Is my son on computer too much

No George, I didn't buy him a computer or an x box, his grandma did and he changed from a teen who liked playing football, he was good in goal, riding his skateboard and riding his BMX pushbike, and having a few girlfriends to someone who never goes out, to this day.

He's 24 now and he's been so sucked into that gaming black hole it's impossible for me to get him out of it.

think of it as another addiction georgia , that way you might find away around it .

Ok addiction, I agree but I've had addictions, bad ones and the more my mum tried to stop me the worse I got. With addictions we have to do it for ourselves. I've tried different strategies like buying him an electric guitar because he likes metal music but that didn't even work.

I actually think that the drug addiction I used to have isn't as bad as his war game addiction because at least I was out in the sunshine every day, had loads of friends and was running around.

its one of the biggest causes for people siting divorce apparently . coming just under violence and cruelity . and i have heard of kids getting councilling for it . 

i am sure you done your best i was just lucky my son only likesd games like mario kart .etc . but seriously if he had have had aliking for violent games the plug would have been removed ,if talking about it didnt sort it out .

Christmas 2 years ago we got him a computer, fairly powerful one as he is into 3D grafix design, the same area he doing at college now, and he's was good at it, his school was singing his praises too. However shortly after getting the new PC the games came, now he has had other consoles in the past, but he was never so intense on it and he has just got himself a new laptop, which is why Im worried it will get out of hand, if we dont put some restrictions in place and some structure 

thank you for the reply

is there anything you can do together away from the home like father and son bonding stuff .that would be another out let .

the more you veiw violence the more it becomes normal and exceptable 

behavouier . some people cant shut it out and eventuly it laspes in to reality . i like to think that i am normal , i dont like violence or cruility ,if i watch anything on tv with violence or cruility ,it will replay in mind causing me problems with sleep . 

how ever i am aware of this so hence i do not watch anything i find disturbing . some people have peer presure to deel with ,or are unaware that it effects them. this can be a possiable dangerous position. 

i think your right to be concerned. 

i am thought old fashioned i no , but in my dads house his rules were abided by and i brought my kids up the same way . . .sometimes you have to set boundries and be unpopular . i was often but my three havn't turned out to bad .not perfect , 

but no un wanted babies, no crimal offences, and no bullying, or drug /alchol related problems . and i think in this day and age thats pretty good .

That's what I'm so terrified about tis. When my mum bought him an x box it's like she took my son away. He still a gentle person but it's like he's so far away from me now.

It's all he cares about, playing war games and winning. 

If only I knew then what I know now, He,s a good kid, like yours never been a problem and maybe Im making a mountain out of a mole hill. We were never strict with the kids, never hit them, wanted be a more light hearted parents, and for the most part its worked. Just this reluctance to cut down on the game time when he,s home.

I should add Im just coming through a bout of depression and questioning alot of the choices I made

 

i never had to smack my kids either ,they knew what i said i meant .so never had to result to smacking 

i was a single parent for many years and had to be the  tough guy as well as mum sometimes . i was also dealing with depression but caused by a condition that wasnt diognosed until much later ,so no help there .

i dont believe in trendy parents and parents being there kids mate , they have there mates we are supposed to be the teachers . sorry if this is coming across wrong its not meant to be .

but i never allowed my girls to sleep with there boyfriend in my house thats not to say they didnt sleep with there boyfriends just not under my roof with my permission  . i think people fall inand out of relationships to easley these days .they wait for nothing and not encoureged  to . .my opioion only

i hope you sort this out i am sure his a good lad at heart .but he has to live in the reall world ..

i wonder how keen people would be if they had to face a real battle like young lads of 16/17 in ww2  why are they all so obsessed with killing if they had to do it for real would they be so keen  . its wrong to make a game out of war and suffering .

i hate what iv read about ground theft auto to rapes murder are not games to people who have sufferd only this week a story in the paper of a boy and his girl friend hacked his step sister to death and cut of all her limbs . i know horrifc murders have always happened but they were world wide news now there just chip paper .

yes i see your fix it was wrong of your mum to do so .

i am glad my son dosent like those kind of games 

he likes puzzles and such. if he did like them he wouldnt be playing them in my house i can assure you .i know yours dosent live with you ,

there are so many parents that allow there underage kids to play these games .its frieghting . i know someone who lets there 11 yr old play grand theft auto .and worse .

My parents were total nasty control freaks, could have been role models for politicians. My son likes me being his mate, there's much more love between us. I am tough and motherly when I need to be but mostly what he wants from me is understanding.

well excatly thats what i mean you have to be a mother not  abest mate 

nothing wrong with connecting well and comunacting well and being supportive .

I didn't say 'best' mate Tis! I know the difference. 

Also he's an adult so there's no way I could boss him around even if I wanted to, which I never have wanted to. In my opinion that's not the role of parents, our role is to love. Whatever happens in their lives love is all. He knows I love him and that he can talk to me.

I have to stand back on the x box addiction and it's killing me. All I can do is nothing, just talk when he wants to talk. Arrrggghhhh.

i know that hun thats what i said your son is not at home so theres little you can do . its not about bossing kids about when there under your roof

its about boundries and consequences .children like to no where they stand 

they will push boundries thats normal but with love we should flex boundries but keep them in place .its love , teaching them thats theres consequences for there actions others wise they are unprepared for the world . and struggle on the outside unfortunatly not everyone will love you like a good mum will.

