Just need some support

HI nancy,

I am soon to be 43.I have had messed up periods for years.They were every 28 days but now every 26 days.I will bleed for several days,stop bleed again,and then spot different shades til I ovulate.Then nothing til next period.Told gyn,ct showed mild thickening of uterine lining.I don't know if stress has brought this on so sudden,but I have been having hormonal symptoms for years,and then bam 2 months ago,all these crazy emotions,they are the worst.I will take physical symptoms anyday.

I'm supposed to cook dinner for my dad Wednesday,and I'm thinking will I get through this.You made me laugh,it's like we are possessed.If it wasn't so terrible it would be a comedy.I love this forum.

Hi Beth, you are normal. Yesterday I was so low I thought I wasn't going to make it. Laid across the bed and cried, on my birthday no less. Made it to work today, wanted to kill everyone. Now this evening I'm okay. Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde that's me.🙄

You will continue make it. God and this forum have been my saving grace.

I know how you feel, on my birhday noone remembered me,, not even my sons.

depressing.

how old are we now? 

x0x

I turned 29 LOL!!!!(59). I don't know why I was so low. On the 22nd my BFF took me to the movies and out to lunch and gave me a wonderful gift (more of a blessing really).  My coworker baked me chocolate cupcakes! My timeline on Facebook was full of birthday wishes. Another BFF took me to brunch and gave me some awesome gifts.  My nephews gave me gifts and my sisters and my niece came by bearing gifts and cards. I did get a chance to talk to my niece (she's 47 and had had a full hysterectomy, so she gets it).  I did feel better after we talked. Today I'm still getting belated birthday wishes.

Now when I look at all I have written why was I laying on my bed crying on my birthday? Because meno depression. That's why. Because when I read what I've written you I really had a great birthday.

Yeah,

I guess when you are low with this memo depression, it doesn't really matter who give you what, it's terrible and it's a sin that we are bearing this kind of cross.

I know what you mean..unfortunately.

One thing is being down, but that's not what this is. Nowhere near close.

My heart goes out. Atleast you've got tons of support, n people around you that care, but like you say, it doesnt tak away the mood.

Xoxo

I totally agree with you, Maui. Last night, I had a complete emotional meltdown at my boyfriend's. I was inconsolable, and felt that I just couldn't go on living. It was that bad!! I can't even explain to others how awful this actually is. The only ones who truly understand are those who are living it.

This afternoon, things improved quite a bit. I feel much closer to normal, but I am just so fragile all the time. I am easily overwhelmed, and I can be filled with dread, panic, and the most unspeakable darkness.

No wonder some women end their lives over this!

Each time my mood turns, though, I am so happy that I am still here, and I feel that the future holds possibility again.

It is an absolute sin that we must bear this pain!

My heart goes out to all of the women who are suffering.

Bev xo

Exactly

Those who truly feel this crazy low mad depression can "get it"

I am also by no means downplaying anyones  difficulty, but when you are scary low..its another ballgame altogether.

At least you can count on your evening normal..such a blessing. don't give up ever Bev.

Im never giving up so you don't either!

Please message me or even call me whenever you think you need extra support. We all need eachother through these times.

xoxox

Yes Maui, everyone, gets a little low sometimes, but this is completely different. I mean everyday is a struggle. I do tend to feel better when I get off work. Like I said, great coworkers but so done with my job. It is only by the grace of God that I get up and go every day. It has taken everything that I have in me to not turn in my resignation. But I need the money and the healthcare.

I'm sorry that your sons didn't remember your birthday. But young people are so into themselves these days. I don't know when it is but Happy Birthday!

I'm sitting here at work and we were just awarded a grant.  My other coworkers are so excited. I could care less. I just want 4:00 to come so I can leave. I feel so oppressed when I'm at work. No wonder women leave their jobs. When you're at work you have to be "on" all the time. Right know I have my earplugs in listening to meditation.  ((((hugs))))

Yes, It would be comedy, if we all didn't feel so crappy!  But let me let you, some of the ladies on here have given me some great laughs. When I first got on this forum one lady said she wished "it (menopause) would just kill her and get it over with". Now that is a profound statement. You don't know whether to laugh or cry about that statement, but laughed because at that moment I knew I had found a great place to vent and be understood.

I know Juanita I know.

The job can bring you down for sure when your feeling oppressed by it. You will get better when you do something you live to do, you will blossom again.

I don't feel at this time that I'm capable of caring or have energy to do anything other than my boys and try and get through the day w work.

I'm hoping that it gets better, but quite frankly I don't think it will. I'm 54. I'm supposed to hang in there so that's what I do.

I actually had a lot of zest prior to this. Boundless energy, enthusiasm, it was contagious.

I don't know that person anymore.

Do you find it hard to fake it around people in your life?

I do. I try and smile though, and it helps a bit, but it's exhausting.

Well?

Here's to the good life sister.

I haven't lost my wit.

Xoxo

It is exhausting to fake it around other people.

Don't give it will get better! I'm hanging on by a thread.

🙏🤯🤗

Mauiblue - You won't lose your wit! Hang on to that dear sister. You are all a family to me and were there for me when it all hit! I do get bummed seeing that some people post for a bit and then never return. It would be great if they would come back on and tell us that they made it to the other side; that they found themselves again, wouldn't it? I cling to each day that I feel better emotionally. I had to fake it for so long when this all came crashing down. Here's to the good life for all of us!

