Just anxiety? Can't calm down.

Thank you. Tonight has just been a bad night in general. I started to calm down then a big fight broke out in my family which got everyone heated. I've been trying to calm down. My heart rate it's back in the high 80s but I'm so dizzy and lightheaded. The dizziness is weird. It's like something is just not right. I feel like im not real or that I'm not in control of my body, or my mind. I'm guessing depersonalization but I don't know. I should probably take ativan but I'm not in panic mode.. I'm just.. numb I guess. I don't know what to think or feel at this point...

hEY LOCKERBY I AM SITTING HERE REMEMBERING THAT NUMBING DIZZY OUT OF TOUCH FEELING LIKE I WAS GOING TO JUST ALMOST BLACK OUT. BUT OF COURSE I DIDN'T NEITHER WILL YOU. YOU PROBABLY SHOULD TAKE THE ATAVAN SINCE U ARE EXPIERIENCING SOME DEPERSONILATION AND JUST STOP FIGHTING IT GO INTO UR ROOM AND JUST LAY DOWN AFTER U TAKE THE PILL. DON'T TRY TO STAY AWAKE. THE ATAVAN WILL REALLY HELP. YOUR GOING TO BE FINE. 

I NOTICED U PLAY THE GUITAR U MUST BE QUITE CREATIVE AND A VERY SENSITIVE GUY. WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DO U PLAY? I KNOW THAT IS OFF THE SUBJECT BUT I WAS IMPRESSED WHEN I READ UR PROFILE. PLEASE TAKE THE PILL AND TRY TO LAY DOWN MAYBE PLAY UR GUITAR AFTER TAKING THE PILL FOR ABOUT 10 MIN. LONG ENOUGH TO DISTRACT URSELF AND THEN LAY DOWN. U HAVE TO SEPERATE URSELF FROM WHAT IS GOING ON. NO ONE IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF U BUT U.

I do a lot of reading unfortunately and that's what makes things worse. I read that ativan causes depersonalization sometimes. So it scares me. I'm going to try and just calm myself down without drugs. I've been playing off and on for a long time. I play whatever sounds good, I play more bass though. I'm trying to distract myself now.

GOOD DEAL PLAY UR GUITAR OR WHATEVER IT TAKES TO DISTRACT URSELF. I HAVE NEVER HEARD NOR EXPIERENCED THE ATAVAN OR XANAX DOING THAT AND I HAD A LOT OF DEPERSONILZATION IT IS SCARRY. YOU ARE A GREAT GUY MR. LOCKERBY. U MAY WANT TO TRY THE ATAVAN SOMETIME JUST BEFORE U ARE GETTING READY TO GO TO SLEEP THAT WAY U WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE DEPERSONALIZATION FEELING. IT WILL HELP U TO SLEEP, SINCE U SAID U HATE THE NIGHT. DON'T FORGET WE SCARE OURSELVES WITH TAKING DRUGS I AM CONVINCED, THAT IS WHY THERE ARE SO MANY SUFFERERS OUT THERE BECAUSE WE ARE ALL TERRIFIED OF DRUGS. BUT U DO WHAT U NEED TO DO FOR U. I HOPE U CAN SLEEP TONIGHT KIDDO.

Thank you! Where are you located at?

I AM IN COEUR D ALENE IDAHO 90 MIN. TO CANADA 30 MIN TO SPOKANE WA. ARE U IN ARIZONA?

Yeah, I'm in Arizona. Right by California and Nevada. Did you ever get really bad anxiety where you were scared of everything and you can't think of anything in your future without thinking you will always feel this way, and being extremely nervous anxious and sick.?

That pretty much explains exactly how I feel and I'm terrified of taking any meds. I took a .25 ativan the other night and maybe it was just because it wasn't enough but it didn't seem to work or just make my anxiety worse. Right now I feel really out of it and sick. My ear is ringing bad and I'm super tired but scared to go to sleep if feel like I can't because I'm sick to my stomach. It's all just s pain in my ass. My head feels like it had ask this pressure in it. It sucks.

Hey how much did the Dr. tell u to take for a dose of atavan. U need to drink some pepto bismol if u have any, or anything to sooth ur stomach. Ur head won't do anything. I had that pressure all the time and my left ear especially would ring so loud i thought Id go nuts. It still does actually they both ring when im stressed. I make sure there is an ipod or tv or something with noise when my ears ring like that. The best thing u could do if u could is take the atavan turn on some music or tv and let ur body drift off to sleep. It needs some sleep and something to calm u down a bit just so u can stop focusing so much on ur body symptoms and how u feel would be really helpful . That was part of my biggest problem was broken sleep the night scared me and my zinging back would wake me up all because i was afraid to take the xanax. I fought tooth and nail to not take any drugs .ur body needs some restorative sleep to calm down ur nervous system. 

