Living with husband (that's more like room mate) except when he wants to have sex and he has ED

He's my husband of 33 years.  He doesn't want to go to dinner, movies, anything.  Just goes to work , comes home, TV and stupid game on internet.  We don't eat together, sleep together, hug, kiss, very little talking, unless I start it and usually very short conversations.  Like how was your day, etc.  Then comes Friday night and wants to have sex.  Same old sh*t all the time.  Lights on, camera, wigs, toys, nylons, garter belts, has to have me drinking, and when it comes  to action flop, flop.  I'm the one who has tried to spice it up with wigs and such.  I'm so sick of it.  I've bitched about it for several years.  It wasn't this way in the beginning.  Now I'm 66 years old, retired and can't afford to leave.  Stuck.  He thinks everything is just fine.  Happy as a lark.  We have no friends, he's a complete ass and just sits and watchs TV.  Very rude.  Neighbor just says he's weird.  I've given this excuse for years.  Now he can go play golf with his buddies and they think he's funny and all that.  It he does agree to go to dinner with my friends, then it's like he thinks they are going to take his food and he does't do conversation.  I'm not a bitch, not ugly or extremely fat. He says no to me getting a boy friend, just to go out, talk, kinda turned off on trying to have sex with anybody else.  Trying to deal with this has made me extremely depressed, just would rather die and get it over.   

WOW

Quite s powerful problem, some bits sound recoverable like some intermency. Perhaps his reason for been standoff is the mr floppy

That is usually fixable (maybe takes tablets)but possible.

Guys don't speak much about them but going off to the Dr's with him and discussion the issue could bring up some strong results(no pun intended).

The last line is real strong, there has to be a better way for you to release some tension than dying, makes me shudder to offer any help such as take up a new hobby

can your mates not help, chatting to someone may offer some splice

Hope it picks up for you...wish I could offer some love help-mine is similar same old self loving nightly but the odd once/twice a month intermate quicky for her leaving me thinking well was that it. Wish we had some wigs play etc it's over for her in 20/30 mins then good night of to her room. But at least we do chat now & again. No going out together well very rare it's her eating chocolate and me a few cans. So not the rocking lifestyle I had in the forces

Well good luck, maybe try a different focus to get his attention - tell him your thinking of been a nun or something extreme, nite

Maybe when friday night comes along, suggest something eltes to do that is fun, and refuse to have sex.

Will Try it, x

I'm really glad and  surprised for one I got a reply and two it's a man.  Mr Floppy was Mr Semi Floppy before.  .  Then we didn't have sex for three months.  He just wasn't interested and not saying why.  I thought he had gone gay or something..  I went to him crying what's up? No answer.  I had to figure it out myself  My cousin's husband became Mr Floppy and got viagra pills.  She gave me one for him to try.  Surprise.  Mr Hard.  He had to go to doctor to get pills and goes once a year.  Again here comes Mr Semi Floppy.  Then I hear about testoserum cream.  Mr Hard and then Mr Semi Floppy and now Mr Floppy.  Throughout all of this I have thought of or didi all that sexy stuff and more to encourage Mr Hard to stay.  It's never body lotion rub whic really turns me on, Always Lights, camera recording, large screen TV of recording, me drinking wine......well, I've started to take my sleeping pills also.  Sometimes I don't even remember anything.  Which is great, cause I'm sick of "Just his way" Not at all romantic.

I've tried making myself busy.  He never cares what I do or spend.  I could have an affair and he would never know it...except if I told him.  I've become very depressed and take medicine for that...which goes with wine really good.  My mates, you from Austraila?  Girlfriends  only want to hear so much and everything they have suggested I've tried.  He's weird.  He has a sister that she tries to be in touch and he never responds.  She's developing a cure for some cancers.  Just got a hugh grant.  Both of them have high, high IQ's.  His son in jail out in jail out he doesn't try to help him.  Ignores it.  He has a grand-daughter.  Finally pushe him into meeting her and that was when she was 5.  His x-wife was calling weekly to try to get together and he wasn't going to answer the phone.  Finally went to see her, I asked if she could come and stay a week so he would have more to do with her.  Doesn't call her, wouldn't go see her last two years.  I went ahead and sent gift cards.  

I even tried to get him to teach me how to play golf.  No, he wouldn't.

I've tried to refuse, he gives me that  look...like I shot him.So I give in.  If I didn't it would be stump out crying.

