1. Community
  2. Women's health
  3. Menopause

Loss of Self-Image and Lack of Self-Confidence

Posted , 17 users are following.

bev27429
bev27429

My brain keeps locking onto everything negative in my life, and, hard as I try, I just can't seem to let go of these thoughts. I have tried repeating positive mantras, using mindfulness and meditation, but they don't seem to have the power to counteract them, especially when the thoughts become particularly intense. Sometimes, I just resign myself to the thoughts, and then I notice that they eventually go away, all on their own accord.

Even though I have lots to look forward to, I feel filled with fear and an inability to cope. I keep feeling that my life is over, even though I know that this isn't rational. I have lots to look forward to. I did have a lot of stress last year: a bad business break-up involving litigation, moving my home, finding new office space and rebranding, as well as taking care of my sick dog.

I also notice that I have been having sad dreams. I had to put my 12-year-old dog down earlier this year, and she keeps coming back to me in my dreams.

I don't know why this stage of life gets the brain focusing so much on loss.

I would so like to let go of the worry and depression.

Yesterday, even though I felt awful, I forced myself to do an out of town bike race with my boyfriend. I know that getting out was definitely a smarter choice than staying home because I think that making choices to engage in life is the best way to turn things around. For most of the day, my thoughts were just swirling, but I did notice little periods of calm and happiness, where I felt like "my old self". I also noticed that the really heavy depression tends to lift in the evening.

Are there other women out there with similar experiences? If you can share your thoughts and stories, that would be very much appreciated.

 

5 likes, 20 replies

20 Replies

Prev
  • CarolKelso
    CarolKelso bev27429

    Posted

    Hi Bev... I can so relate as its such a physological time for us women... The joy goes out of life and its a constant feed of awful thoughts on a loop... Even a little paranoia at times... And I get angry.. Almost like a rage at times...you don't cope with stress well and everything seems bigger.

    But it does ease with time and you do feebetter... However the last couple of dayslive a real set back... Been feeling great and then the onset of migraine. Anxious tummy and mood dip... But I know it's hormonal and will pass... Hang tight and keep checking in here for support... You are not alone in this... Ck

    • bev27429
      bev27429 CarolKelso

      Posted

      Thanks, Carol. This experience I can only describe as completely bizarre. Yesterday, for example, I woke feeling off. I spent the morning walking with my boyfriend having weird thinking and feeling down, interspersed with flickers of normal mood. I carried on and tried to watch these symptoms as a detached observer, rather than connect them to my sense of self. It was hard not to feel joy and to feel separate from the world, but I felt controlled and contained. As the evening came, my mood and thoughts shifted, so that I felt totally normal, which seems better than normal, in contrast to how I was feeling. I spent the evening having a lovely dinner, chatting with my best friend ( who I have avoided for some time, due to how I have felt), and then happily watching a film. I just so cherish any moments of feeling like my true self: calm, happy, optimistic. 

      What I want, more than anything, is to completely return to the woman I was, which I know will come in time; I just need to keep the faith.

      Sending warm wishes your waysmile

    • CarolKelso
      CarolKelso bev27429

      Posted

      Hi bev... I am the same... Just want to be the old carol again... My mood was so low yesterday anon good today... Hang tight darlin... This too shall pass.. 💗 Please god x

  • 2chr2015
    2chr2015 bev27429

    Posted

    You expressed it perfectly bev.  Sometimes I also just have to resign to the thoughts to...bc I get so tired of fighting them.  I think it’s great you we’re able to do the bike race.  It’s hard to get out when we are feeling like this.
    • bev27429
      bev27429 2chr2015

      Posted

      Yes, I think that forcing myself to continue with my life, regardless of how I feel, is the only way. During the bike race, I still had horrible thinking and felt awfully depressed, but I just stayed with the feelings and let them wash over me. I focused on my breathing and did some mindfulness. It also helped to be on the bike and working hard because it calms the thinking down. After the race, when we were having lunch with the group, my mood shifted to feeling happy, and I could engage with others and feel connected. Had I chosen to stay home and wallow in my suffering, I don't think that this shift would have happened.

      I believe that we are all just doing the best that we can to emerge from this stage in our lives, and it is a stage!

Back to top
Prev

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.