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Is my doctor being inappropriate with me?

Posted , 6 users are following.

bpel
bpel

Hi. I know this may not qualify as depression I couldn't find a category it would really fit under. I recently got a new doctor. I had seen the same doctor (a pediatrician) for my whole childhood. I am 20 years old and female. The first time I went to my new doctor, my mom came in the exam room with me. It went really well. The next time I went by myself and my doctor came in and talked to me and then started listening to my heart and lungs. He asked to me to lift my shirt and started to touch my chest and then my boobs. I didn't say anything but I think he knew he could tell he was making me nervous. It went on for a couple of minutes. He finished and left the room temporarily to get the papers that say a summary of my visit. He came back and talked to me a little more and then my appointment was over. I went back a couple days ago and he did the same thing. He knows I have an anxiety problem and nervousness. I am just wondering is this normal? My pediatrician never touched me like that ever. But also, he had a nurse in the room all the time or my mom was in there. My new doctor doesn't. Should I request a nurse to be in the room with us? I think he sees lots of patients and gets good things said about him. I am not scheduled to go back for 3 months. Should I even go back? He prescribes me meds and I feel like he is genuinely trying to help me. It took me months to get in to see a new doctor. I wanted a female doctor but I couldn't seem to get one. I would appreciate hearing what the public has to say. Thank you.

1 like, 46 replies

46 Replies

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  • bpel
    bpel

    Posted

    I should add he would tell me to lay down and relax. Out of all things he said that. I tried to act calmer but I don't really think it worked. And he would continue the exam.

  • Adldiane
    Adldiane bpel

    Posted

    Hello bpel. I am so sorry that you felt uncomfortable with your doctor examing you without a nurse in the room. It is proper protocol for a doctor to have a nurse in the room when you are examined. And for him to do it twice. I have some questions. One can your mother go with you each time you go? Since you have 3 months do you have enough time to get an appointment with another doctor female or otherwise. When you make an appointment you can ask if a nurse goes in with the doctor during exams. You have rights and you can stand up for yourself gently but firmly. I think it was totally inappropriate for that doctor to exam you twice that way without a nurse in the room. It happened to me and I was 32. I never went back but I am in the US and it's very easy to get in with another doctor fast otherwise I would have taken my husband with me. Just  look at your options but take care of yourself. I'm proud of you. 100% proud of you for getting on this site and asking for help. Way to go! Have you mentioned this to your mom. That's another ideasmile!  Please please keep us posted you will find kind people who really care for you. I do!! Diane

    • bpel
      bpel Adldiane

      Posted

      Thank you for your kind words Adldiane. smile When my mom was in the room he didn't touch my chest or boobs or anything just my back. And he didn't ask me to lift my shirt that much. To answer your questions. One, yes my mom could come with me into the room. She would most likely ask me why I suddenly want her to come with me to see the doctor again and I don't know what I would say. Two, I could try to get into see a female doctor at another office. It would probably take a while like into early next year as doctors offices are all booked up. It doesn't really matter what people think but my doctor and my mom would question why I want to switch again. My mom overreacts about certain things and I feel like she would about this. Plus I don't know if anybody would believe me if I told them about this. My sister is very understanding. Maybe I should talk to her. I was really surprised because I had never had a doctor exam my boobs especially a male doctor. My pediatrician always had a nurse in the room because I am a female and I guess it was just protocol for them. Do you recommend me switching or staying with this doctor? I hope I was able to answer your questions.

  • Adldiane
    Adldiane bpel

    Posted

    Hi again. Yes you did answer my questions. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone just don't go into that room with that doctor alone again. Ask your sister or a friend to go with you. In the meantime call another clinic and get another appointment with another doctor. It is a weird feeling to have a man doctor examine you but they should never touch us without a nurse in the room. I'm so sorry this happened to you but it shows me how strong you are!! You did not let it go or stuff it you got on this site and asked for help. You are "into action!"  If anyone pressures you for an answer you can say I have seen my pediatrician all my life and now a new doc for the first time. But you really don't have to explain yourself. As uncomfortable as this experience is you can use this as the beginning of the first time you stand up and take care of yourself! Will you get back to me and let me know how you progress? Diane

