Interview with my hips

Me  - So, you down there, umm, how you doing?

Hips - Well, no thanks to you, we are fine, thanks for asking. We are a little cosmetically changed but function is resuming.

Me - That's good, I could barely move you for a while.

H- we thought you had us replaced with an elephants leg, the skin is about the same!

M- Sorry about that, I can't reach. I have rules, you'll have to put up with the flakey skin and, umm, the stubble. 

How long is this going to go on for?

About six weeks but I am trying to perfect a kind of golfers bend but it's only good for swiping something off the floor quickly.

You don't play golf, are we taking it up? 

No, we are not. I can barely walk down the road at the moment without crutches but I think you'll agree how good I am surfing the furniture inside.

It's not surprising we can barely walk, do you know what he did to us?

I am fully aware, I was there, but you are going to be better now. The bruising will go, you'll be able to move better without all that lumpy arthritis and I can get you off the drugs.

​And the itching? It feels like ants.

My granny would have said that's a sign of healing but the layers of stitching are just beginning to heal up. I am giving you a rub with coconut oil every day, be thankful.

Thankful, she says, we have alien hardware in here that doesn't know what it's doing. It doesn't even want to stand up unless you do that tappy foot thingy.

That's the nerves healing, it'll get better so stop moaning and be patient. We've been through this twice now and if we are good then we should keep the newbies for years to come.

So life is going to be different?

Yep, think how good it was for a while after the first one. We could walk normally and everything. We just have to get through this tough bit at the beginning and then, can you hear it?

Hear what?

Life calling.

Now quiet you two, settle down, have a sleep and tomorrow if you are good we will tackle the steps up the back garden.

​

16 likes, 44 replies