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I feel like a shadow of the person I used to be, I was happy, reasonably outgoing and funny with a lot of hope for the future. A combination of never having a real girlfriend and falling apart from a lot of my friends over the years has turned me into a nobody. I spend most of my time rotting away in my room when I'm not working, it was ok when I had visitors every day but now I'm rarely visited I feel so depressed. I want to get out more but the friends I do have left aren't particularly outgoing. Therefore I don't get out much which makes it near impossible to make new friends.
But that's not the main issue, for the most part of my life I have had a fair few friends and people that care about me but but I have never had a real girlfriend, I've seen a few girls (very briefly) and slept with just one my whole life. It all started when I was younger, I have Aspergers syndrome (known as high functioning autism these days) and was a very strange child/teen so naturally I didn't get any girlfriends. Over the years I grew up with no experience on how to approach girls I like, how to chat them up or even how to hold a good conversation with them. So now I'm 24 years old with none of the experience or knowledge necessary to get a relationship. I'm so scared of approaching girls in real life and have no idea how, so i tried internet dating. So far I just get ignored by 90% of women I message, I do write proper messages of at least a few sentences to a paragraph with good grammar, following the same formula I imagine most people follow, I'm not just copy pasting messages to every girl I am choosing carefully. All of these girls probably get messages every day, I was stupid to think that I could be any more appealing than the other 50 guys who messaged. I have an OK job and a decent car but that's all I have going for me. Other than being genuine, emotional, caring, down to earth and easy going but obviously that's not enough. I'm not attractive, tall or well toned, I have an awkward voice and I'm so nervous on dates (on the RARE occasion that I get one) that the girls I meet must think I'm just boring or stupid. My self confidence is at rock bottom. I feel so trapped. I probably won't meet a girl in this state of mind but don't think I can escape it without some kind of passion in my life.
Thank you for taking the time to read all this.
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