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I've posted on this forum over a number of years popping in from time to time when my alcohol issues have got the better of me. Well it's that time again and it's escalated and got far worse than it has ever been and it's lead me to make the best call for myself and my family, I've decided it's time to go teetotal and leave the drink behind once and for all.
Let me give you a picture of my issues, I've always drank most if not every night of the week from my mid twenties. Well the usual in the past would have been four cans or at worst a bottle of wine, weekends would always be a couple of pints followed by Vodka in the evenings. I'd go through periods where it would be worse but I always felt in control even though I knew I was drink too much and other people were living healthier lifestyles.
Fast forward to 2020, the Covid crisis hits, I'm furloughed from work and I've nothing to get up for other than spending time with my family and even that didn't have any time restraints. Every evening has been the same, Vodka, vodka, vodka. I've woken countless times wondering what happened the night before and more than a few occasions I've had rows with the wife. She's nowhere near the drinker I am and can take it or leave it but at times has felt pressured to drink with me as I've encouraged her.
I'd do the weekly shop in my mask and would load the trolly with bottles and crates of lager as if I were throwing a house party when in reality I was making sure I had my alcohol for the week. Even then that wasn't enough and I'd pop to the local for a bottle of Vodka as the lagers weren't doing it enough for me.
Exercise, believe it or not I've been out on my daily run most days but have shown little progress with fitness and have often only ran the minimum distance as I don't feel up to it.
My wife has now returned to work so she is back in the swing of things life wise and has had enough of my behaviour and is now praying for the day I return to work as she feels this will help me focus and cut my drinking down.
I don't think I can though as every evening I'd get to 7pm and be like a cat on a hot tin roof before finally making an excuse to drink again.
In total I'd say I'm well over 100 units of drank a week and enough is enough I can't carry on like this, I want to be fit and healthy. My appearance is declining with age and the alcohol is putting weight on me which is something I never suffered with in the past.
Today is day 1, I'm trying to be positive but walk about my local area today pubs have been serving lager in paper cups and people have been hanging around enjoying themselves and the temptation has been unbelievable. I haven't drank though and don't want to for my families sakes.
I'm going to come on each day and give a run down with how I'm feeling and how I'm coping with the new life I'm choosing.
It's a sad day as well as I love having a drink to be social. I can't do it any more though, once I start drinking I will want to drink the next night and the next and I will be back in the old routine.
Day 1, feeling positive but worried about how I will feel later on today.
Thanks for reading.
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