Listing all the BAD alcohol gave to me

Posted , 11 users are following.

I don't miss....

Waking up in the morning frightened....unti I had that first sip of alcohol.

​Throwing up when I brushed my teeth

Going to the store in my pajamas with an overcoat to get alcohol as soon as I could

The look on the store clerks faces when they saw me at 8am

Not showering for days on end

Not eating for days on end

Missing family functions

Getting into bed with my clothes on

Getting into a dirty bed because I hadn't washed my clothes for days

​Listening to the men pick up the trash and hearing all the bottles clanging into their garbage trucks

Avoiding phone calls

Sending messages that were drunk messages to people I used to care about

Being distant from my b/f and peope I cared about

Not being able to be there for someone who asked for my help because I was too drunk to drive

Drinking stale beer because there was none in the house

Drinking vanilla extract because I couldn't make it to the store until I had a "shot" of alcohol

Drinking mouthwash at 2am because I had run out of beer and no stores were open

​Thinking of drinking "hand sanitizer" because of the large alcohol content when there was no alcohol around.

Driving in my car and needing to take a shot to complete my drive home..worrying about cops stopping me and dragging me into the station.

Going to the hospital at least 1x a month to be rehydrated and detoxed

Missed the ceremony for my dead sponser because I was so drunk

Missing important appointments because I was so drunk

The high blood pressure

The diarrhea (although this is stil a problem)

The vomiting half way thru the day and then resuming the drink

Putting bills aside and forgetting they were due (had to pay 2 months of mortgage in Feb because Jan I totally forgot to pay my mortgage).

​When I worked...missing work or not functioning correctly to do my job

Obsessing in the shower before work about how many hours were left before I could have a beer

Sneaking a beer into work when I would work overtime on a Saturday

People at work noticing the decline in my looks

​Losing muscle mass and strength in my body

​The light hurting my eyes so much that even on rainy days wearing sunglasses

Being afraid to leave the house whilst someone would see how horrible I looked

Having no connection with the outside world via computer or watching TV

Just sitting in one place drinking and smoking as much as I could.

​Waking up with bruises and not remembering how I got them.

Not taking proper care of my cat (changing litter or feeding)

​I don't miss any of these things....and probably some more that I can not think of right now. 

The best feeling in the world for me right now is to get up in the a.m..talk with you guys....eat breakfast.. look forward to my 3pm tea....and what I am going to cook for dinner...getting in my CLEAN pajamas...at around 9...and watching TV...taking the sleeping pills...reading my book and going to sleep with a smile on my face...that I made it another day!

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  • Posted

    Vanilla extra tastes of alcohol?

    I can't touch mouthwash, I try to gargle and the throat tries to swallow it, so it gets spat out after about half a second.

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  • Posted

    I love this post Misssy, I can relate to a lot of these.

    The clanging of the bottle bin being take by the recycling collectors... Total shame. I've been there far too often.

    But I related most to being afraid to leave the house incase people saw how horrible I looked. There have been days were I haven't showered or washed my hair and look an absolute mess - the only willpower I have on those days is to acquire more drink, I put no effort into anything else. On those days I'll make sure I drive to a store so remote no one will know who I am so they can't comment on my obvious decline.

    But my favourite part is the end, simple and serene, nothing better than going to bed with a smile on your face - especially when wearing clean pyjamas.

    There's is nothing better than being clean and fresh, especially when you remember the squalor you have subjected yourself to in the past.

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    • Posted

      Feel free to add the ones I forget.

      Your post made me fill up with tears...YES, going to bed with clean sheets, clean pjs and a smile is the best. 

      I remember being drunk and reading  posts like this that reminded me of how broken I became and being p*ssed off at the person for writing it and putting it in my face...which I almost didn't post it for that reason.

      BUT...then I thought...even thou I hated those posts when I was struggling with alcohol...some of those posts planted seeds in my head that I needed and grabbed on to when I finally tried AGAIN and AGAIN to be sober.

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    • Posted

      I remember being on a packed train going to work and someone commenting how it smelt of alcohol, knowing full well it was me. sad That was a low point.

      Counting down the hours in work until your next drink - torture.

      Drinking on lunch hour just to get through the rest of the day and going back to work hoping no one will come and speak to you so they don't realise you're drunk.

      I agree with you, sometimes focusing on the negatives gives you a certain perspective of what has been and what you don't want to go back to.

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  • Posted

    Hi.missy2 I've done ALL those things ! ! And now I feel quilty and depressed about it.- so I'm going to do some gardening to take my mind off the horrible things i did.So ashamed of myself especially upsetting people.XX
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    • Posted

      susan...glad your going garden...smile.  I just put stuff in crock pot for a "chicken pie". 

      Chicken breasts...3

      onion

      garlic salt

      pepper

      frozen peas and carrots

      cream of chicken soup

      cream of mushroom

      milk

      chicken broth

      Just thrown in crock pot...ready in 3 hours.

      I bought biscuts this a.m. to put the mixture over later.

      My b/f will probably opt for the healthier RICE version....but simple to make BUT wouldn't have been simple if I were drinking...I wouldn't have had the energy to go to the store at all.  Or set the dish up.

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    • Posted

      Hi susan60053, I try not to mention my route to recovery; it seems to get under some people's skin. 

      May I say, try to put some things right without causing more problems to people you may have upset. And; stop beating yourself up. It's all in the past; you'll have a new life sober - or controlled drinking.

      Be kind to yourself. You have an illness; so don't be ashamed. 

       

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  • Posted

    Well done, Missy, it's good to celebrate how far you've come
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    • Posted

      Just trying to remind myself of the h*ll I put myself and others thru...just to make it thru another day of sobriety.

      I hoped to also plant seeds for anyone still drinking sad.....I still have the bad cigarette habit and lingering depression...but nothing like I did in January.

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    • Posted

      One day at a time Misssy, you've kicked the worst of the habits, the rest will follow suit. Be immensely proud of yourself, I am proud of you. You've done something incredible, I hope one day I can emulate that.
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  • Posted

    Well done you! Like you list, can relate to most of them. Thing I'm going to do my own list and put it on the fridge! Like your recipe too, going to try it! You've come so far and we all like to hear your ups and downs. Take care xx
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