Living hell
Posted , 12 users are following.
September 12th, 2021 , my lady and I were at myrtle beach, it was our second day there. we were shopping at the tanger outlets and as we were leaving before I could merge on to the highway I completely blacked out at the wheel. it was maybe 2 or 3 seconds of unconsciousness and as I opened my eyes everything was a blur, everything was splotchy and black and I thought I was having a heart attack. I called an ambulance and got sent to the er down there , they told me it was just dehydration. the following day I felt a little woozy and dizzy in the morning and thought maybe it was the fluids they gave me the night before. we had a dolphin tour scheduled and next thing I know driving down the interstate i blacked out for like half a second 5 times, I git an Uber to the hospital and still nothing. from that day out I was dizzy as hell and we stayed at our hotel the rest of our trip and luckily my cousins were staying 30 minutes from us and one knew how to drive a stick shift so they took us and my car home. from that point forward my life hasn't been the same , I feel like a flag waving on a pole constantly , I'm in constant fear of blackouts and heart attacks, it took me 6.5 months to even try to drive again. I'm in constant fear, constant panic, im dizzy 24/7 ,and im talking super dizzy. i don't enjoy life like I used to ,at all, life isn't the same. I got put on blood pressure meds and zoloft, then in November I got covid and it seemed to make everything worse, and one of my best friends took his own life in November as well. December 6th 2021 I almost took my own life, I got sent to a mental health place for 7 days to detox off of my medicine , ive since tried 4 or 5 other medications ,none have worked , I got taken off my blood pressure meds because lately my blood pressure has been lower rather than high like it was.
I feel like I will never escape this hole I'm in. I don't want to live in fear daily, I don't want to be dizzy daily, I want to get back to my normal self, I want to be able to do the things I used to do. I constantly check my heart rate, ive been to the er countless amount of times, ive had multiple tests with neurology and cardiology, nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing, no answers. I've had 33 appointments with a chiropractor since January and it was the only thing that slightly helped me but not by much ,but now I haven't been in a month because my insurance can't cover anymore visits.
the way I've felt since September last year, Is so disabling, crippling, and depressing. I have had cardiophobia and been a hypochondriac... self diagnosed .... since 2017 but over those years I learned to cope, but these last 10 months I haven't been able to cope, at all. whatsoever. I can't work, drive, eat, sleep, go outside , play with my pets, do the things with my wife that I used to be able to do, I can't do anything at all that I used to be able to do without being in constant panic mode and constant severe dizziness....
idk what to do anymore
im a 23 year old male by the way..
I could go on and on and on ,but this post has been long enough
I just don't know what to do anymore....
0 likes, 16 replies
jessica37797 zacbg32
Edited
I don't have the answers.... but i want you to know you are not alone. Anxiety is crippling. Sometimes i wish a doctors visit would identify a serious health issue, so all these symptoms would make sense, but it always seems to be anxiety for me. It is exhausting, depressing and so hard to keep going. But you are not alone, and there are so many people going through what you are experiencing. Always honor your symptoms and if it brings you peace go to ER, be kind to yourself, and you will start to trust your body again.
zacbg32 jessica37797
Posted
thank you for your kind words jessica, its so hard to live like this , i havw days where i dont want to, but i just keep pushing
jessica37797 zacbg32
Edited
I can totally empathise. Have you ever watched some of the health anxiety videos on you tube? When I get really stressed I find that they help bring me back down a little. There are also some ok CBT videos that can teach you some coping mechanisms.
zacbg32 jessica37797
Edited
ive tried both. I've tried countless amounts of things. honestly I've been reading other people's stories on here for about a month now when I lay down and night and it helps me settle for the night
joanne58498 zacbg32
Posted
i find this comforting too. we are not alone
christina999 zacbg32
Edited
Hi Zac & Jess,
I just wanted to thank you for your posts and express that I could not empathize more.
At the start of the new year, a mountain of things culminated for me and I began experiencing constant fight or flight anxiety. Like I was falling off a building for weeks, with no reprieve. Then came the most unthinkably terrorizing night time panic attacks. I was convinced institutionalization was the next step. I am a psychotherapist (of course), and it all started with me fainting during session with a client! Since then, things snowballed into what can only be described as a "living hell." Even as a mental health professional, I had NO idea how much a mental illness could bring someone to their knees (quite literally, and physically!) Since February, I've had no appetite whatsoever (and foodiness was previously a big part of my identity), my body has lost the ability to rest, nevermind sleep (unless medicated - though it is never restful), every ounce of energy has been drained from my body, so forget "exercising to improve mental health" (I loose consciousness when I try). I am in a constant state of debilitating anxiety - it's no longer panic attacks, it's just always (complete constriction of the throat muscles, a squeezing of the heart, muscle weakness, burning in my arms and hands, internal vibrations, shaking, dizziness, nausea, brain fog, and an inability to concentrate on any activity without symptoms rising to unbearable levels. I obviously haven't worked in months and truly cannot do much of anything. With much sedative medication, I somehow managed to get through my wedding day in May, but my poor hubby, who I adore and have built a life with over the past 9 years, is just at a loss for how to help me. Even I, as a therapist, am at a loss as this goes beyond the scope of my training or any literature I could find online without diving into scary Freudian case studies from a hundred years ago. It truly feels like a physical illness, but alas, everything is somehow clear so far. I've got a few more tests lined up and can relate to Jess' wish that they could find something physical to explain this torment. It's just a type of malaise that none of my personal or professional tools have been a match for. But there has to be a way out! Wanting to end your life when in such pain is entirely normal, and just the body and brain's way of trying to help by providing a solution for peace and relief, which everyone deserves in this life! So please don't feel alone in that, or frightened by it. I go there nearly every day. How could you not when literally everything feels painful? I'm very sorry to hear about your friend and attempt. I hope you can find the reasons to keep pushing. I'm with you in that. Maybe we can't play with our pets, but we can cuddle them.
