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Just need to switch off these thoughts :(

Posted , 9 users are following.

fee25
fee25

I'm sure nobody will be up at such early hours in the morning but the voice in my head is going at me extra hard tonight so I just need a place to vent. 

It's just not fair that the only change of my condition seems to be that it gets worse when you think it definitely can't rather than getting better. Yes, it steadies off at times but it is still a miserable, joyless period until the next crash and burn. I have never, ever felt such intense feelings of hate - to the point where it physically burns and aches, and feeling this towards myself, whom I can't even escape from is just too much!!! At least before I was able to sleep, yes I was sleeping far too much but since being attacked again I lye awake every night and whenever I do briefly fall asleep I'm plagued with horrible, vivid nightmares. I look as dreadful as I feel, it's all making me physically ill but nothing will change. Even my therapist says I make little to no progress, despite seeing things clearly, my mindset is too stuck. I deserve being attacked, I deserve being raped, and I deserve being robbed because I am such a worthless and pathetic excuse for a human. I am disappointing and just hurting everyone around me. I'm losing touch with all the people I once held dear. 

I literally just want a break, why is that so much to ask for? 

I cannot comprehend how people can feel depressed for years upon years, it's only been about 14 months for me and I am already ready to throw my hands up and quit. I just wish I could stop being so weak and pathetic, even for a little while sad 

2 likes, 19 replies

19 Replies

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  • thedelboy
    thedelboy fee25

    Posted

    No one deserves to be raped or robbed, I have been robbed at knifepoint here in the UK and also robbed at gunpoint whilst abroad! As well as being robbed in my own home again here in the UK! When I was robbed at home the Police wanted to charge me for using excess force ejecting the bloke? I am a disabled male in my 50s! Apparently because the attacker had a previous brain injury. I should have just took getting bashed with a lump of wood!! You can't make it up how the Police deal with some people the blokes stepfather's family are mostly local police officer's explains it all!! I now have protection all over my home so if ever there is a next time I will do whatever I have to to protect myself, you should do the same! The way things are in this country now the Police arrest the criminals and the courts let them go so the Police look at the easiest targets that way at least their time looks like it has been well spent as they at least made an arrest! I complained to another force and they investigated and agreed I was in the right ! And folk wonder why some of us suffer depression or why we become agoraphobics !
    • fee25
      fee25 thedelboy

      Posted

      That is absolutely awful!!!! Being robbed is one thing, being robbed at knife or gunpoint would just be utterly terrifying!! 

      That's the thing with the police here, if you do act to protect yourself, you become the criminal! It makes absolutely no sense. Protecting yourself and your home should not be a crime! And more often than not the police aren't interested anyway. If you've been robbed it's meaningless - I appreciate they are very busy but these crimes seem to be treated so meaninglessly now, it's sad. 

      It is hard living in a world where even those who are supposed to protect us fight against us. 

  • jran
    jran fee25

    Posted

    Its a sad world when you cant walk somewhere & be safe at home but that is what it

    is heading too.

     

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