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My brain keeps locking onto everything negative in my life, and, hard as I try, I just can't seem to let go of these thoughts. I have tried repeating positive mantras, using mindfulness and meditation, but they don't seem to have the power to counteract them, especially when the thoughts become particularly intense. Sometimes, I just resign myself to the thoughts, and then I notice that they eventually go away, all on their own accord.
Even though I have lots to look forward to, I feel filled with fear and an inability to cope. I keep feeling that my life is over, even though I know that this isn't rational. I have lots to look forward to. I did have a lot of stress last year: a bad business break-up involving litigation, moving my home, finding new office space and rebranding, as well as taking care of my sick dog.
I also notice that I have been having sad dreams. I had to put my 12-year-old dog down earlier this year, and she keeps coming back to me in my dreams.
I don't know why this stage of life gets the brain focusing so much on loss.
I would so like to let go of the worry and depression.
Yesterday, even though I felt awful, I forced myself to do an out of town bike race with my boyfriend. I know that getting out was definitely a smarter choice than staying home because I think that making choices to engage in life is the best way to turn things around. For most of the day, my thoughts were just swirling, but I did notice little periods of calm and happiness, where I felt like "my old self". I also noticed that the really heavy depression tends to lift in the evening.
Are there other women out there with similar experiences? If you can share your thoughts and stories, that would be very much appreciated.
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