Loss of Confidence and Obsessive Thinking

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When I am feeling depressed, due to hormones, I notice that all of my confidence just evaporates; it's as though I become a totally different person. Then, I just start beating-up on myself and focusing on any perceived flaw. When I feel well, though, I am confident, upbeat, and excited about the future. My self image is healthy, and I have perspective.

I just feel so frustrated, and then I start second guessing myself: are my thoughts and feelings being caused by perimenopause or something else? I can only think that it is hormones, because when I get a settling of my mood, I want to socialize, organize my home, develop my business, just enjoy life.

I am forcing myself to stay busy and complete a list of tasks each day, no matter how I feel. I exercise daily (a lot), eat well, meditate in the morning, practice deep breathing when my thoughts overwhelm me... I just feel so disappointed that I am working so hard to be well, and yet I still am struggling so much.

Any stories from the lovely women on this forum would be fantastic!

Thanks in advancesmile

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  • Posted

    I have the same issues.  My moods seem to change from minute to minute (at times).  I also try the same tactics...meditation, keeping busy, etc.   I am 51, and this started two years ago.
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  • Posted

    Hello Bev

    I know just what you mean, and the loss of confidence is such a struggle for me too. I'm 43 and have primary ovarian failure diagnosed since 16. For the past 20 odd years I haven't taken any hrt/medication and the result is fatigue, anxiety, and a loss of confidence but for me it's been so long it's quite hard to establish what my 'normal' is. I like you am sociable and bubbly, people think I'm hilarious but on the inside some days I'm crippled with self doubt and as you say, overly focused on my mood and its hard to switch off. It sounds like you're doing really well though! I've been taking bhrt now for 3 months and this includes a small amount of testogel. From what I know, it's the testosterone which in part gives you that inner confidence and I'm hoping this will come with time. Keep your chin up, and hope you get some relief., Sara xx

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    • Posted

      I am only 32 years old and I have a lot of peri symtpoms the last 2 years and PMD the last 6 years...I am experiencing severe peri symtposm on a daily basis interfering with my life. Probably my case is primary ovarian failure...Are you still having regular periods? 

      Do you believe that testogel is helping you?

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  • Posted

    Bev,

    I am exactly the same.  Several years ago I noticed I would start an obsessive worry about my and my family's health.  These thoughts about possible illness would come about 1 week before my period.  So much so that I would notice and link them to the cycle and just pray them away.

    Now at this stage in my life, these thoughts come and go all the time not necessarily correlating with my period.  If I hear about some illness I start the worry cycle.  I have moved into this low grade depression, I see elderly people and feel I'm there, whats the purpose???- I'm 55 and I have never thought about aging, I just enjoyed my life. I had a strong personality with convictions, now...I feel drained, I'm insecure, obsessed with aging/death/illness...I used to be opinionated, with life, a personality and now i feel like my life has been blown away.  I am a shell of my former self.

    I'll be looking for a therapist because I'm not myself and id like someone to explain what is going on.

    Blessings

    Jackie.

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    • Posted

      jacquekine59683. I hear ya I am the same way. I'm 58. And It doesn't help that the man I was with just dumped me for a younger woman(he's the same as me and she's 45). He has type 2 diabetes and had a toe amputated about two months ago and is going to have to have some work done on his other foot because it's fractured and they'll have to put screws in it. Diabetics heal slowly so no telling how long that surgery will take to heal. I'm single, never married, no children, have a Master's Degree, own my own home(although it is up for sale, I'm moving to a better area of my city). He has erectile dysfunction, but that didn't matter to me, there are other things you can do besides actual sex. But he chose a 45 year old woman, with three kids (one of whom is still at home, she 13, she also has 27 year old because she started having babies at 18). She has been married twice. He said he liked her better because they had more spark. He also told me that she is ok with his erectile dysfunction because like me she said there's other thing you can do.  He told me she said she likes older men, and he told her he likes younger women. Then why the heck was he dating me? You can imagine what this did to my already fragile self esteem.  I talked to a friend and she said "Juanita he's been laid up thinking about his life, he knows he's not in the best of health and wants someone that will take care of him in his older age", don't take it to heart". Normally I wouldn't I would be like "oh well, NEXT!!!"  

