known that this disease can play havoc with your mental well being.  As you have experienced and for which you have paid a high price already. 

    ?Four years ago I didn't go for the counseling, but instead found this site.  This very LS 'community' has helped to keep me sane.  Has helped to put a handle on things.  I think that you did good to connect with all of us here again.  Cause meanwhile some remarkable solutions have been tried and tested. 

    ?You do not write about the kind of medication you may be on, it could be clobetasol or other.  But I would encourage you to look at the discussion on "An Experiment with Borax".  At present every other day I sit in a borax bath and rinse after most bathroom visits with water in which three pinches of borax dissolved.  Prior to that I used baking soda baths and rinses with very similar results.  But the last stretch needed borax. 

    ?Simultaniously I worked on my diet and started to avoid added sugar, alcohol, gluten and limited dairy.  Sugar and cheese were sure triggers for me. 

    ?It was hard work and I had to be very diligent to keep with the diet and the baths, but made it so far that I'm fully 'functional' again. 

    ?It is my hope that you will find some form of encouragement from this and will be able to tackle LS from these alternative angles.  Wishing you well.

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  • Posted

    Sorry to hear all you're going thru. There is hope for you.

    Please, Pleas, read "An Experiment with Borax"

    I did, I started using the solution 2x's a day, now only once a day

    and moisturize with organic coconut oil after maybe an hr. after

    using Borax. I stopped all prescription creams etc.

    I have all the faith in the world that this will help you.

    Don't put it off, do it now. It may take weeks to notice, but it

    will help. If you follow this forum, you'll see it helps a lot of people.

    Good luck, do it, nothing to lose, a lot to gain.

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  • Posted

    Hi, sorry you're struggling.  

    Hanny's advice is have to stick to a diet that helps you rather than makes things worse, and although I know that people won't like to hear this I think many women don't do that, they dont really believe that sugar for example can cause so many problems for LS.  It is a way of life that needs to be followed otherwise you will have constant itching and flare ups.  

    There is of course the option of the Fenton Procedure which is an operation to remove scar tissue which widens the vaginal opening for when a woman experiences persistently painful sexual intercourse.  Many women with LS have a band of skin that crosses the entrance to the vagina, personally, this for me is what makes intercourse painfull and I believe by removing that issue sex would be achievable again.  I am actually thinking about having this done, as even with following a strict diet, that band of skin wont go away on its own, and its stopping me from having sex.  

    On top of that there is the Mona Lisa treatment which I am still interested in and that deals with the internal issues of  intercourse, like feeling sore it and you will see that many women report feeling so much better afterward.

    Hope this gives you some new ideas.


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    • Posted

      I have had  Mona Lisa Therapy 3 times now it is supposed to bring  back the blood flow to that area . I do believe that it has helped on the  interior , the coloring on  the outside of the vagina has returned to normal . It is very hard in the state of New Jersey to get this covered under my insurance plan . It is quite expensive and it is FDA approved,  I think the insurance companies see it as being cosmetic. I am fighting with my insurance company as we speak as mine is medically necessary. As I will need at least 3 more sessions.Then maintenance of once a year.
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  • Posted

    Hi there, I'm 19 and was diagnosed just before I turned 18, and fell into pretty bad depression because of the debilitating factors of LS, I have a partner currently but I causes us a lot of stress as we cannot have any sex at the moment, being so young and living together, sex was a massive part of our relationship and now it does cause a lot of strain. The idea that I have to live with this for the rest of my life was heartbreaking but I've found the best way of dealing with it is focusing on my self and not the pain and keeping myself really busy so I'm always up and out of the house instead of lying in bed in pain.  

    You and your partner obviously have years and years of history, but he will never be  able to understand how  strong you are!!!!!! 

    Sending love your way 

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  • Posted

    I'm sorry you are feeling so down and sending you lots of love.  For me, it is simple things that still make life fun.  I love gardening and the wind blowing up my skirt is often enough to make me smile.  Especially if it is a really cold wind.  Oh the relief!

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  • Posted

    Hi Ladies

    Thanks for all the advice & kind words, really appreciate it, I've been suffering all told for around 10 yrs now, I use Dermovate a couple of times a week, have tried the Emu oil, Coconut oil, Borax, sitz bath, Cetraben the list goes on....& on....& on along with expense.

    I've never been offered any form of counselling, i've been discharged from my local hospital that deal with this damn condition, they told me about 5 years ago  to manage it myself,  I've been back to my GP i guess, about 7-8 times & have been told that due to NHS cut backs the waiting list is about 18-20 months.

    I'm limited to what i can wear as i'm a female Truck driver & away all week, so i'm constantly in Co. issue work wear/uniform which is as you can guess Trousers. To make matter's worse i'm sat down from 5am until i finish which could be 12-15 hrs later that day.

    I've cut sugar out of my diet for many yrs now, don't drink booze because of my profession, & eat really healthily which is surprisingly easy when you live alone in a Truck.Like all Trucker's you are limited to parking, so for me my evenings consist of Motorway services HGV parking lots, Services have really good facilities for women  drivers now compared to when i started driving trucks many years ago (approx 30 yrs ). So the hygiene side of things has got alot better, with pretty good showers etc.

    I think what actually is crucifying me is the fact my partner just couldn't cope,  I tried to talk him into counselling, seeing the GP with me but he would constanly break down & fall apart. It's absolutely ripped my heart apart, I hate going home at weekends, the house is so quiet & empty, I think he'd had plans for a while, i came home one weekend & he told me he was leaving the following month, he lined up a rental property, etc & was gone the day after our 17 anniversary together. 

    Over the years we had experienced so many things, wether it being accepting that we couldn't have children, dysfunctional families, along with lots of other things, but together we could cope with  anything that was thrown our way. Because of our jobs are demanding, (he's also a Truck driver) we had our dream home, lush holidays & a wonderful life. Things now are so different, i'm working every hur god sends to pay the mortgage, bills & everything else that comes our way in life. The house is mine so he's no commitment to pay the mortgage or deal with repairs/maintenance etc, so i think for me it's more about stress, financial worry & basically grieving.

    I literally have no one to turn to, i work with 200 other guy's so i don't even have a female colleague i can discuss things with. I'm finding things so tough right now tht it's really becoming a struggle to get off my bunk bed every day & to put one foot infront of the other.

    I'm otherwise in good health, not overweight, look after myself considering the life style i have but actually feel totally defeated. Thank you each & every one of  you for your support, it really means a lot that some one is out there listening. I used to post on here a lot in the past, but due to my job it's difficult to find time & wi fi can be very hit & miss around the Country.

    Thanks again for listening

    Best Wishes T  

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    • Posted

      I would recommend that you go see a counselor /psychologist.   You sound like you are depressed ---and who wouldn't with what you have gone through.  Also the stress you have will increase your LS.  I would recommend that you gets Clobetasol for your LS.  stop wearing under pants and if you can don't wear underpants when you sleep.  I go without them as often as I can.  It really helps.  Stress really make it worse.  It sounds like you eat very healthy.  Take care of yourself.   You have a lot of friends on here to help you.   ?

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