Lockdown alcohol breakdown, going teetotal from today

Edited , 6 users are following.

Hi,

I've posted on this forum over a number of years popping in from time to time when my alcohol issues have got the better of me. Well it's that time again and it's escalated and got far worse than it has ever been and it's lead me to make the best call for myself and my family, I've decided it's time to go teetotal and leave the drink behind once and for all.

Let me give you a picture of my issues, I've always drank most if not every night of the week from my mid twenties. Well the usual in the past would have been four cans or at worst a bottle of wine, weekends would always be a couple of pints followed by Vodka in the evenings. I'd go through periods where it would be worse but I always felt in control even though I knew I was drink too much and other people were living healthier lifestyles.

Fast forward to 2020, the Covid crisis hits, I'm furloughed from work and I've nothing to get up for other than spending time with my family and even that didn't have any time restraints. Every evening has been the same, Vodka, vodka, vodka. I've woken countless times wondering what happened the night before and more than a few occasions I've had rows with the wife. She's nowhere near the drinker I am and can take it or leave it but at times has felt pressured to drink with me as I've encouraged her.

I'd do the weekly shop in my mask and would load the trolly with bottles and crates of lager as if I were throwing a house party when in reality I was making sure I had my alcohol for the week. Even then that wasn't enough and I'd pop to the local for a bottle of Vodka as the lagers weren't doing it enough for me.

Exercise, believe it or not I've been out on my daily run most days but have shown little progress with fitness and have often only ran the minimum distance as I don't feel up to it.

My wife has now returned to work so she is back in the swing of things life wise and has had enough of my behaviour and is now praying for the day I return to work as she feels this will help me focus and cut my drinking down.

I don't think I can though as every evening I'd get to 7pm and be like a cat on a hot tin roof before finally making an excuse to drink again.

In total I'd say I'm well over 100 units of drank a week and enough is enough I can't carry on like this, I want to be fit and healthy. My appearance is declining with age and the alcohol is putting weight on me which is something I never suffered with in the past.

Today is day 1, I'm trying to be positive but walk about my local area today pubs have been serving lager in paper cups and people have been hanging around enjoying themselves and the temptation has been unbelievable. I haven't drank though and don't want to for my families sakes.

I'm going to come on each day and give a run down with how I'm feeling and how I'm coping with the new life I'm choosing.

It's a sad day as well as I love having a drink to be social. I can't do it any more though, once I start drinking I will want to drink the next night and the next and I will be back in the old routine.

Day 1, feeling positive but worried about how I will feel later on today.

Thanks for reading.

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  • Edited

    If you really struggle with this Dave, then it means that your brain has become too accustomed to certain triggers - whether that be 'wine o'clock' or whatever. Drinking as much as you have been doing will likely do that, and it sounds to have reached the stage that alcohol is being used to the exclusion of what you really, really want to do - such as your running. We all know that isn't a healthy way to live, nor is it very enjoyable either.

    So, please do a little background reading in case you might need it. Google The Sinclair Method, and learn how it works to extinguish those triggers properly and thoroughly. There is tons of information about it, including lots of videos on youtube from those who have used it. I used it, myself, over 6 years go now.

    When stopping and staying stopped becomes impossible, then your brain has learned a response that will not be extinguished by white-knuckling, or struggling day after day.

    So, check YouTube, and the websites CThreeFoundation, C3FoundationEurope and SinclairMethodUk.

    There is no harm in trying what you are doing now, and hopefully you will succeed, but there is also no harm in learning about an alternative just in case you need it.

    Good luck!

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  • Edited

    Hello Dave, first day is great and worrisome as well since you have severe doubts if you can keep up, i.e. Not a single drink. I stopped 7 1/2 years ago and was drinking excessively for many years. One thought in my mind was that just one more drink will kill me. POISON. That was on my mind since i was destroying my health and would much older soon. The C3Foundation is amazing as Joanna points out . Try it. Best of luck from Robin

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    • Edited

      Yes currently sat wondering whether I can start drinking again without being so hooked.

      That's a sign that I'm already failing in the head but I just hope after a good night's sleep tomorrow I will be fresh minded and positive again.

      Just feel so bored without it, like my evening is absolutely dependent on it to keep me happy and enjoying the night.

      I'm actually depressed thinking because I know my issue is so bad I have to deny myself the pleasure of enjoying a drink with friends because it will lead back to drinking at home again.

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    • Edited

      Let me be honest with you:

      waking up without a hangover is great. Waking up remembering what you did yesterday is even better. No guilt and feeling better. More money in your pocket and proud of your achievement! Get new interests. Netflix Amazon music or books and bluetooth headphones with the money you saved. You have to congratulate yourself every day!

      em

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    • Edited

      Yes I agree and the motivation today is my children, they've given me father's day gifts so I should be thinking about giving them a gift back.

      A fit and healthy father who is always going to be there for them.

      Day 2

      Here goes, already had a mental wobble earlier on but my wife got me back on track by reminding me to be weak will prove I will always fail. I wanted to drink tonight and she said some good words and got my head back on track.

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    • Posted

      My new born twins saved my life. I was a house dad andlooking after my twins but at age 2 years three months i stopped 31st dec 2012. Killing myself drinking. For certain. Wanted to see them grow up!sober 7 years 6 months now twins 9 1/2 yrs old. You can do it for your family!

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    • Posted

      A lot! Strong cider 2 bottles 2 litre daily or one bottle of wine plus cans of beer or cider. Vodka sometimes and easily half bottle a day. Did not work at the time and did not drive much. However, i would stay sober if i had go drive. Mints for bad breath. Hiding bottles around the house or in the garage. You probably know all the tricks. Hope this explains.

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    • Edited

      Yeah, I totally understand.

      I've been local bins to dispose of bottles as I'm ashamed someone might judge me it they all fell out on bin day.

      I suppose it's the knowing you are drinking daily and you don't want to is when you have a problem.

      I wish I had, sorry hope I have your will power. Well done mate.

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    • Edited

      Think of the people who love you and rely on you. I regained respect from my parents, my wife and her sister since we are a small but closely knit family. Poison that next drink as i replied before. I did stop 15 months before and had bee n sober 3 months and had that one drink at a one year old baby party. One glass of wine and could not stop. All ruined and then stopped again completely the following year. I cannot trust myself and will never ever give in to temptation because...like you..i have too much to loose. You can do it. i am a veteran here and have guided 100s for five years and always encouraging people not to give in. Regards Robin.

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  • Edited

    As you probably know, you will get lots of support and good advice here. I found it got easier as the days and weeks passed but I still get the odd urge even after 13 plus years without a drop. I counted the days and the thought of going back to 0 if I had 'just one drink' helped me say no thanks. People would offer me a drink at first but did respect what I was doing and now don't unless it's a non alcoholic beer or similar.

    All the best for your new life. It is worth it in so many ways.

    John.

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  • Edited

    How are you doing Dave?

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