Loss of Self-Image and Lack of Self-Confidence

Posted , 17 users are following.

My brain keeps locking onto everything negative in my life, and, hard as I try, I just can't seem to let go of these thoughts. I have tried repeating positive mantras, using mindfulness and meditation, but they don't seem to have the power to counteract them, especially when the thoughts become particularly intense. Sometimes, I just resign myself to the thoughts, and then I notice that they eventually go away, all on their own accord.

Even though I have lots to look forward to, I feel filled with fear and an inability to cope. I keep feeling that my life is over, even though I know that this isn't rational. I have lots to look forward to. I did have a lot of stress last year: a bad business break-up involving litigation, moving my home, finding new office space and rebranding, as well as taking care of my sick dog.

I also notice that I have been having sad dreams. I had to put my 12-year-old dog down earlier this year, and she keeps coming back to me in my dreams.

I don't know why this stage of life gets the brain focusing so much on loss.

I would so like to let go of the worry and depression.

Yesterday, even though I felt awful, I forced myself to do an out of town bike race with my boyfriend. I know that getting out was definitely a smarter choice than staying home because I think that making choices to engage in life is the best way to turn things around. For most of the day, my thoughts were just swirling, but I did notice little periods of calm and happiness, where I felt like "my old self". I also noticed that the really heavy depression tends to lift in the evening.

Are there other women out there with similar experiences? If you can share your thoughts and stories, that would be very much appreciated.

 

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  • Posted

    I can absolutely relate bev.

    I was almost suicidal when I diagnosed a year ago at 42. I found myself obsessed with loss and death. I was feeling that I was not young anymore and that my life was over. I was thinking to give up my highly demanding career and I couldn’t recognize myself. I was spending my time at home crying and talking with my friends again and again about meno nightmare.

    Hrt made a huge difference for me and I started to feel normal again after a few months. Try not to think so much about and keep yourself busy. Stay strong! smile

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  • Posted

    I can relate in that I wake up and dread each day.  I do start feeling better at night, and I have noticed previous posts of others saying the same thing.

    Today I woke up and wanted to cry, this happens pretty much every day.  I am the opposite though of you, I find that I have nothing to look forward too, even though I have two young adult children and I am married (although I feel very unhappily right now).

    True that for a few moments at a time I forget how I am feeling and feel "normal or happy" but then almost snap myself out of that and say "no, I am depressed and anxious".  I almost refuse to let myself feel happy thinking something bad will happen.

    I have an elderly mother who I do need to tend to at some times during the week.  And she helps bring me down as whenever I call her she is certainly always complaining.

    I have 2 dogs, one of them we just adopted so that is another thing that actually makes me feel worse, as I feel like I have yet another life to care for.

    I am 55 and in menopause.  (period free)

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  • Posted

    Ladies thank you, I have nothing to add except that I feel everything each one of you wrote...i pray I get back to my normal soon.

    God bless you all for sharing, it reassures me that it's not only me. I'm 55, 18 days late.

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    • Posted

      I’m only three months late but I feel almost everything all the women mentioned...we must keep strong force ourselves to eat ,even when we don’t want to eat, think back to our great grandmothers whom didn’t know the things we do, I do and it makes me feel a little better. 

      Thank you all for sharing it helps me feel less alone. God bless you 

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  • Posted

    Yes Bev i can relate. Going thru these changes i have lost myself. I keep saying this is just a stage in life. I look in the mirror and I don't look like myself anymore. All my weight has settled in the middle and I look old. I was told I have ms at 46 and I care for an autistic son. I don't feel sorry for myself,every one has their challenges in life. I just try to take good care of myself and know things will pass. Best wishes to you. Remember everybody has a story to tell, your not alone.

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  • Posted

    Sorry to hear about your dog Bev. That's a terrible loss, along with all the other stresses especially! My story is similar to yours. Had to put my 12 year old dog down 4 years ago. I didn't realize it at the time, but peri had already started. Only since reading comments on this forum, do I realize what was/is happening to my body.

    Got laid off in 2009 (after working full time since I was 20). Depression and isolation soon followed. Was single for 2 years. No social life.

    I'm turning 50 at the end of the year. Been having that doom and gloom feeling for years. Weird/bad dreams, etc. Feeling useless. Blamed middle age. Blamed my son graduating next year. Haven't had a period in 9 months. Seeing my gyn tmw and requesting HRT. Cbd oil has helped with headaches, insomnia, and pain. I usually feel better in the evening also. Sounds like typical menopausal symptoms to me. Just hope we can find some relief and our old selves again. I don't remember that girl most days. Hugs!

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  • Posted

    Yes yes yes to all of it! I feel everything you just said , right down to pushing yourself to do something during the day which i don't always do, but sometimes , to it lifting by night fall, crazy hormones.. And I lost my beloved dogs last year in 2017 all 3 of them one in April one in may and my other in Oct, they come see me in my dreams too, I cry A lot and miss them as well as my old life.. I don't know why we hold onto the depressing memories I want to release them all too.. Your not alone I feel same..?

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    • Posted

      Hi Gypsy... I too lost my precious animal last year and I'm still recovering.. Bless you with 3... It's awful and going through the change also makes it even worse... Hope you are doing better now. CK

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    • Posted

      Hi ck, I'm so sorry for your loss as well! These little guys truly become your family as they are with you 24/7 thru the good times and bad, and never talk back to ya ha ha... So yes the loss of them definitely causes a big unhappy void in my life...I hope you are doing better since your loss.. The migraines are the worst, I've never had a migraine in my life and have had them like clockwork for the past 8 months now.. To me besides anxiety and the depression part of menopause I have to rate them migraines as my worst symptom by far.. They make me sick to my stomach the pain and nausea is so intense REDICULOUS!!!! feel better soon?

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    • Posted

      Hi Gypsy... Thank you and I'm too sorry for your loss... Oh the migraines and stomach are the worst... Mine come in clusters and hang round for a while... I'm anxious and on the loo so know its hormonal... Oh Gypsy... It's madness but we will get through it. We have no choice eh. Lots of love to you 😊. CK

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    • Posted

      Thank-you, Gypsy, for your kind words, and for your validation of my experience. It so helps to know that I am not alone, and that other women are also doing their best to "get to the other side".

       

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  • Posted

    I also wake up, and my mind full of negative thoghts and fears. The negative thoughts manifest in painful spasms that go through my body. I noticed this correlation that they definitely become these spasms. But I also noticed that there are more lighter moments, and this dark negative cloud doesn't appear every single morning like it used to be even a year ago. I am 50, and still get my periods, but my hormones are on the low side according to blood work. It seems that this definitely only a temporary thing and will pass.

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  • Posted

    Hi Bev...

    First:Yessss!!!to everything you wrote, for I have been feeling that way for at least the last 6 months. it sort of crept up on me...or so I thought. But when I look back at the fact that in the last year I've dealt with my husband having a bad surgery reaction, then he was diagnosed with prostate C (I hate the word), then his sister with stage 4 colon, my 94 year old moms deteriorating health, adult children who lost jobs due to diwnsizing,on top of teaching duties and my own meno issues....I see now this is reactive on top of physiological. And it appears that you've had a rough time of it lately, too...as have a lot of our sisters on this forum.

    So we wonder if this is all meno or is it just that everything changes and it usually happens at these ages/stages???

    I know for me..I pray a lot. It helps. The tears during crying jags are a release. so let them flow when they come.

    Although my hubby is better, in the space of 10 days we lost my mom and his sister with the colon C .

    We all just have to find what comforts you u til we arrive at our new normal...which i am certain will be good.

    Hugs 😚🙏🏾

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