      ?But if that's it, my sister's husband is 12 years younger, he's 55 and she's 67, he's in way worst health than she is, she's having to take care of him.

      ?Sorry, I didn't mean to turn this into a pity party about my love life.  But I'm right there with ya on everything else you mentioned Jacqueline.  

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    • Posted

      I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult moment, on top of all the hormonal shift. I guess this time in our lives we need to take care of ourselves, I know I need to focus on me. It's nice when you have the support of family and friends, but as well meaning as that may be they also get tired. We are tired of all these changes.

      I'm sure Juanita, he will miss out on your gifts. But you concentrate on your well being, your happiness, get involved in social groups...i know who has the energy???

      I've read this is a time to focus on doing the things we love and never had time for.

      You'll be in my prayers, when I can't anymore I pray and God is real and answers my prayers, He will get you/ us through this.

      Blessings

      Jackie

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    • Posted

      Thank you Jacqueline! I will pray for you too. I don't have much time for myself because I'm still working. I don't talk to my friends or my family about what I'm dealing with, they would get tired of hearing about it. Heck, like you said we, get sick of it too! Lol. I only talk to God and the ladies on this forum. This forum was God sent for me. I was soooo happy when I found it.  I'm praying my way to a long and healthy life.

      But so many symptoms to deal with, mine lately has been nausea, general stomach issues, and always feeling like I'm in fight or flight mode(which triggers the health anxiety and obsessive thinking).

      ?But, God hears our prayers and one day we will wake up and all will be okay, not perfect but much better than now.  (((((hugs)))))

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    • Posted

      Juanita,

      It's the same with me, the stomach issues have calmed down, a bit. But I'm taking fiber supplements and three prunes to stay regular.

      For me waking up is the worst, and I can't figure it out. It's like the depression or maybe anxiety hits me the worst then. As the day wears on it gets better. But I'm not happy and I used to be....and then I wonder it can't be hormones doing this???

      This forum is my biggest support it validates my existence. I've stop complaining to my family and I try to participate in family gatherings, but if it were up to me, vegging out on the couch would be ideal.

      I'm also working and don't have much energy afterwards but I drag myself to workout. Only because it's supposed to help with depression.

      It's unbelievable to go through this, I was extremely unprepared.

      Wishing you a better day and we all need prayers 😊

      Jackie

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    • Posted

      Thanks for sharing Juanita.

      I know you are hurting about this even though you are handling it well. this time in our lives is soo hard on our self esteem and self worth and we question this and at a very fragile (as i put it) time in our lives.

      You will reclaim your self you will find yourself again. Im in this process too. I have noone in my life but last year i did and it was really upsetting so much more than normal.

      I work and have my boys to look after and i have no energy for anything else.

      I wanted to comment on the morning doom and gloo i posted about this specifically a while back.

      YES 

      the mornings are icky, dark, low, shaky, uncertain, scary....etc etc. then as the day moves forward, im able to deal better with things and in the evening im calmer (less cortisol) and my outslook is better, not without the depression/anxiety but a few notches down and i have hope again.

      I go to bed and give thanks to the day, and hope i can feel good in the morning but the same thing happens.

      Also the dreaming is usually uncomfortable uncertain, always a problem or conflict. I think thats why im also so tired because my dreaming/sleeping is not restorative. 

      Its ALL hormone related trust me...it has to be..too many women are saying the same thing...

      I commend you and Jaqueline on working out. I dont have the energy to. Im even scared to because im too weak..just too messed up to actually go an do cardio yuck..i can dive i the water and frolick and maybe float, but not heavy exercise, it doesnt feel right to me anymore..but then again i am not doing yoga either so im just lazy durring this time..  rolleyes

      xoxoxo to you all

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    • Posted

      Mauiblue we all working our way through this the best way we can.  I pray and talk to God so much now. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. I didn't feel like had pulled away fro God, but maybe I had and didn't notice. I have to admit, he did send a dream the other night that helped out a lot with the situation with the guy I was seeing.  Plus, yesterday I went to Happy Hour with a friend I hadn't seen in months. We spent three hour just laughing a talking, it did me a world of good and I knew she would shoot straight form the hip about the guy. 

