Is it ever too late in ones life to accept ones failures?

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Aged 71, male, average IQ.,  beset with low self esteem of past life experiences. Was married to a film star lookalike and we sired two handsome sons. I was the only family member of my childhood years who hated school and avoided it at all costs.  While a bright child I could not grasp the importance of a good education and befor my O level exams were due was asked by my headmaster to leave as a disruption to my peers and a waste of state funds etc. Hence a life of low paid work, low self esteem and a fired up wife who sprung up the social ladder and rock and rolled with the wealthy and celebrities on my miserly income.  I sprung down the ladder into a slough of depair and went away to end it all. I spent three years in a place of peace,tranquility and mental bliss by invitation of some wonderful people. I returned to my family but within a month was ready to end it all for good as nothing had changed with my lovely wife or my depression.  I remarried a kind divorced lady and we enjoyed companionship and helped each other but now my two fine sons who have their mothers lust for money only contact me when the bailiffs are on their doorstep because of maxed out credit cards to keep the Range Rovers leases going etc.

I cannot help them but now feel back to square one in a life of failure through depressive thoughts of the past that I cannot bury.

Any help welcome.

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  • Posted

    I am 66 and married to someone who doesn't understand my anxiety and depression, which is caused by a very complicated unresolved health problem due to the inadequacy of medical skills in the UK!   If you have a kindly, caring lady to whom you are married , I am sure she supports you with all these problems you have?   The problem is we can't change the past , I wish I could, but it can't be done....trying to concentrate on the here and now is very very hard.   Have you tried "mindfulness".... ?
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  • Posted

    Oh Bruce

    I really feel for you I have a very good friend who is 12yrs older than myself he like yourself had it all money and all the things that's come with it.

    Sadly in 2002 his money ran out and he was thrust into the n h s which for him now he still can't come to terms with, I have known this man 5yrs and we are good friends,

    The 1st thing he said when we met is (you are the oldest woman I have ever been out with!!) and he couldn't understand why I was mad at him?? To cut a long story short he is very ill and had always had private health care and young 20yr girls on his arm.

    I explained to him I was not an intellect like him but I worked hard to become a nurse and although I can no longer work I was proud of what I'd done with my life, my friend like yourself has no contact with his children yet come Christmas they'll send a text asking how he is??

    I have never been wealthy and he asked me if you had a lot of money what would you do?, my answer was simple all I want in life is to have an untroubled heart and enough money so I can get by each day,

    I was attacked by 3 men 23yrs ago what they did to me was unspeakable but I was determind not to let these morons take my life from me, I suffer terrible nightmares and like you my self esteem is zero I am waiting for a renal transplant and thanks partly to them I can never work again,I was married for 25yrs to a soldier who was nothing more than a bully who put me down and yes sometimes hit me but I stayed for my sons sake.

    So Bruce only you can determine your life and I really hope things improve for you godbless and godbless Maria

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  • Posted

    So you're currently still married ?

    You should definitely keep that happiness don't let any hold you back or keep you down , sad to say not even your children.

    And at your age of life you should just be enjoying life not regretting it and living in the past ...

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    • Posted

      Well written Koolredd.  My present wife I married 30 years ago and we are companions rather than lovers being totally faithful to each other and accepting each others totally opposing views but offering a helping hand as only damaged goods can.

      bruce99901

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  • Posted

    Hi Bruce

    My thoughts are, as we pass a certain age we start summing up the totality of our lives, including achievements. We also consider and come to terms with, what we perceive to be our mistakes.

    In reading your post, I can see you have achieved a lot.

    you have worked hard all your life that is a major achievement. You have raised children that's an achievement! You have lived with depression, that's a major aachievement! we can all wish we had achieved more in our careers as we get older, but the path we trod was our path to tread..its more about how you walked it! If you know you done the best you could do with the hand dealt to you ... then that's a huge aachievement! Raising two children is no easy fete especially if you are prone to depression. Your first wife seems to have planted that seed of doubt about your self worth, you seem to have kept hold of this idea which wasn't true or factual. You may not have earnt large amounts of money,or climbed up the corporate ladder, but it didn't deter her from spending your hard earnt cash on her life style at the time! She wouldn't have been able to live the lavish lifestyle without you in her life. Really she is the one who should have reflected on her contribution to your marriage!. I am certain your lovely sons are good lads but, whether you have the cash or not, to help with their credit card debts, your response needs to be 'no' There comes the time Bruce when you need to be cruel to be kind. What are these young men going to learn if you keep bailing them out? Let the jeep get repossessed and let them get demands from credit card companies. This is the only way they will learn to be principled and fully grasp the meaning of hard work to get and pay for what they desire themselves. What does your partner have to say on this matter? Don't let summing up your past (harshly and incorrectly I may add lol!) Impact on your future. ..you could have 30 years in front of you! Throw that seed of doubt right out of your mind. If you stop being harsh on yourself, you will know and accept your life has and will hold numerous achievements.