Now, let me see...your problem...So you have 20/30 minutes of good sex nightly, but once or twice a month it's a quicky.  I don't see a problem here. Or did you mean "self loving" as you by yourself.  Then quickies.  No fun or maybe it is.  You can buy cheap wigs online.  All different styles, color, and lengths.  You can buy black, white , red colored thigh high stockings and garter belts.  You can buy thongs for yourself.  Maybe you need to dress up first.  Hey buy yoursel a man's wig.  Do a strip.  If it's not the rocking lifestyle you had in mind, change it.  Maybe she needs you to make the move.  Sounds like both of you need to get healther.  Ask her to go for a walk around the road and back.  Maybe she'd stop eating chocolate (which is a comfort food) and you'd cut back on the cans or stop.  Are you a couple or room mates with benefits?

  

I

How to say this without sounding harsh... Girl, you need to think about yourself. From your description you are depressed and stressed out and have given evrything from your side to improve this situation without avail. But that's the issue, isn't it? It doesn't seem that your husband will change. He did go get the Viagara, but the marriage and the interaction between you is hardly loving by your description. He needs to want to keep you and work to do so. If that isn't going to happen then please please please do not ever say that you must stay in a relationship for financial reasons or for G** sakes harm yourself. Divorce him and find someone who will bring you joy or just be happy without someone who makes you unhappy. You are 66 years young!

Thank you.  I know that is what I should do.  I know it will never change.  I even have a written note from him saying he knows and promise he will do better and he loves me.  That note is probably 25 years old.  Once he took me to circus olay.  I was really surprised.  That was about 15 years ago.  When we built our house he bought me a teddy bear for valentine's day.  I told him he had to do it from now on.  I have my bears, but this year it was not a teddy bear, but a plastic one about three inches tall.  I got him last year a amazon fire tablet.  It's made it worse.  I thought he's just read books with it.  No, he's playing some stupid game that he is consumed with.  My dad passed about 10 years ago and left me money and property, but I built this house and bought him a john deere tractor with a bucket. Everything is paid for. So if I leave him, I'll have to give him half.  He says he wouldn't move out.  I'll mhave to sell my horses (the only outlet besides my yorkies) and have some money, but I don't think that will make me happier.  It's kinda a no win situation.  

My first husband hit me while I was hiolding our baby in a jealous rage that was all in his head.  I left him.  I grew up with father beating my mom.  My pychiatrist says I was right in doing that.  My second husband, after I had to have a mastectomy decided he would leave.  He didn't think I'd divorce him.  In begged him now not to do it.  Let me get through chemo.  Divorce took a year.  Had to have court divorce.  I got house and he was supposed to pay alimony $50,  big deal.  I think he paid three times.  Karma was good on that.  He fell off a roof and was in a wheel chair for a while and then about 8 months later called me one night and asked if I wanted company.  I said no...I had company already.  I felt like I had lost my identity with that one.  I talked with this husband over a year on the phone.  I worked in an office that he had to call.  He knew everythuing about the breast cancer before we met.  It was a blind date.  He wasn't this way.  Up my butt all the time.  Always doing things together.  I felt he'd make a nice husband, my cousin saying let somebody be good to you.  I always felt like something was missing.  Just didn't know what.  Here I am.  Don't think I could do the divorce thing again.  Hoping he goes out of town with this new position to work and only comes home maybe once a month.  I've also been to a psychologist and still go to Psychiatrist, have been for years for severe depression.  I know others in same situation...they just really keep themselves busy.  I'm more layed back.

Hey there,

It's deffinently a tough corner your backed into, let's hope some women can advise you. I'm stumped with it all. Pressure sounds mad, Could you not just look out for yourself - spice up your own life. To keep you sane?

I wish I could have offered some real good help-sorry if not

Me well...

Hopefully you could have a giggle at this

Yeh, regrettably I did mean mainly "self loving by myself". The odd quickies. No fun or maybe it is for her, but nothing like real fun. For me

Not sure, but will look for the cheap bits, wigs online. Not sure what I would look like in black, white, red colored thigh high stockings and garter belts with a thong. She would prober lye choke on her chocolate "joke"LOL,

I know you meant for both of us.

Have to be carefull round here it's realy turned into gaysvile.

I can't get her to stop chocolate popcorn etc that drives me mad

along with the fags, I keep saying its a death wish, but hit a brick wall (and can get very aggressive speaking about something I did wrong years n years ago) making me back down. Real bitching session I'm having ain't I

You don't need more dodo on your plate.