We're agreed really. Good to talk things out sometimes though. My son's always been his own self like I was and I made compromises and suggestions. He was never a bit eater as a child so I'd know he'd never finish his plate of food. Me too but parents would punish me for not finishing it.

What I did with him was move a little bit of the meat, veg, whatever to the side of his plate and say 'Can you eat that much?' and he would so it worked. He responds more to the gentle approach, even now.

Came back, just realised you might think I let him get away with eating the little bit I moved to the side of the plate, no he'd eat the larger amount left!

that was a good idea

,iv always say to anyone eating at my table if you dont like it dont eat it , i dont want people to make them self sick eating things they dont like or dosent agree with them . 

i did how ever nearly send my self crazy with my middle daughter  she was a teriable eater and i worried all the time i tried making faces with the food and vegatable burgers instead of veg, but nothing worked 

i am a little a shamed to admit  that i lost it one day and shoved her face in her plate . 

then i decided this couldnt go on , and decided to just  let her eat what she wanted ,which was cereal, beans toast chips and chicken it was better then nothing. she is still the same at 27 .its just how she is .

if only my sister inlaw had parents like us she proberly wouldnt have died at 27 from Anorixa .

all any parent can do is  there best ,

and no when they cant do anything about a problem except possiably make it worse we all have our limatations we all can only to our best .

My step sister was 10 and my mum had got with her dad. She was hurting of course being so young and confused. One day the four us were at the table and Jo put some tomato ketchup on her food. Mum went berserk! Shouting about her spoling her food that she'd taken the time to cook.

I had to take mum out of the room and give her what for! I was older at 15. And the ironic thing is why did she buy ketchup if she didn't want us to use it! Sheesh. Whatever her anger was about she shouldn't have taken it out on a 10 year old child.

So sad about your sister in law!  

 

I love the sound of your table, letting people have the choice of what they want to eat. Kudos 

yes if you dont want some one to use it dont put it on the table .

a remark like only a small portion on the side o f your plate would have been enough .sounds like your mum has big issues she hasnt dealt with .

well i cook most nigths but it dosent mean you have to eat it ,

i didnt like to be forced to eat stuff i didnt like 

esp reall ox tail soup . and stuffed marrow.

so i just dish up and say eat or leave it .food shouldnt be a weapon

but a tool for togetherness . i do get cross thou when people cover there food with sauce.

i was always taught to place a portion on the side of my plate . and i dont like people taking food then saying they cant finish it .

but thats about all tha upsets me .

you can get bread and wipe up your gravy .put sauce on your pancakes what ever floats your  boat . 

Jo got it out of the cupboard and she wasn't supposed to, ketchup was for Saturday morning fry ups that was her dad's weekly treat, it was usually healthy food, but Jo didn't know that, if something's in the cupboard isn't it ok to assume you can eat it, she barely even knew my mum.

I'd learnt to eat some foods I didn't like and all of it when I wasn't that hungry for an easy life. Better that than being screamed at and punished. Strangely enough, or perhaps not strangely I've had anorexic tendencies ever since but only mildly.

Right mum and her issues, I'm still trying to deal with the aftermath of her being my mum. She has a good side too though like everyone.

trust me theres no good side to my mum .

i tried for years to get her to like me she was and still is a user .

theres always got to be something in it for her . i have nothing to offer .

so she wasn't interested in me.

We have different mums I know but I used to have reoccuring terrible nightmares about mine, so I changed tactics with my sister Jo's help of forgiving people. I took control and starting sending and givng her love despite how hard it's been for me to do. The change is there in her, she's softened.

I did it for me because carrying around all that hate is harmful for me!

good for you if it works for you .

i tried for years it will never work . 

 

Depends if you have enough love in you because love can conquer everything!

yes hun thats why its  me and travis who spends hrs most weeks speaking to her son . she only wants to no derek when she has a problem to be sorted .she never rings him and when he rings her shes always to busy to talk 

love is a two way thing and there comes a time when you run out of steam and are fed up with being hurt .and you have to cut ties to protect your self .

Ah yes I have to agree with you there because does give love back despite the damage she's done to the generation in her charge. Yes you do what you have to do to protect you and those you love sis!

One day she'll be crying out for you though so be there then?

We as kids were made to eat everything that was put on the plate, even if we despised it...If we pushed the food around the plate the old man (so called father) snatched it off us, belted us, and made us go outside to do jobs. Then when it was tea time, we faced the same food from dinner time, warmed up!! Oh I could tell some stories about my childhood, but best not say anymore..Hope you're feeling better..Anne

Woah rough Anne! Someone said to me in my parents defence that it was the aftermath of war that made them like that, their parents in the war, having to be frugal, but I had friends whose parents weren't like that so I don't buy that excuse! And they had no excuse to be violent did they?

My parents were brought up with Mr Manners. They always had to leave something on their plate. It showed that they had eaten sufficient and so honoured their parents or hostess if away from home. That changed in 1939. 

By the time I was born Mr Manners was dead. Food was scarce and soon rationed. It was essential that you ate your ration. It was the minimum to keep you healthy. I remember sitting at table refusing to eat my barley pudding (substitute for rice pudding.) how I hated barley pudding, but I had to eat it. In my case it was post war and rations had been cut. We didn't have enough food to be healthy even. It was love that drove my mild tempered mother to insist I ate the loathsome pud. It was fear of being late for school that drove me to eat it, eventually.

We just cannot judge the behaviour of those days by today's standards amidst plenty and more besides.

in my granddads house if you took it you eat it .