    • bpel
      bpel Adldiane

      Posted

      I will not go see this doctor alone anymore. I asked a friend's mom about what doctor her daughter sees. I know she sees a female doctor and she recently just switched too because of her age I believe. I always prefer women to examine me but I have never had one as my primary care. Thank you for all your help. I will just say that I just want a female doctor. I will call other offices in the morning. I will keep you up to date too. Again thank you for all your help. smile -Beth

    • bpel
      bpel Adldiane

      Posted

      I just wanted to let you know I am in the US as well. I live in New York and medical care is not the best up here but I try with my resources. I will get in to see a female doctor though. -Beth
  • rachel91735
    rachel91735 bpel

    Posted

    Hi I have examinations on a regular due to an illness this is not right what so ever and a nurse should be there every time I would report this and change your doctor , just because he is trying to help you doesn't mean he does not have bad intentions and the fact he knows you have anxiety is something he could also play on or prey on in this case I would defiantly recommend to get a different doctor x 

    • bpel
      bpel rachel91735

      Posted

      I am going to change doctors for sure. I thought the same thing. That is why I keep certain things to myself. I thought it would be different telling a doctor. But I will get in to see a female doctor instead. I have never had a female primary care before only male as I am only 20 and have only now seen two doctors both male before. Thank you for your help. smile
    • bpel
      bpel rachel91735

      Posted

      Also, how do I go about reporting a doctor?
    • bpel
      bpel Adldiane

      Posted

      Ok I will look into that. Thanks! -Beth
  • Adldiane
    Adldiane bpel

    Posted

    Hey Beth. So proud of you for standing up for yourself. It helps me to know that you are in the US as I am familiar with how things work here. I hope you get a new doctor first and then figure out how to turn the doctor in. He knows what he's doing by not having a nurse in the room it will be hard to prove its your word against his. You are a very special young lady and I feel honored to have met you here. Please keep posting I want to know how you progress. Diane

    • bpel
      bpel Adldiane

      Posted

      Thank you. I am glad I able to tell my story. It makes me feel better that I talked to someone and after hearing what you and rachel91735 have to say I know what better to do about the situation. I didn't think about that. I wish I had proof. I didn't get any though. I will just try to explain things the best I can to whoever's attention I bring this to. I am really happy I met you too, Diane. You have really helped me see that I need to take charge and make what this doctor see what he did to me was very wrong. I will keep you and others posted for sure. I look forward to hearing back from you in the near future. -Beth

    • bpel
      bpel Adldiane

      Posted

      I would like to tell you this as well. After the doctor came back in the room with the papers saying a summary of my visit, he gave me a hug. I looked at him weird before. I did give him a sort of hug but I was trying to keep distance between and hurry it up. When it was over I was thankful. For my safety I will switch doctors. I don't want to think about what might happen if I went another time. I will be calling around in the morning for sure. -Beth

    • Adldiane
      Adldiane bpel

      Posted

      Beth you really empowered yourself. You knew what happened to you felt wrong and was wrong. You found this site looking for help and found it! You made a decision to leave that doctor and find a doctor that you will be comfortable with. And the coolest part of this is you are doing this at age 20!! I am so proud of you and thankful for you! Keep us posted I can't wait to hear the next part of your story😊 .Diane

    • bpel
      bpel Adldiane

      Posted

      Thank you so much Diane! I am proud of me for doing this at such a young age. I am hoping I am able to tell you good news and hopefully it is soon. -Beth
    • bpel
      bpel

      Posted

      Also to all reading this as I do not know how to edit my original post. And to be clearer. My doctor did not even ask permission nor did he wear examination gloves. I do apologize for all the messages of editing. I just would like to tell my complete story. I feel that leaving bits of information out doesn't let people know what entirely happened.

    • Adldiane
      Adldiane bpel

      Posted

      Good morning Beth. No apology necessary. You send as many messages as you need to. I know that you will keep us posted. Have a blessed day!!😊Diane

    • bpel
      bpel Adldiane

      Posted

      I am currently trying to find a doctor that I can get into sooner. I will have to call my insurance and maybe they can help me from there. Thank you! You too, Diane! -Beth
    • Adldiane
      Adldiane bpel

      Posted

      Hey Beth. You are welcome!! Enjoy your weekend. Diane
    • bpel
      bpel Adldiane

      Posted

      Thank you! I did. I hope you did as well. smile -Beth
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