      ?Take heart this will pass. I won't be the old me again, so I have to embrace the new me.  (((((hugs)))

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    • Posted

      Wow, Mauiblue, you captured my experience exactly! I notice that waking up, I am filled with dread and negative thinking. I can tell that I have been having stressful dreams, sometimes even nightmares. I have to force myself out of bed in the morning and get myself going.

      Yesterday, for instance, I started out feeling depressed, anxious, worried... What I decided to do is to make a list of tasks that I must accomplish each day, no matter how I feel. I started out with my errands feeling off and kind of out of it. By the time that I climbed a local mountain, I started feeling better. As the day progressed, any negative or weird thinking was WAY in the background. By the end of the evening, I felt proud of myself, almost happy.

      I always go to bed thinking that I am going to feel great in the morning, and I am sure that I will, one day. I'm not sure why the mornings are so hard or why my thoughts during the night are so fear-based. As you said, it's hormones.

      My thought is that if I am going to feel like crap, I might as well be productive during this time. I can see that, at times, it helps to take my mind off of things.

      So looking forward to reaching the other side, as I know you are, too.

      Sending support your way.

      Bev xo

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    • Posted

      hey ladies.  I wanted to tell you what I was told about am anxiety.  Cortisol is responsible.  It is at

      it's peak around 4 am. (which is why I was waking  up in dreadful feelings and nauseated) my

      dr told me.  Then I googled it.  yep it's true.  Cortisol is high when under stress and if it's high

      it takes almost all day to burn it.  Which is why we feel better in the evenings.  6 pm almost like

      clockwork I start relaxing into  myself.  Then I wonder why I felt so  bad all day. it is nuts.  Burn the cortisol off walking ladies.  Then the less stress will cause less cortisol. 

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    • Posted

      Bev,

      yes what Shawn says is quite true, about the cortisol...it has a lot to do with what everyone is dealing with. It affects sleep cycle mood etc. Its not everything but it has a lot to do with i i know for sure.

      You will get to the other side of meno in time.

      for me im not in a hurry anymore, its a process and a mind set that i have to live with and change with time and healing.

      we are here to keep the support going, happy friday!

      xoxoxo

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    • Posted

      its because of stress of going through peri and being on high alert 24/7.  I am also overweight some and that also adds to it.    My dr says anxiety is like a 5 alarm bell  for a waste basket fire.  Everything is blown out of proportion.
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    • Posted

      Its a very tryin time in our lives. I am reaching out to Source, to God when and i never did before. Humility is good during these times. I had a lady friend tell me just two days ago,"its bothersome that you feel that way about yourself, its really not good" 

      I was very self conscious about walking on the beach my bathing suit bottoms, and just really low confidence. she couldnt understand why and said i looked great. Shes also said "you know what is more important than anything?   ATTITUDE, and shes a bit right

      It doesnt entirey pull me out of the dark but it does help a little bit. 

      Yes Juanita God is good, and hes there if we open ourselves up

      xoxox

      I have tol

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    • Posted

      Well said.  I feel that this whole situation forces us to be humble and to rely more on God/Source.  I am finding that to be a good thing and it’s helping me reach out more for help when needed. 🌸

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    • Posted

      Yes Liz ... that’s all we can do right now . I go to church alot and light a candle,  wear my rosary beads .... pray and drown myself in holy water every night !

      I think if you keep  saying ‘Lord I don’t deserve this ‘ and you really believe that you don’t ...which I do ! Then the power of prayer .. it can’t hurt.

      I had 4 years of hell in a divorce then as soon as it’s over this comes! So Lord ‘I don’t deserve this please guide me all the lovely ladies here  and make this an easy transition ‘ Amen 

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    • Posted

      So well said but when you have it it’s like a towering inferno ! Nobody knows unless they are going through it . A trip to the grocery store is a big deal ... a night out daunting . It’s a terrible affliction all due to hormones and past traumas in your life . 
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