Is my doctor being inappropriate with me?
Posted , 6 users are following.
Hi. I know this may not qualify as depression I couldn't find a category it would really fit under. I recently got a new doctor. I had seen the same doctor (a pediatrician) for my whole childhood. I am 20 years old and female. The first time I went to my new doctor, my mom came in the exam room with me. It went really well. The next time I went by myself and my doctor came in and talked to me and then started listening to my heart and lungs. He asked to me to lift my shirt and started to touch my chest and then my boobs. I didn't say anything but I think he knew he could tell he was making me nervous. It went on for a couple of minutes. He finished and left the room temporarily to get the papers that say a summary of my visit. He came back and talked to me a little more and then my appointment was over. I went back a couple days ago and he did the same thing. He knows I have an anxiety problem and nervousness. I am just wondering is this normal? My pediatrician never touched me like that ever. But also, he had a nurse in the room all the time or my mom was in there. My new doctor doesn't. Should I request a nurse to be in the room with us? I think he sees lots of patients and gets good things said about him. I am not scheduled to go back for 3 months. Should I even go back? He prescribes me meds and I feel like he is genuinely trying to help me. It took me months to get in to see a new doctor. I wanted a female doctor but I couldn't seem to get one. I would appreciate hearing what the public has to say. Thank you.
1 like, 46 replies
haley53615 bpel
Posted
Hi Beth,
Hopefully you find a doctor that you are comfortable with. I have had 2 primary doctors since switching from the pediatrician. They are both male. I also have a separate gynecologist who is male.
When I see the primary doctors, there is no one else in the exam room, but the doctor and I. But I am fully dressed & they don't examine the breasts for regular visits. Once a year, when I have my physical, I wear the patient gown. My primary doctor would ask me if I want a breast exam; only if I say yes, will he ever touch that part of my body. Again, there is not a nurse with us. But that's fine because I am comfortable with my doctor. I would just find another doctor if I am not comfortable.
When I go to my gynecologist for my annual wellness exam, he always has a nurse in the room because he will examine the feminine parts, including breast exam.
Doctors prescribe medication if you need them, not in exchange for anything other than their visit fees.
Remember this...they are service providers & work for you. So you are entitled to ask all the questions you want & they have an obligation to give you the best & appropriate care that their experience & expertise can provide.
I quit my first primary doctor because his services deteriorated.
As consumers, we have lots of choices. Find someone who meets your needs, listens and explains everything to you in plain English.
Cheers,
H-
bpel haley53615
Posted
Hi there Haley. Thank you for your input. That is so great to hear that you trust your doctors. I have only ever had male primary care doctors too. My pediatrician Never touched any of my female parts. He eventually got so he would have a nurse (female) in the room. I didn't know why back then but I understand that now and I am glad he did for both of our benefits. I am currently trying to find a female primary care doctor that will see me sooner. I would like to get in as soon as possible to continue my treatment. Waiting has never helped me. I have never had a gynecological exam but I have been to gynecologists before mostly female ones. I have a gender preference especially for gynecological stuff. I just wasn't sure but I know when someone knows of another person's problems, in my case my doctor knew of my anxiety and nervousness, they try to take advantage of the person with the problems, so I was just hoping he didn't do this for that specific reason. I asked him questions about different things but not while he was touching me. I was in shock and nervous. I am pretty sure he knew that too, but he didn't stop. Also, I wasn't in a gown. He never asked me to change. He didn't even ask permission to touch me or if I even wanted a breast exam done. He also never told me why he was doing it. At one point, during the second visit of him doing a breast exam he told me to lay back after touching my breasts and said "You are just a nervous person aren't you?" and preceded to touch me more there and then my stomach. I will definitely be looking for a different doctor and one that I can trust. Thank you again.
-Beth
haley53615 bpel
Posted
Beth,
It is perfectly okay to question him why he is examining your breasts. You can also tell him you just feel uncomfortable & used to having a nurse in the room & request for one. Don't ever let anyone intimidate you. You have rights & should feel empowered to assert yourself when needed.
My male doctors wouldn't even pull up my shirt or examine me without telling me to pull up my shirt so that they can examine my stomach. He would also tell me to unbutton my jeans to gain access to the stomach.
They examine the stomach by pushing on it to check for any abnormalities in your liver etc. They are trained to feel the differences.
I asked my doctor that. Regardless of whether a doctor is male or female, they have to earn your trust over time. It is human nature to feel uncomfortable in a stranger's presence, doctor or not. I used be quite nervous at the doctors especially when they examine me. They know that & are very patient with me. I think it takes ~3-5 visits before you feel comfortable depending on the doctor.
Once you find a doctor you like, if you ever need any other specialist doctors, they can refer them to you. That is how I find most of my other doctors & they are usually excellent. If I don't like someone, I just ask my primary doctor to suggest someone else.
Take Care,
H-
Adldiane bpel
Posted
Hi Beth I have been wondering how you are. Just checking in to see if you're feeling better😊. Diane
bpel Adldiane
Posted
-Beth
bpel
Posted
Hi all. I have an update for you. I had an appointment with a female doctor scheduled for late February 2018. The doctor ended up canceling my appointment anyway and I decided that I need to be seen sooner. So I called a different office and they can get me in as soon as December 26 with a female physician's assistant. My mom has mentioned to me that I could go back to my used-to-be doctor and ask for a nurse in the room but she doesn't understand what I went through and how much it made me want to escape the situation I was in. She also mentioned that I could see a different doctor in that office but doesn't understand that I want to switch offices and never see that doctor again. Besides, the only female doctor in that office is a practioner nurse and I want to see a Phycisian's Assistant or Medical Doctor. When someone does me wrong I want to get out of it and never go back there. As for that office all the doctors work together which means I would see that doctor even if I saw another doctor there. I would at least pass him in the hallway. I am hoping that this appointment stays for December 26. I really want to try having a female primary care doctor and see how it goes with this one. She looks young. I don't recall ever having a young doctor before so I wonder if it will be different. Will let you know all know how the appointment goes when it happens. Also, I have gone to a walk-in clinic for my throat. They told me it is viral but it feels to me like my tonsils are swollen as it really hurts on the sides of my throat all the way in the back. They did a fast strep test and it was negative. They also did a throat culture but I never heard anything from it. Does anybody have any experience with having swollen tonsils or suggestions to what I can do since I don't have a doctor right now? Thank you!
-Beth