I truly hope we could all keep making it through each agonizing day in hopes that it can lift in time and with continued effort. Thanks for reading this long post. Sending you strength and affirming that you're NOT alone.
Warmly,
Christina
Laura2299 christina999
Posted
Christina, thank you so much for your post. so much of it makes sense and I'm reassuring. I'm really struggling with my anxiety at the moment and just trying to push through it. It was triggered by Covid a week ago - I can usually get myself out of it within a few days but this episode does not want to seem to quit. I'm struggling to eat, sleep or have enough energy to do anything. Still testing positive too.
joanne58498 christina999
Posted
christina your message really touched me. ive just had w return of my anxiety. my last bout was 4 years ago. i never wanted to feel this way again. i too have no appetite but fell sick and have diarrhea. as soon as i get these feeling my anxiety goes through the roof. i cant sleep but im exhausted. i am on 40 mg of citalopram. also been given some diazepam. im hoping it works and you too will feel better soon
Mono_too christina999
Posted
Hi Christina,
I have been diagnosed with Epstein Barr virus following mono. It causes everyone of these symptoms. I am now going through these things again following reactivation as a result of covid. You may want to have this panel run.
annie31369 christina999
Posted
Hi cristina hope your a little better. i just read it and omg it felt like my situation everyday i go through this and its hard to belive its all anxiety everyday it feels like a heart attack!!
may i ask do you ever get these wierd feeling in the chest like your heart is sinking and and fluttering and your about to die? thats the worst of my symptoms.
jessica90905 Mono_too
Posted
The same thing happened to me after having Covid in Jan of this year. It reactivated my EBV and I've been struggling with horrible anxiety, fatigue and dizziness since. I've always had awful anxiety and panic attacks, but never as bad as I currently am.
christina999 zacbg32
Posted
Oh no! I'm sorry to hear about your Covid, Zac! you did not need one more thing on your plate! Something that could help is trying to identify where anxiety symptoms and physical sensations are coming from. Covid symptoms may be very anxiety-provoking, but you will heal from the virus in time. Knowing the source of your anxiety could help you manage it with positive self talk and CBT strategies. In my case, I'm just always in pain. I both don't know the trigger and everything is a trigger, making it almost impossible to manage. I'm glad you are able to push through sometimes and get some rest. Wishing you more peace and comfort!
joanne58498 zacbg32
Posted
hi Zac. im sorry you are feeling this way. i too have panic attacks and anxiety and its truly horrendous. i would say you definitely need therapy for your fear of driving. the trouble with a panic attack is as soon as you have one you live in fear of another one and you associate that with a place or something similar. you really need to find the right medication to help you. i live in the UK so i know its easier here than for you in the states. im here to listen if you ever need me to
geoffrey95901 zacbg32
Posted
I know exactly how you feel you're never going to recover is always on your mind .
Stress related symptoms.
in 2010 I had more or less the same symptoms somewhere in the region of about 30 debilitating symptoms.
anything from feeling like sunstroke /food poisoning extreme shaking dizziness heavy legs to the point I couldn't walk far and chronic fatigue.
This took me nearly 18 months of pure hell as you put it but it did eventually go away
I was on escitalipram pregabalin and matizpine came off matizpine as this cause extreme weight gain.
Didn't work for nearly a year like you I thought I had a terrible illness as I lost so much weight extreme diarrhoea.
So many tests at hospitals I lost count.
then eventually It just went as fast as it came wtf was that all about.
12 year later now 2022 the symptoms started to return I was at work I couldn't even use a screwdriver for shaking and sweating.
it felt as though there was an invisible force stopping me doing ordinary chores
like iron washing up .
I knew what was coming the stress symptoms were coming back .
I didnt want another breakdown .
I immediately stopped work been off for two months as I'm am writing.
I spoke to my doctor straight away
explaind to him about all the symptoms
and said I know this is not a physical illness as such i probably new more about mental health problems than him as I'm living proof of what happened to me
he upped my escitalipram to 20 mg and I agreed.
My conclusion to this that the brain also has become unwell neurotransmitters not connecting somehow
serotonin levels dropped.
even now I worry I'm not going to get better but deep down I know the brain will cure it self and you too will recover and when you do like me you'll say wtf was that about .
trust me it will go away good luck in the future.
Geoff.
julie0000 zacbg32
Posted
Hi zacbg32, you truly have been through a living hell, but there is only one way you can go now and that up!! wat meds you on for anxiety? if it helps like it did me reading other reviews helped me get through the days, there is 1 person who has been such a big help to many that's under the name purpledobberman she's fantastic at this mental illness understanding, I honestly feel your pain like others do that's why we write reviews to help each other, I found understanding the science behind the antidepressants and how they help meaning the dose , time to work, how they work kept me hopeful so I no wat to expect, I was off work 6 months wen I ad my first breakdown, then I've had 2 relapses through stress, so im trying to recover from anxiety myself, I needed to go on an SNRIS to combat 2 neurotransmitters in the brain. Vensirxl 225mg is wat im on now, the thing is you have really got to be selfish and concentrate on your needs now with a professional Dr , if u can afford one go private and seek a physiatrist in mental health. I keep a diary everyday writing all my positives and negatives.I have had to work very hard on myself to get where I'm at now and I'm still not in recovery yet but I shall carry on fighting this awful illness until im balanced up again .Sending my wishes Julie