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Isolation - Loneliness - Agoraphobia

Posted , 14 users are following.

jen_essex
jen_essex

Due to illness and agoraphobia my 'so called' lifelong friends... gradually gave up on me, I guess I wasn't much of a friend if always unwell & unable to go shopping, out socialising etc??!!

8 years on, my health has been sorted, but I'm still agoraphobic & my kids are grown up & all but one left home...one works abroad, one away at uni, one married with kids etc..the one still at home works full time, has a boyfriend so is hardly home.I have no brothers/sisters, my parents are very old & could really do with my help...which really makes me sad I can't be there for them.

In desperation I phoned verywhere i could think for help, eventually I got sone, I have an Occupational therapist visit fortnightly, trying to help me get out.its been nearly a year & I can now walk round my block, lthough still not alone, my time with her runs out next month & there is no one I can be refered on to? I am so scared.

I wake at night with a dreadful feeling of emptiness & loneliness, i only sleep in 2 hour blocks, whn I finally get up in the morning, i dont know what to do as whatever i occupy myslef with my mind still is aware of being alone & having no one to talk to & share wife with. When I say to my kids(adults) how I miss them etc they tell me not to say it as it makes them feel bd leaving me...so i must stop.

Doc, suggests antidepressants etc...but that wont solve my problem of having no friends etc. I was always well liked & fitted in with all sorts of people but now I am completely alone...its horrible.

I sometimes want to end it all as is is no life, in these 4 walls with no one but the dog to talk to. I wont end it ll as first I am not barve enough & I couldnt do it to my parents, it would kill them too, & as a one parent family for many years- my kids have no father (he walked out 15 years & never kept in touch with them)- i couldnt leave them with out a parent.

I just need advice on how to find a friend, someone to share my everyday problems/stories/ etc with. I need help on getting out of this situation. How can i make friends when agaoraphobic...i cant join a group/club etc... who would want a frind that stays home? I feel in a vicsious cycle i cant get ouf of... can anyone help...I truly ahve not a soul in the world just my daughter who has her own busy life...and gets upset knowing I am like this herself & its so not fair for me to go on about how i feel.

Writng this i feel embarrassed I have no one & feel sick with this empty sad feeling.

All advice appreciated ..thankyou

Jen

2 likes, 16 replies

16 Replies

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  • Ashley025
    Ashley025 jen_essex

    Posted

    Hey Jen

    I know it's been 5 years but I needed to reply hope you are already out of your house and did continue living. I struggle with the same problem. I have been homebound for 7 years. The other years I did go to school so I won't count those when I was at home I wouldn't go out either. But 7 years I have never went out in public. I even stay indoors all the time just sometimes I have to get grocery down from my moms vehicle. I'm tired too. I'm tired of existing. I've tried but it doesn't matter. Nothing helps me. I just wish someone would end my pain. I'm 24 right now. The 7 years passed by quickly and now I deeply regret it. But what could I do I panicked when I would go outside. I hate myself for that. I stayed home and these four walls just like you mention are my Prison. What prevented me from going out is now k*ll*ng me. So Jen if you're still on this website I want you to know you're not alone. I'm with you I struggle too I feel I'm pushing everyone down with me. (My family) I live with my mom only. But when my brother and sister and their partners amd kids come they stay. They want to go out to public places but because of me they dont. I feel so pathetic. I would end it but I think about my mom. I wish I didn't because sometimes I really don't care anymore. The pain is too much and these walls are driving me insane Im constantly in my mind. It's like I live there. I'm losing control. Please get help. Try to go out don't waste your life. It will get better your mind is lying to you. Nothing will happen if you go out. Just do it step by step until you can do it. Dont let the fear control you. Try to get the mail first. Then a week later of doing that go to the stop sign. I know it sounds cheesy but do it. Small steps at a time. Until you are better.🙌Keep living don't ever give up. There's always hope.👍

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