Go on go have some real fun. Sauna massage drinks maybe a quick love partner round a back street to spice up your life(I wouldn't go telling anyone) just your own dirty secrete maybe

You made me laugh.  Have you said anything to her.  Maybe suggest to just do only foreplay.  Quickes can be fun and exciting, but only in weird places.  I perfer a lot oof foreplay.  Which my husband is very, very good at.  But no kissing, hugging, during or afterwards is a bitch.

I haven't joined yet but did put out a profile on a dating site.  A lot of men looked at it, but too young most of them.

I really haven't been attracted to anybody in the circle I travel.  I'm not going to do the bar thing.  Been there/did that years ago when younger.

Again, are you just room mates with benefits?  Maybe you need to tell her you want more.  At least I've talked to mine about it.  

What's with the chocolate popcorn?  Is she, like needs to loose weight and that's why you don't like it?

Maybe after a quickie she goes to her room and cries cause she doesn't know whether you want more.

If your not married...move on and out

Cripes, now I'm depessed! You are one tough woman. I guess it's easy to suggest a divorce (and I still think it would be best) , but given you have walked the walk, you would have a better perspective on the final process.

As Luk4lotsmore seems to suggest, if your moral compass can take it, maybe an affair is in your best interest. Lies are difficult to keep, esp.in small communities.

At least with your beautiful horses, you can have another large animal to ride! 

Good luck. I still think you could get a financial opinion on the sly, even if it won't help wth the broken heart. There are always greener pastures.

Ha, ha not tough, just a survivor.  My life has been a soap opera from day one, when I was born.

I was married to one of those large animal and darn sure I wouldn't mind riding one again, then again, I might just retire from it.

  

You too, I've chuckled a few times2 at your quotes. You really rock & Very caring I'm sure.

I believe deal down that You really have a very strong arora about you, But now and again sound so delicate to. Let the tiger win the fight over the rabbit.

So really don't talk about us ( I answered you plight). The miserable chocolate eating trout (a metifourv for her indoors), actually paid out tonight... It maybe was the Stetson that I dug out of the cupboard, a gun belt I had hung on the bed and the grit to make sure I'm not going alone today, if you know what I mean??

Just before I went out with my mate to watch the boxing. Proberbly a good night I must say.

So

Have you tried chocolate or popcorn it might be key to a happy life,

I thinks not.

So you,

Time to dig out the note. Threaten to drive off on the john Deere or "that's it".Say "it's time to kick the dog, and ride off on the horse. Say Be assertive and get your arsenal into gear let's travel.

Bless you, bleed your heart out and put all your cards on the table, say it's time you both "rock it" get out there and screw been sensible and live what life you have left. To the MAX.

Be quick with the description, explain the main points of your issues as bluntly as possible

Seen off by a number of people/& previous lovers etc

Seen off with health etc

Now you not going to sit back n watch / take part in you both missing out on _ _ _

(_ _ _ been what you want to do and _ _ _ been what hubby wants to do) (maybe as a sweatner to hubs say lets do your _ _ _ first then my(been yours _ _ _) next then go do your Glastonbury style music festival (huge music festivals etc)

Then plan the beer festive, then the Las Vegas experiences together. I'm sure behind that will cum (forgive the pun) (intended) then rewards for you both. Don't run away again (maybe what you are looking for what's not there).

Hey good luck I hope all really goes great 4u X

Didn't do the wig (YET), but will always think of you when I see one...X

However, stockings soon as there is a rocky horror picture show play on soon, so dr. frank-n-furter here I CUM. Haha

Hope you get it sorted, try not turn your back its Gota be better putting it right

Good luck x

Glad you had a good night.

My weekend was same oh, same oh.  Can't stand the puppy dog looks that I took his thing away.

It's never going to get better...I have to realize it and I have. 

It's helped my mind in this conversation.  That's really a lot of what I want.  Thought about shutting down computer ..so no DSL, and fixing the TV so it has to have a password.  He still has his phone, which his work pays for.  So there you have it.  

I would like a boyfriend without benefits.  Like I said before most are dead at my age or heaven forbide, and not going to be a cougar.

Ahhh

Hope you find someone that deserves you, nothing wrong been a cougar with benefits - you deserve it I'm sure

Good luck ??