    How is your depression at the moment? This illness can really make us constantly doubt ourselves.

    God bless xxxx

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    • Posted

      How positive your reply was Lorraine. In my plea for enlightenment I mentioned that my life was saved when I left my family for an unknown future by some wonderful people and the name of that person who was the catalyst giving me that lifesaver was called Lorraine.  Unbeleivable; we grew up on the same street and always helped each other.  My biggest stumbling block Lorraine was I left my family when they were five and seven.  I know that this happens around the world all of the time but I just couldn't cope and never earned enough to keep myself and help with their welfare also which is the cancer in my soul. I left my wife our house and business but she soon slid into debt but the boys still kept going to a fee paying school which we couldn't afford but her new man in her life aged 21 did welll and they missed nothing except their dads love.My depression at this time is like living as an amputee. The limb will always be gone but I would not harm myself as I am no coward trying to escape the past and hurt yet more lovely folk around me.Thank you again for taking time to write a reply in such a welcoming manner. bruce99901
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    • Posted

      Hi Bruce

      your path in life hasn't been an easy one. You need to put any guilt aside in what has been. If you don't forgive yourself for 'what's gone' or for 'what could have been' you will continue to torture yourself. Life is the hear and now and to make every effort to be the best we can be. (That doesn't include paying your son's bills lol) if you feel you have wronged anyone...its time to forgive yourself. If you have the opportunity you could offer an apology to anyone you feel you have hurt along the way. (It's never too late) more importantly you need to start recognising your achievements and loving yourself more. Very few of us passing through this world reach dizzy heights in their careers. It doesn't make a man 'a man' because of his earning potential. Stop beating yourself up about the past and try to navigate a new road for yourself, which is a solidly built on love and living. Your worth it Bruce! You need to start believing that! God bless xxxx

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    • Posted

      And God bless you Lorraine for your tender heartj. And how do I know that?  Because not one word written was about you but to that troubled anonymous soul out there needing sensible comments to contemplate, analyse and nurture those seeds of wisdom.

      A happy 2016 to you.

      bruce

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  • Posted

    Hi there. I know it must be hard, but don't let any of it bother you - your life is just too precious to waste. To an outsider like me, you really have achieved a lot. I adore older people as they have so much knowledge and skills and life experiences, and value anything they can impart. Perhaps you could somehow give to the community in this way, wising up and/or skilling up others in whatever way you know best (even put up an advert in the local library or go and give an inspiring talk at a school or even take a short counselling course to help others). Many younger people secretly value this, but don't always know how to go about asking, and older people think that no one waould really want to know.
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    • Posted

      Good advice and thank you for that.  I hjave spent the last ten years helping others and using my survival experiences to help vulnerable people. We have put homeless folk up until they can cope or fall off the edge as much of life is about choices I reckon. People tell my present wife what a jolly and good person her husband is but like that swan the webbed feet are pedalling furiously under the water. bruce99901
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  • Posted

    Excellent use of time and lived experience! And as you know, anything of value does not usually come easy so keep pedalling away and stay blessed.
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  • Posted

    Hey u, how about thinking you had spirit? Maybe you are like me? Not lacking in intelligence but confidence? I understand how you are thinking but is this you? Maybe it's the wrong people you have been with. To me it seems that you have not been allowed to be yourself! Don't let anyone put you down, we are all the same x
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    • Posted

      The same to you! How about we both give ourselves a kick up the ? We cannot change what has happened to us but we can change the future! Start feeling good about yourself, you have no reason not to!
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    • Posted

      Ok you! Started to think that you ARE worth as much as anyone else in this world?. If not, you should! You are obviously a sensitive person and that is such a quality! Do what I do, anyone who I think is nasty doesn't deserve my time. Start being yourself X
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    • Posted

      Ok Bruce, you given yourself that kick yet? How bout you giving me that kick? I'm trying to get through this (excuse my language) bloody pain everyday and I've just lost my Mum. She was my child for the last 20 years after my Dad died and I am bereft without her. She had dementia so I had to wait until I got outside to have a giggle about what she said, bless her xx
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