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Hi. This is my first time ever posting this on the web. I'm nervous and relucant to try but I feel that I have no choice. I am being treated for severe depression, which at first just meant that I was on medication and life seemed to be manageable and I'd go as far as saying that I was "Happy". I dont know when or how or what the trigger was but now I'm on two types of medication for my depression. No matter what happens, I just cant or dont feel happy any more. I have no passion or zest to get up every morning, I'd rather just stay in bed and disappear.
I'm married to the love of my life, have a beautiful step daughter. I'm employed which these days are getting harder to do, I'm good at what I do. My parents are healthy, my brother and his wife have a 3yr old boy.
Yet, I want to disappear. I feel insignificant, worthless and hopeless. I feel that if I died today no one would care. All of this I know isn't true, but at the same time I don't believe it. And now it's starting to effect my work. It started at first to just a day off, then 2. There are days at work that I feel that I'm in way over my head, that I have no idea what I'm doing or if I do know I have no idea where to start. Work so far has been understanding, my next step is to go to a counsellor. Which is covered under my benefits, yet I'm dragging my feet. Just recently I have been off work due to problems with my stomach and not being able to go to the bathroom. I believe in my heart that 50% of this problem is because of my depression. I just called in to work again sick and I could hear the disgust / non caring attitude in their voice. I'm at risk of losing a job I love.
Can anyone help me before it's too late.
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