It's almost 3 here and I've been back and forth in sleep. I will probably take the ativan because I NEED my sleep, I have an interview and a hearing test tomorrow. I'm so stressed and keep waking up thinking stupid and outrageous thoughts that I know are not true. My doc wrote the script as taking one 0.5 mg pill two-times a day as needed. Every time I have been to the ER and was given ativan they gave me 1 mg, but that goes without saying because that's nurses and doctors favorite go to when they can't calm a patient down. Lol. Well, I'm going to try and get some sleep.. wish me luck. If not I'll take a dang ativan. Goodnight ma'am.

Hey lockerby, What happened today did u get ur interview done and HEARING TEST DONE? I am anxiously awaiting to hear from u. Sorry u had such a bad night.

I haven't taken it yet, I go take it at one. It's almost 11 here. yeah.. I haven't got any sleep and it's making me fear everything and feel really really sick. I took .25 ativan and it made me feel worse before it made me feel better and I have no idea why. It's like nothing is going good for me at all.

Good luck I will be praying for u. I think the reason the atavan makes u feel worse before better is ur fear of taking it gets u jacked up until the pill kicks in then u start to relax. Please tell the Dr. u suffer from health anxiety don't keep that from him because if he doesn't know that, it will send him on a wild goose chase trying to check this and that and more test when all along it has so much to do with anxiety and the state ur body is in, remember anxiety mimics all kind of neurological disesas that aren't really there. So he needs to know that.U feel sick from all the stress . Ur not really sick, try to tell urself that I know easier said than done. You hang in there u will be FINE. Please let me know the outcome of his opinion kiddo.

Thank you so much. It's honestly very reassuring talking to you. Someone who has been through this and knows how it is. It means a lot to me. I have an appointment with my primary sometime next week.

Good I am glad u will be seeing ur primary care doc next week. I think after today u will feel better. All this anxiety waiting and imagining is unreal what it does to people. U know people that are artsy and musical have  very magical thinking which is good and it can scare u too because u are sensitive. Let me know how the appt. goes. 

Well unfortunately I drove all the way to my hearing test just for them to tell me that they can't do it because I need an authorization from my insurance. Today has been horrible. I haven't slept longer than a few hours, it's got a little better though. I got a job, came home, did some house work, and now I'm trying to relax a bit until a decent time to try and sleep. So we will see how it goes tonight.

Hey Lockerby sorry havent gotten back to u sooner, I have been gone all afternoon until now. I couldn't wait to get home to see how u are doing, and what the Dr. said. What a drag about your hearing deal. Leave it insurance crap to screw it up. Hey it is not a total waste today u got a job. What is the job. You need to take ur atavan tonight the entire dose u were perscribed and try to sleep.Please respond tonight I want to see how u are feeling.

Yeah that's true. It's a place called hastings. We sell movies, skateboards, comics, instruments, cds, books, shirts, novelty items from movies, comics, and stuff like that. I know I should but I'm just super nervous that'll make me feel bad again. I fell asleep for a little bit so I may try to take a couple hours to try and sleep first because I didn't sleep much last night. I was trying to explain earlier how I feel like..

head sensations

head pressure

head dizziness

scared of everything

scared of the outside world after the sun goes down

not feeling like myself

not enjoying anything anymore

depersonalized

Just not feeling real, the night takes a big toll on me. It's probably because of whatever I am dealing with deceases my vision at night. Everything just scares me.

Hey Lockerby, When I was living in australia is the time the anxiety hit bad the worst ever . My eyes started going blurry and I couldn't focus and I had squigglies in my eyes plus floaters and I was terrified to go outside because the gum trees looked like they were moving but they weren't and I remember going to the Dr. there telling this ozzie Dr. how I felt and started crying because I couldnt take the fear  any more and all I could think about was that everything didn't look real to me off and on and the world seemed way to big for me to be out in it, then the floor started moving up and down and it looked wavey when I told him that he put me on prozac right away so instead of taking what he prescribed I accidently took the whole pill (which was a double dose) and that made me feel even more detatched and scarred me so much I refused to take anymore pills, so needless to say I got worse and worse. Then the other problem I had was the dizzies and all I could think about was how was I going to fly 39 hours trapped in a plane with no way to get off if it was an inner ear problem so that freaked me out.So of course that elevated my already crazy anxiety thru the roof so all I did for the next 3 months anticipating the plane ride home  was get worse and worse. I even had a massage therapist come to my home in australia because I couldn't leave the house and as soon as she started to massage me I freaked out because I thought , to myself what if it is not my inner ear than maybe it is my neck then I got fraked about her touching my neck. So then she said she had these calming herbal drops and to tke them a put a few drops under my tongue to calm me down. So reluctantly I took a coup;e of drops and IMMEADIATLY FELT DIZZIER AND WIERD, well fast forward a few years and I realized all this stuff was conjured up in my head and it was making me crazy and more scared. So yes I have had all these horrible symtoms. 

