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Just when you think

Posted , 5 users are following.

dondons
dondons

Had a bad day today, everyday is bad but past few days haven't been quite so bad as usual...now? Well now I realise not to think/hope/pray that it'll last because it just doesn't! At least not for me! And even if it did it's no life to live! Feel I can't win! Life is frigging tough! Used to think I was stuck in a rut...now I'm coming to realise that the "rut" is just my life!.....my life? If only that was all I had to worry about! I have 5 little lives that come before mine and feel like I'm ruining theirs...actually I know I am and I hate it!!! Nothing I want/need/try ever seems to help and without sounding even more ridiculous than I am....I feel like I'm cursed! Feel like anything I try/do just doesn't work or isn't enough

2 likes, 19 replies

19 Replies

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  • patricia44773
    patricia44773 dondons

    Posted

    You said one very important thing in your rant here, Dondons, you said that life is tough....and it is.  For some it's harder than others, and then they have to be braver and stronger than the rest.  YOU ARE.  You will not let those five little lives down.

    I admire you so much, I have watched your struggles and seen how you have supported others, you are needed.  You are special.

    I wish I could help more.  I just want you to know that you are appreciated more than you know.

    Pat xxx

    • dondons
      dondons patricia44773

      Posted

      That's really kind of you to say, thank you xx

      But I really don't feel that way, i don't feel strong in any way, shape or form infact it's just the opposite x

  • lorraine52317
    lorraine52317 dondons

    Posted

    Hi dondons

    raising 5 little ones is a very hard job at the best of times, when unwell it's a massive achievement to be responsible for so many. I raised four children on my own and can really relate to how tough it must be for you. Do you get support from your family with the little ones? I think you desperately need a break, 'you time'

    Try listing the things/situations that make you feel in a rut. Then try listing what you could do to ease or remove the rut. eg . Money problems off to citizens advice (or something similar debt management) if not in the UK.

    Child care. ..explore if you can get any external help or eligible for funding a certain amount of hours childcare.

    If it's relationships...how can they be made better etc.

    my guess it's an accumulation of feeling unwell and juggling all your responsibilities. If you can get a break, I think it would really benefit you. Are you in the UK? If so, consider tapping into support from charitable organisations or perhaps chatting with a duty social worker attached to your local council. (They may be able to give you funding for help)

    I know you have had a bad day today, tomorrow will bring new challenges. List and plan what you can do to make life a little easier for yourself.

    You are not cursed, but feeling unwell and overwhelmed.

    God bless ♥♥♥

    • dondons
      dondons lorraine52317

      Posted

      Thank you for your reply xx

      I have help from my family, I'm currently living at my sisters with my 4 youngest, my eldest, she's 16 is having her first counselling session tomorrow, I got her an appointment with my counsellor, feel like he needs to open his diary up for the other 4 as all I'm doing is messing their lives up! Everytime I've tried to take my life people have said "think of the children" but what they don't get is that that's exactly what I'm doing!

    • lorraine52317
      lorraine52317 dondons

      Posted

      Bless you dondons

      you would be messing up their lives if you were not there for them. But you are there for them and they know they are loved. Are your other children of an age where they can understand mummy's not well? If they grasp the fact that it's an illness, they will be able to accept and adapt. Their comfort will be in knowing 'it's not anything they are doing' mummy's unwell today.

      Are you in the UK Don? If so see if you qualify to tap into 'direct payments' from social services. You can spend this money, anyway you like to help you and your family.

      don't be so hard on yourself. ..you are doing amazing in very difficult circumstances ♥♥♥

    • dondons
      dondons lorraine52317

      Posted

      My daughter is 16, my son has just turned 14, my baby boy has just turned 8 and my twin girls are 6 x

      I am messing up their lives, wish I could say I wasn't but I am! The babies don't understand, kids are resilient though right? I only wish that were true! Kids should enjoy life and not have any worries, it's just not fair on them, I hate that I'm like this I honestly feel they'd be better off in the long run without me.

      Yes I'm in the uk, money is the very least of my worries though, never had it, don't even want it, just want some kinda Normal life for my children...and me xx

    • lorraine52317
      lorraine52317 dondons

      Posted

      Carry on being strong..no hurting yourself.

      I think you are not giving yourself enough credit. You are clearly trying very hard to improve the quality of your life and the lives of your children. I do think you should pursue your talent for writing. ♥♥

    • DawnDedee
      DawnDedee dondons

      Posted

      I get that.  And I take it a step further and say, what about MY pain?  My last hospital admission taught me something important.  I gave and gave to the needs of my children, but I forgot to replenish myself.  I was on empty.  I needed to refill my own tank.  Yes I love my children!  But my needs count too.  On every air plane when they instruct us about how to use the oxygen masks, they always tell us to put our own mask on first before we try to help others.  

      Balance.

      Good life advice.  Find ways to refill your tank.

      Thinking of you,

      Dawn, USA

  • kayla1865
    kayla1865 dondons

    Posted

    I hope that everything gets better for you. Just remember that those 5 children of yours need you, & try to show them a lot of love. In turn, their happiness will ease your pain (even if only a little bit). 
    • dondons
      dondons kayla1865

      Posted

      They need so much more than me, they know I love them, I know that much, I show them a lot of love but I also show them a lot of misery (not meaning to) but you ("I") can't hide the truth as much as I try they all know I'm "poorly" but they don't get it...I don't get it! It just it what it is and feel there's nothing I can do (that I haven't already tried) to shield them from it xx
    • dondons
      dondons

      Posted

      Not sure how that smiley got in there...sorry x
    • kayla1865
      kayla1865 dondons

      Posted

      All I've got to say, is keep pushing through this for them. You deserve happiness, & so do they. 
    • dondons
      dondons

      Posted

      I have tried, if im honest I'm not sure what else there is to try xx
    • kayla1865
      kayla1865 dondons

      Posted

      Depression is ugly, & I've had it, since my dad passed away.. I wish you the best. Keep your head up, & never give up. smile
    • dondons
      dondons kayla1865

      Posted

      Thank you, wishing better days for you but think ive given up now so angry and frustrated with myself with life! xx
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