Its hard to fake it for sures...Im sorry you are hanging on by a thread, we are here and its good to atleast get it out on the forums where you can be 100% real. Thats how i feel. Here its the real deal.

Im not sure how long you have been dealing with this Finny..since summer? or longer? I am happy that you are so supportive and actually getting better.

I also wish that we would hear ladies come back on the forum and post about their success, and relief. I know i certainly will.

but I hate to be debbie downer ..for me its kinda been too long dealing with this, 1 1/2 yrs. so im accepting that its the cross i will bear. 

And perhaps this is also why women dont come back to post, because they dont get better either.

sorry for the negativity but ...

if there was anything i could take for this dreadful world of gloom, i would take it. I would bargain with the devil i thinnk....at least i would have me back for awhile, and live life again, get things done, fall in love, get in great shape again, go dancing, go back to school, travel to portugal and greece and wales and India...the list goes on and on.

so many things i will not be doing because of this...

Mauiblue - On an emotional scale of 1-100 this has been how I would describe my progression; I was about a 20 in June, 30 in July, 40 in August, 60 in September and now I'd say I'm about a 80. If my progesterone cream is placebo for now...I'm enjoying the placebo. I'm starting to wonder though, I may have to get something prescription as I am starting to have urinary stuff that is new along with other peri symptoms on the list. 

While June was the worst time in my life and as hard as this is to say, I have an entirely different appreciation for what a GIFT being joyful and having a passion for life is. Would I have had this appreciation had I not gone through it? Would I be able to encourage and have compassion for others had I not gone through it? When I read your description of how you felt prior to all of this - you are describing so much of me.  

I recently posted that I wonder if it's harder on the ones like us that really felt they could do so many things and truly had a zest for life?

My experience wasn't gradual - mine literally hit within 2 days after my June menstruation; had no idea I was heading to skip my very first period at 49 followed by a period 35 days the next cycle (always 28 days), followed by one that was just 16 days apart. It's obvious with all of my symptoms that my hormones are plummeting rapidly. 

I am so humbled by this as none of us really knows how long certain parts of our symptoms will last or return? I am enjoying each day that I am feeling myself (physical symptoms are ALL there, all NEW each week). Like you I hate to be a Debbie Downer! I ache for what you are going through because I can now say I know what you are going through. (HUGS)

I want to be realistic that this could be a very long ride based on so many stories the women have shared here. Some have off and on symptoms for 10-15 years. My cousin has been having symptoms for 8 years. Some women don't get hit until 5-6 years post meno. If I'm having all of this heading up to Meno - what's it going to be like for me? That's the reality; none of us knows. I'm learning what One day at a Time means. 

I never thought I would be a person that would have to take something; but unfortunately I am in that 30%. Never thought I'd be faced with quality of life decisions due to Menopause. But that is the turn in the road that I had to take. Who knows? Maybe I will quit the progesterone cream and go back to toughing it out without intervention? I don't know. I've read SO many stories here of women who did just that only to start the hormones; and then they say "I should've done this at the onset - lost so many years". wow. It's such an individual choice that can have it's own challenges and potential consequences. And then there are other women that describe that it all "lifted" or that it got better. It's the unknown. 

I truly believe we will look back on these posts someday and be amazed and grateful that we made it though and we sojourned with some amazing ladies along the way! 

Finny!  This is me hugging you...bring it in! 🤗

Thanks so much for your thoughtful response Finny. Very very sweet of you. 

Im a realist, and also very optimistic, or used to be.

But when you are dealing with something as debilitating as this for the length of time ive been in it. then the optimism wears down. 

Im noticing and comparing as the months go by, and I see im slowly getting worse. I continue to put my one foot forward, but when you've tried everything basically, and there is no relief then you know you are dealing with something that's more than just a few difficult months.

Each woman as you say will have a differnent 'journey' lets just put it that way.

Some women its quick, others go on and on and on. Others its mental breakdown, depression etc. (like myself) others its physical. 

One thing is that it is not over night. I can only do my best everyday, and I will do just that until I cant anymore. 

When I have a few hours of reprieve, its unreal, im walking on air, I have to pinch myself. I understand and am humbled by just having myself back.  Im excited of the prospect of going back to my life as I knew it, and begin to do things, curiosity is aroused again, interest In things again. then I wake up with a dark nights sleep and know that im far from well

Soo yeah, its a journey and im down for it!! Lovin it! Every moment of it! I will get through it, and it may take til im 60 or older, but I guess its the cross I bear. an that's how im seeing it. 

go and don't stop til you drop. 

Thank you so much for your words of support. 

xoxoxoxo

I love it, LOU! 🤗I just love this place!

Any updates on your BCP? Did I miss any news?

I'm waiting for you to get started so you can report good news! Was reading again this morning and found another study that stated that all of the dizziness, vertigo, and migraines are caused by fluid retention due to drop in hormones. So....I am POSITIVE, Lou, that once you get that steady stream of hormones again....you will make that turn in the road girl!

I think I mentioned my regular GP (not my gyno) is also a huge proponent of the BCP? She suggested it until my periods are finished and then to start up on the bio-identical hormones that she is a HUGE advocate of and has been on for 10 years. I'm seeing marked results with that natural progesterone cream - but plan B (BCP) is on the back burner!