Wow I am so sorry, that sounds so horrible! I couldn't even imagine. It's all very scary and the world being to big for me definitely explains a part of how I feel. The other feelings is like... I'm trapped inside my head. It's hard to explain but from what you're trekking me you've been through it. My mom's a nurse and hates talking to me about my anxiety because it also manifests in horrible ways and I quite taking the Lexapro. She does think it's inner ear issue because I'll be calm yet still dizzy, and ice never had these feelings with my anxiety before. It sucks. I just want to figure it out.

Hey Lockerby, your mom could be right I still believe I may meniers disease of the inner ear but not sure because I have had numerous bouts of the vertigo dizzy feelings but it was the last two bouts of them that I went off the deep end, and could not calm my body down because of how I reacted and what I told myself these feelings and dizziness meant . Then about 3 years ago I bent over to kiss my puppy goodnight and got up and the room was spinning and I went to the e.r. because I started telling myself here we go again.But he did something no other Dr. ever did . He told me many many people get freaked from the dizziness feeling from meniers or vetigo and they get anxiety attacks starting from it he also said he was going to do the eply menuver on me and then give me meclizine and a heavy dose of valuim and to go right to bed because he believed anxiety also triggers the inner ear into acting up. Well I went home and went to bed, I was to drugged up to be scared fell asleep and woke up in the morn and I was fine. That never happened before it would always linger the dizziness for up to weeks at a time but then I am not sure what happened but those other two bouts I had sent me over the edge was it my ear or was it the anxiety the big question is was the cart before the horse or the other way around. There has never been a Dr. who could explain was it anxiety that triggered the ear or the ear that triggered the anxiety. It was quite telling I thought that for the first time ever the dizzies went away as I slept because my body was totally drugged and relaxed.

Wow! That is a great doctor, not for drugging you up of course lol. But to help you make sense of everything. I don't know how many doctors I've been to that say oh its just you're anxiety and send me on my way after taking my blood and not even testing it. In your opinion what works better, ativan or Valium? I never liked Xanax. I tried it once, it may have been my anxiety but it made me more anxious so I never took it again. I never tried kolonopin which is the other benzo. I've been wanting to try the eply but no one would offer it or even know what it is. I'm hoping that the dizziness and balance specialist will give that abs maybe vistibular rehab therapy a try. What meds do you take again? I can't remember if I asked you, also do you ever forget things.. like you try to remember your day but it's really hard or things you've just done seems like it was hours ago?

Thats a good question which drug is better. I don't know I know I use to own assisted living facilities and the elderly were always put on lorazapam or atavan especially, it helped their agitation and anxiety. My mom use to take valuim for her anxiety and she could still function throughout the day but she of course only would take it if she was feeling real anxious. It worked great for her. Dr. are getting a little freaky about perscribing any of these drugs anymore it seems like, I have a feeling that before the drug takes effect on u that u don't like the wierd feeling it gives u nor do I, I think before it has time to take effect u are already freaked out a bit at the feeling it gives u so that is what u remember. What did u not like about xanax and the one u take now. I bet the same thing it makes u feel wierd. They all do for a short while until they take effect. I am so anti drugs by the way I know it doesn't sound like it but I am. But when it comes to being chemically imbalanced in the brain I feel like some of us need to quite trying to control something that we are not mentally equioed to control. If u had type 1 diabetes u would take ur insulin to save ur life so what is the difference. I wish there wasn't such a stigma attatched to those of us that take the drugs. I have friends from all walks of life that take antidepressant and they are the most fun people and full of life. Which u will be again. I take zoloft and limectal which is a mood stabilizer it is wonderful, my Dr. said he is putting many people on the limectal when antidepress, don't work for them. Have u ever tried mood stabilizers this one he said in actuality has almost 0 side effects, which of course was good for me since I am so scared of drugs. I do take .25 xanax just to sleep it doesnt make me go to sleep but it slows me down enough that I can read and get sleepy.